Believe It! (Or Don't)

        Strange but true stories from newspapers and the internet. Read on and decide for yourself whether to Believe It, Or Dont!




        An Article Taken From The LA Times

        "In retrospect, lighting the match was my biggest mistake but I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil.", Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors at the Severe Burns Unit Of Salt Lake City Hospital.
        Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
        "I pushed a cardboard tube up Farnum's rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in.", he explained. As usual, Farnum shouted "Armageddon" , which was my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, hoping the light would attract the gerbil."
        At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesperson explained what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and the flame shot out of the tube, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and severely burned his face. It also set fire to the gerbils fur and whiskers, which in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestinal tract, propelling the rodent out of the tube like a cannon ball."
        Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.


        ER Admission From Chicago General

        A woman weighing approximately 500 pounds, with shortness of breath, was dragged into the ER on a tarp by 6 fireman. While trying to undress the lady, an asthma inhaler fell out of one of the follds of skin under her arm.
        Later, a chest x-ray showed a round mass of metal on the left side of her chest. Her massive left breast was lifted to reveal a shiny new dime beneath it. And last, but not least.... during a pelvic exam, a TV remote control was discovered in one of the folds of her crotch. She was dubbed, "The Human Couch!"

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        Lost Property

        As confirmed in the May issue of FHM, accident and emergency departments are frequently called on to remove items which have become inexplicably lodged in peoples rear-ends. Here are 10 items removed by doctors and the excuses offered by their red-faced patients.

        1. Leg of a camera tripod. "I popped into my darkroom, wearing only a dressing gown. I tripped in the dark and landed on my tripod."

        2. A screwdriver. "I was just getting into the shower when I noticed the light bulb was blown. I fell off the ladder trying to reach it and landed in my tool box."

        3. Oil Of Olay bottle. "My wife keeps it on the side of the bathtub. I slipped and landed on the top of the bottle."

        4. Chair leg. "I've driven 25 miles to avoid meeting anyone I know in a local hospital. Not much point in me making up a story."

        5. The remains of two gerbils. "They were both in a cage in my bedroom.They must have escaped and gotten under my covers while I was asleep."
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        6. The polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink. "I had just fixed the leaky sink and sat back, unaware of what was on the floor behind me. It was the middle of the night so I wasn't dressed."

        7. The entire contents of a tool box. "This poor fellow was unable to make up an excuse. He died of intestinal obstruction. The objects were found during an autopsy."

        8. Wax candles with a condom on. "No excuse tendered."

        9. Corn on the cob. "We were getting a bit tipsy at this barbeque. I leaned against a table but ended up sitting on the corn. Oh yeah, we'd just been skinny dipping in the pool."

        10. Salami. "I'd just come down to the kitchen for a midnight snack and didn't turn the lights on. Just as I got everything out of the fridge, I tripped and landed on the salami."



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