Even more...

"Sheee-it, I wish I was your paws!"

Details : Despite having parts described as 'like a week-old pitta bread' the popularity of the Nation's favourite Granny remains unblemished.  Now totally blind, she is escorted to the street corner by her great-great-grandson 'Bumper.' who ensures that her disability is not abused.  Often queues of eager young men-dogs form around Granny Grunt, all wanting to pay for the pleasure of her wares, so they can boast, "I was there..."

Name : Granny Grunt  Age : 15 Most likely to say : "I may be old, but I never forget a cock...I say, I never forget a cock, me laddy!"

Details : These grand old men of whoring bark back to the days when life was so much simpler and the bitches were ladies.  Somewhat mocked for their olde-worlde attitudes, they still fill a valuable niche on the market, catering for the 'frustrated bi-curious businessdog,' assuring discretion and with satisfaction guaranteed.  Charles recently lost the use of his left side after a stroke, which has hindered his lovemaking somewhat, but the fearless Eddie still manages to convince unsure dogs which way to swing, despite the loss of his teeth and the onset of glaucoma.  They battle kidney disease together.

Charles and Eddie with a passing lesbian who wandered into shot

Name : Charles and Eddie Age : 15 and 14 respectively, Your Honour. Most likely to say : "I say, do please wipe your paws vefore proceeding sir, for that rug is of the finest Abyssinian vintage!"

Name : Elton   Age : 16

Details : She's GOTTA have it!  Despite the advancing years, the failing eyesight and the loss of her coat, Elton still spends hours on a Friday night making herself beautiful, combing her pelt over the bald spots and squeezing herself into too-tight Spandex before setting off for the lamppost on the corner where she howls fron nine o'clock until half eleven.  Inevitably, visits to the vet have resulted in some much-needed surgical improvements.  She's had her belly flattened, her haunches thinned and her teats tucked.  Elton once gave birth to a litter of seventeen pups in a cupboard, without anyone knowing she was even pregnant.  Two survived, but she ate them the next day.  A lady.

Most likely to say : "Saturday night's alright for fighting - Yeah!"

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