*~*~*~*

Have you ever been in the situation where, without thinking, you just inanely blurt something out, and it's the last thing you ever would have wanted to say, but it triggers a chain reaction, and instead of climbing into the hole you've just dug and burying yourself completely, in some weird twist of fate, you're suddenly handed your dream? You haven't? Well I have.

We were at the park. Oh I should explain who we is right, well it was me, obviously, my son Billy, Kendal and Eugene. It was a perfect summer's day and the 'boys' were playing a game of horse, while I being not only a 'girl,' but (gasp) a 'mom' too, was relegated to the sidelines to watch.

As watching had become my mission I embraced it wholeheartedly. It certainly had its perks. One was seeing my son deliriously happy to finally have someone to show off to who could appreciated his jump shots, stutter steps and lay ups, whatever the hell they are. Let's just say he beamed every time Eugene congratulated him and what mother doesn't love seeing her child delighted.

Watching them play I could see why Kendal so adored his father. The love, the pride, the joy of sharing every aspect in life was all there whenever Eugene looked at him. He was a true father. Not just a guy whose little swimmer had been stubborn enough to break the barrier, but a man dedicated to his son's welfare. A man desirous of being 'in' his son's life, not through duty, but because it truly brings him joy to be there.

Mind you, his joy this afternoon was arriving in the form of an ass whipping by two now very cocky teenagers. I had to laugh at their antics and refrain myself from saying "Boy's, you've teamed up and defeated a guy who spends at minimum an 80 hour week in an office, and who probably hasn't touched a basketball in years let alone been on a court, but yes you should be so proud of this achievement."

The most amusing thing was Eugene's reaction. He was taking and playing up to all their ribbing and genuinely looked more delighted to be losing then I could imagine him looking had he won. In fact he looked extremely pleased when the game was finally over and he was sent to the 'too old to play this court' bench. I was hoping some of that pleasure was due to the fact he now was able to come and sit beside me. His smile as he approached me had me almost ready to slide of the bench and melt into a puddle of goo. It should be illegal to look that good.

You're probably wondering how we got from our first date to doing the 'family' thing at the park. I guess I should elaborate on that a little. I wouldn't want you thinking I've lost my touch. Well Eugene and I have started ... hmmm I don't know what exactly we have started; it's very undefined at the moment. The one thing that I'm sure of is we enjoy each other's company. In the last month we have managed four more 'dates.' I realize this may not sound much to you, but between his work schedule and the fact I won't interrupt Billy's routine by not being home for him on a school night, it's a wonder we've managed that many at all.

We've had two more dinners, one movie and one 'someone was late for the movie so let's get drinks instead' date. Oh and it wasn't me who was late but one look at the stress and guilt on his face when he arrived and he was instantly forgiven. Actually I think it was a blessing, the worst thing he could have done that night was sit in a darkened theatre while Hollywood heroes played out an implausible scenario before his eyes and stew about his day. No, one look at his weary face and I knew what he needed. I remembered my grandmother saying, on the days when my grandfather came home after the job had drained the life out of him, it was up to her to return the life to him. For me life is laughter so I did everything I could to make him laugh.

We went to a nearby bar and had an incredible time. We played the 'you've never truly been embarrassed until you've done this' game. I started it assuming I'd win easily, my life has been a case of flitting from one debacle to the next. Knowing how hard he works I didn't think he'd have enough time left in the day to get into too many scrapes. Who knew practicing law could be so comical? Although I'm sure he was pulling my leg about the penis that was introduced into evidence and the demonstration his co-council put on for the jury. I mean, please, as if that could really happen! I gave him points on that one purely for creativity, but even still, it didn't beat my naked in a phone box story. I swear no one looking at the two of us laughing like crazy that night would have believed we were only drinking soda.

So we've only gone out a handful of times but we've spoken almost every day of the past month. Our second 'date' was 3 days after our first and when it ended he apologized that he had a hectic few weeks coming up and didn't know when he'd be able to see me again. I was disappointed but what could I do? It wasn't like he could be expected to just ignore work because he had personal things he'd rather do. At least I hoped he'd rather do me ... oh not like that ... well maybe a little. Anyway I just told him to call whenever he could, he replied that most nights he didn't get home until too late to call. He looked as disappointed as I felt so I said "Call anyway and if I'm too tired to speak I'll hang up on you." He laughed, saying 'you've got a deal,' and well I haven't hung up on him yet.

I think it helps him unwind at the end of the day. I sure know it helps me. He usually sounds tense when he calls but I've not yet failed to get a laugh from him. If he wants to talk about his day we talk about his day, if not I ... well God knows what I talk about, I'm really not too good at sticking to a topic. I just talk until his voice softens and I can picture that relaxed contented smile I know is brightening his glorious face. You know those dreams I was having before we'd even gone on a date? Well you should try sleeping when the last sound you hear before falling asleep is his whispered goodnight. It had even got to the stage where sometimes I wake up surprised he isn't there with me. I even woke up one morning to find the phone on his pillow ... I mean the spare pillow. How sad is that?

So we've had a few dates, lots of phone calls and talking until we are blue in the face. I feel like I know everything there is to know about him but at the same time I know there is so much still to learn. That probably makes no sense but I do know the better I get to know him, the better I want to know him. I'm blissfully happy but I'm also suddenly greedy. I want more! Most of all I want to know what he wants from our relationship. I know what I want and I'm praying he wants it too. Is it normal to know a man so well and yet have no idea where he is at emotionally? I feel I can tell him anything, I think he feels the same way about me and yet the idea of admitting I want more from him terrifies me. But I do!


As much as I want more there is no way I'll ask for it. I'm not going to jump up and down screaming it at him, you won't hear me beg him for it, because I want it to happen because it's what he wants too and not because I've cornered him into it. I'll never know if a relationship is what he really wants if I ask him for one first. I need to know he wants it. I guess you could say I'm waiting to know what he wants.

On our first date we kissed, twice! Two soft little chaste lip locks. Two perfect tiny moments in time. Since then we've kissed some more, a peck on the cheek hello, a brush of the lips goodbye. It's sweet, I love it, don't get me wrong about that. I'm NOT complaining, I'm just curious, are we just at a stage? Are we going to at some point move on or is this it? Is he waiting for me to respond more, is he waiting for a sign from me about what I want? If I slip in the tongue, will he be running so fast in the opposite direction, I'll be left spinning like in a cartoon? Or will it be exactly the sign he was looking for and we'll be one of those couples who kiss on the sidewalk oblivious to the fireworks going off around them? Can you tell I've watched too much television lately?

Suddenly I have a penchant for sap. I think the word most used in my vocabulary now is awwwww quickly followed by sob, hic and a big sniff into my tissue. If I pick up the remote Billy grabs the tissue box, deposits it on my lap and then goes to his room. The poor boy was confused, having watched me cry through two movies one Saturday night, he asked why I watched them if they made me so sad. I turned to him, elegantly blew my nose loud enough to guide ships in a storm, wiped the stream of tears from my cheeks and said "I'm not sad. I'm happy! What makes you (sob hic sob) think I'm (sob) sad?"

For some reason he wasn't convinced, so I explained the complexities of emotions to him as rationally as I could. His reply "Is this a mom thing or do all girls get it?" left me believing somewhere along the line my message got screwed. Why am I suddenly jealous of my message? Come to think about it, lack of understanding could be my problem with Eugene too. I've been out of the dating game for so long, I don't even know if there are stages, signs and messages, so God only knows what signals I'm giving him. I'm not good at dating, never have been. I'm not one for games, I'm a straight talker, in a round about sort of way, and although voluble is my middle name communication is not my strength. Hmmm that brings me back to ... wasn't I explaining how we ended up at the park?

I guess you just got the long version. Short one is this, Kendal rang today, said he was at his dad's and asked if Billy wanted to come over. Of course Billy did, so I drove him over there. Kendal and Eugene were on the street when we pulled up. Kendal told Billy they'd decided to go to the park and shoot some hoops. I was just about to ask what time I should pick Billy up when Eugene said "why don't you come too?"

Billy and Kendal looked at him as if he'd grown two extra heads. I was feeling especially loved and wanted when Billy pitifully whined "She can't even play basketball, trust me I've seen her try." I remember Billy's first word and how proud I was my baby was learning to speak. It's funny how our attitudes change in time. If they weren't all leaning on the car I would have put my foot down and peeled out of there to wallow in my mortified ineptitude at home alone with a big tub of ice cream. Ok I wouldn't have but only because that would have meant voluntarily leaving the sight of Eugene in sweat shorts and a t shirt and that was an expanse of skin I wasn't willing to turn away from. Plus he'd given me a cute grin and was obviously highly amused by the whole thing. Who knows, that first night I probably told him all about my lack of sporting achievements. Once I get on a ramble everything comes out and I rambled like a champion during that dinner.

After grinning at me Eugene pushed away from the car and said "Boys, boys, boys what is the point of me whipping your butts if no one is there to see it?"

Well, with the challenge thrown down, I was no longer just 'mom,' I was now the audience to what was purported be the greatest game ever, if you listened to those three talk. I've never really understood the concept of trash talk but by the time we reached the park I'd heard enough to consider myself an expert. I've never heard so much rubbish spoken in all my life, and the kids were no better.

We arrived at the park, Billy found the perfect spot for me and pointed, saying 'stay.' I wasn't sure if I should wag my tail or roll over and play dead. I did neither although I'll admit watching Eugene 'strut his stuff' I started panting and drooling with my tongue hanging so far out of my mouth it touched the ground. Of course all this was done on the inside, on the outside I was prim, proper and paralyzed. He was wearing a T, I could see muscular arms and the more he played, the more the shirt stuck to him, the more easy it was to imagine in minute detail what that soft cloth was clinging to. I've never wanted to be a T shirt so much in all my life!

I was lost in a little fantasy world. Imagining him lunging and dancing around me. His hands swooping out and capturing me, lovingly caressing me, me, me, me! It was all about me! Oh and Eugene. So that is how I managed to be here with Eugene standing deliciously in front of me and lascivious thoughts totally occupying my brain.

Billy and Kendal, suddenly go off the one on one idea when they realize one of them would then have to relinquish their winning streak and decide instead to cash in on the fact the 'loser' should provide refreshments. Eugene hands over some money and then laughs as they hurry off, trying to behave as the adults they think they are and not show their excitement about something as juvenile as ice cream. Mind you they are barely thirty feet away from us before they're racing each other to the van.

Still watching them, Eugene picks up the hem of his shirt and raises it to wipe his face, revealing to me almost all of that glorious body that one day I'm going to sculpture. Oh and I don't mean with clay. Swoon, thud, and there goes any sense of intelligence I ever had. I do the thing. You know, the open mouth insert foot blabber. Yup, I take a sharp breath then moan "God you didn't look anywhere near this good in my dreams."

Eugene's hands still, and I quickly scan the horizon for a helicopter or a submarine or anything that will get me away from there fast! As much as I was terrified to meet his eyes, when I see his hands move again I can't help but look. If my dreams are going to be shattered then at least I can say with pride I took it like a man. What that saying means, I have no idea. What am I going to do bare my chest and burp? Hmmm that ploy may distract Eugene enough that he forgets my comment, but on the off chance it doesn't, I think I've embarrassed myself enough already for one day.

So, standing proud and wincing, I stare at the slow unravelling of his face. When his eyes meet mine I melt.

"You..." he begins to say, then becoming more aware of his posture pauses as he lowers his shirt completely.

Damn!

His brow furrows a little as he moves closer to me. I'd scream 'no go away leave me to be mortified in peace,' except I don't really want him to go. I watch his tentative steps towards me with a rising sense of expectation and seriously elevating temperature.

"You..." he says again then hesitantly adds "you ...dream ... about ... me?"

I don't know why he finds this so incredulous but the look in his eye says he does. The expression there isn't one of horror but of hope. This hope gives me the courage to reply and I nod yes. I don't know why it has taken until now for me to realize keeping my mouth shut is brilliance in action.

Eugene takes another step closer and hands me the world when he says "I dream too."

My plan of silence circles the drain as I squeak out in fevered exultation "Of me?"

Eugene smiles and moves another step closer. He's so close now I can actually feel his legs against the front of my knees. As much as I want to wrap my legs around him and draw him even closer, I don't. I'm too busy choosing stupid questions for $200 to do something that sensible.

"So what am I doing in these dreams of yours?" I ask with what I'm sure is a face splitting grin. What can I say, I'm too ecstatic to be rational.

Eugene's face goes a little red and I see fear behind his eyes. I know that look. It's an I've horribly misread this situation look. I realize he's probably admitted as much as he's prepared to do without me making a confession in return. I can't tell him more though because I'd taken that whole vow of silence thing. Not that I seem to remember that because I ask "Do we kiss?"

He smiles and nods. His eyes drop from their scrutiny of mine to scan over my lips, before returning to ask their silent question.

For the first time since I met him, I know the one word required to make him mine. "How?"

The word had hardly left my mouth when his hands grasp me and helps me to a standing position. While one hand stays splayed on my back holding me to him, the other moves up and cupping my head draws my face towards him as he whispers "Do you want me to show you?"

My hands eagerly grasping his shoulders and drawing him to me probably clue him in on the fact I do.

And we're kissing.

You know that whole fireworks thing I mentioned before? Well the fireworks explode the moment Eugene's mouth opens to mine, not in the sky but deep inside me. Hot sparks shoot deliciously throughout my body. I'm afraid I'll spontaneously combust and Eugene will be left standing beside a pile of ash where my body had once been but what a way to go! Not that I plan on going, oh no, he isn't getting rid of me that fast. A guy who can kiss like this is not one you let go of.

I'm so invested in encouraging the tantalising tongue of talent ™ to continue teasing me to distraction, that when I first hear a gasp, I assume it's me. It's only when I feel Eugene pause momentarily, that it occurs to me we may no longer be alone. Pulling away from him I turn and see a sight that would be laughable if I weren't so mortified.

The mix of shock, horror, disgust and confusion on Billy's face perfectly mirrors Kendal's.

"What's going on?" Kendal asks. Billy appears speechless but nods his approval of the line of questioning.

"We were kissing" Eugene informs them.

I look at him in surprise. Aren't defense attorneys supposed to be able to evade the truth. What happened to plausible deniability? Where's the stall tactics, the diversions, what about implementing that plan B strategy he's told me about? Not that I can see anyone else we can blame for this, but I'd thought at least he'd try.

Seeing as Eugene proves to be unreliable in building our defense I decide to take charge. "I'm going for a walk" I announce, turning, I stalk away. Hey, I never said I was good at taking charge. Besides I needed to leave. Eugene had done more for me in that one kiss than .... well let's just say, I'm so on edge that if he so much as looks at me I'm likely to go over it completely, which isn't something I want my son to witness.

I'm barely ten steps away when I hear Billy say "I suppose you're going for a walk too?"

"Actually I think I might" Eugene replies and I slow my steps as I hear him begin to follow me.

"What the hell did you say that for?" I hear Kendal ask.

"Uh" Billy replies. That's my boy! Works as well under pressure as his mother.

Even though Eugene is walking beside me now, but I'm not ready to face him yet. I'm not sure if it's because we're still too close to the scene of the crime or it's that I'm still so ready to explode, I'm afraid if I look at him, I'll jump him.

We walk a few paces more before he bumps me softly with his side and says "We're out of sight now if you're at all curious."

I stop and turn so sharply to look at him that he takes a step back in surprise. I don't know why I did it, I didn't plan to, I just did. Apprehension quickly crosses his face. I think he's expecting me to start shouting at him but not only do I have no plan to do so, I have no plan at all. There is just too much going on inside me for anything sensible to come to the fore. I mean, I rarely do sensible in my good moments, I never do it under stress. I just stand there staring at him, well at those lips I just want to make a meal out of. God they belong attached to mine! I can't believe we were interrupted! Although, it's probably lucky we were as I think I may have quickly lost all sense of propriety and decency seeking more of that lush skilful mouth witnesses be damned.

When no vitriolic words came gushing from my mouth, Eugene being the brilliant insightful man that he is, must conclude I'm safe to be near or he's just worried about my sanity, I'm not sure which. He reaches out and runs his hand along my arm asking "You ok?"

His touch triggers something in me and motor mouth is back in action. "This is bad, we should ... oh God this is so bad." I begin walking again. I think I'm hoping to travel far enough that I change time zones and therefore the past moment never happened, or the interruption never happened or who the hell really knows what I want except to be in his arms again.

Eugene catches up to me and asks "What's bad? Getting caught by the kids?"

"No the kiss!" I say stopping again to look at him. God he's gorgeous. Eugene looks surprised and adorably disappointed. I quickly put him out of his misery. "It was incredible, I can't stop thinking about it. I can still feel you ... your mouth on mine ... if I close my eyes ... God you're still there." Of course stupidly I'm demonstrating this for him. It isn't until I lean against the fingers brushing my cheek that I realize they belong, not to my phantom lover, but to the man in front of me.

I've been told in the past I have a charming smile and I just hope I can charm Eugene into forgetting I just fantasized about him, in front of him. Unfortunately from the look in his eyes he doesn't appear to be planning on forgetting this moment any time soon.

"Can I..." he begins to say but by God I can't wait for him to finish because I need those lips on me now! From the flurry of activity that commences when our mouths meet I'm left with the impression my actions are exactly what he'd been planning on asking for. The scariest thing is this kiss is even better than our first. A minute ago I would have thought you couldn't improve on perfection, now I'm left wondering just how much better can it get? When we know each other so well that we know exactly what the other likes are we going to be able to survive the ferocity of our passion?

When we pull apart, the words don't need to be spoken. We know there is nothing that can stop us from doing that again. Eugene suddenly smiles and repeating my words of earlier says, "This is bad!"

I give him a playful shove and ask "Why haven't we been kissing like that from the beginning?"

He shrugs then quietly, almost apologetically replies, "I wasn't sure what you wanted. I wanted to, believe me I wanted to! But ... I just needed to be sure you did too."

I just stand there staring at him and smiling like a complete idiot. Well I've been acting the part I may as well look it too.

His fingers trace my smile as he says "People at work have been asking me about you for months."

I have to smile at that, not that I think I'll ever stop smiling again. Exaggeration is obviously something boys don't grow out of. "Month" I correct him. What can I say, I'm a mother, correcting comes as naturally as breathing. He looks at me all confused and ravishingly, gloriously adorable. I explain, "Four weeks are a month. We've been seeing each other for a month."

He smiles and shakes his head, trust a lawyer not to let you win an argument. He does win me completely though, like there was ever a doubt of that happening, when he says "I've been happy for a month, prior to that, I was preoccupied for several."

Surprised I ask "why?"

Eugene's indulgent smile must melt my kneecaps because suddenly my legs want to give way as the realization hits that he's been feeling as insane as I have. My hand is suddenly warm, I look down and see it engulfed in his and note I'm being led somewhere. Where? Who cares I trust the leader and am too stunned to do anything but follow.

All I could think is, he's been preoccupied about me! God why? I mean I'm only me. Lovable but slightly demented. Too impulsive, too prone to fantasy, too easily distracted, bright but doesn't apply herself, needs to put her mind to better use than daydreaming. Why am I suddenly reciting every school report I ever received?

We reach a tree and Eugene sits down leaning against it before gesturing for me to do the same. As much as I want to curl into his lap and never leave, I restrain myself, with great difficulty, and sit beside him. Touching but only barely. Hey I'm no saint. When I stop wriggling to get more comfortable (oh and because I liked the feel of brushing against him) he asks "So what now?"

I can't help laughing, wondering why he'd ask me? Have I ever given the impression I'm a logical reasonable thinker? Then I remember he'd said he didn't know what I wanted. Surely he can't still be unsure? Well the time for totally honesty has come I guess.

"I take it from Kendal's reaction, you hadn't told him anything about us?" I ask and he shakes his head. Before he asks I answer the corresponding question. "I didn't tell Billy because I didn't know if there was an us. I wanted to believe there would be but I didn't want to disrupt him if ... if there wasn't going to be a reason to."

He nod a little sadly and asks "You think this will be a disruption?"

I smile because his question has assured me we are an us just as much as had he stated it outright. As I think on my answer though I find myself sighing. How will this effect Billy? Can I handle this sensibly? Sighing I say "I don't know. It shouldn't be a disruption if we handle it right."

"Like preparing them before they come face to face with it?" he teases.

"Oops... " I laugh, then becoming serious I say "I don't know how Billy will react, because he's never been put him in this situation before. As much as I'm ready to move forward ..." I pause and look at him, assuring him how eager I am for that. He nods slightly and I find I have to look away because I'm not sure how he'll take what I have to say next. "I need to do this at a pace Billy's comfortable with." I look up to apologize but see I don't need to as he looks at me with absolute empathy. "How about Kendal?" I ask.

He looks away for a moment then says, "The longest relationship I've had since my divorce was with my ex wife."

"You tried to reconcile?"

"Yeah"

"But it didn't work?" When he shrugs in reply I see his pain and commiserate by saying, "I'm sorry."

Eugene laughs and placing his arm across my shoulders draws me closer to him. Have I told you yet how much I love this man?

"Ok I'm not really sorry" I admit, then grin as I look up at him, "but you know what I meant."

"I do" he says then kisses me softly. This isn't like the passionate kisses of earlier but oh it is just as good, so right, so reassuring, so perfect! It convinces me we can do this. By the time our lips part I'm confident we can make this work.

We sit silently for a while then Eugene speaks, "Kendal never really accepted the divorce, I don't know whether that was partly due to me, because I never looked on it as final either. I always saw it as a stage in our relationship. My work came between Sharon and I. It created other problems but basically it was my job that ended our marriage. I looked at the divorce as Sharon needing time and space to come to terms with what I do... and believed when she'd done that we'd be together again. Dating wasn't something I felt free to do. I was divorced but in some sort of back of the shelf way I still considered myself married."

He looked at me then, maybe expecting confusion but I understood. I found myself getting angry with Sharon, how could she not see the man she had pushed away, the hurt she'd inflicted. I joined our hands to encourage him to continue. I tried to let my eyes tell him 'I'm not going anywhere, you can be yourself with me' because I knew my voice would betray my anger and I was afraid it would push him away. My message must have been received because he started to speak again.

"Sharon dated. I didn't like it and neither did Kendal ... Although I'd never meant for him to get the idea I know he took it as her betraying me. That's why I think our reconciliation, although unsuccessful, was a good thing. It forced us all to realize things wouldn't be changing. Sharon won't see me as anything but the man who does that job and she can't live with him."

I want to shake my head and scream foolish woman but I know he needs to talk more than he needs to hear me rant. But God it's hard to keep it in.

"Kendal's seen us try to be together and knows now that it isn't going to happen. No matter how much any of us wants it, it isn't going to happen."

I never thought the time would come when his voice wasn't welcome but I'm almost afraid to hear the answer to my question. "Do you ... do you still want it?"

Eugene smiles and wraps me in his arms. His strong chest against my back, his words brushing by my ear, I never want to move again. "No. It hurt when I had to finally admit that, but I don't want it anymore. I've been so much happier since I allowed myself to move on." His arms hold on tighter and I tilt my head so I can look at him. "Kendal can see that too. He'll be ok with us after I explain it to him."

"Want to explain it to Billy too" I quip.

"I'll ring you and let you know which angles don't work, no point both of us making the same mistakes." He looks at me then says "Billy will understand, he adores you."

I stare at him in surprise "Have you met my son?"

"It was listening to him speak that made me want to meet you."

As horrible as the idea of leaving his embrace is I had to face him fully now. This is too intriguing. "Billy does something other than complain about me?"

Eugene looks a little shy and a LOT adorable. "Yeah I overheard him say something once."

"What?"

He shakes his head and I think he considers not explaining but when he looks at me he relents. "Kendal and his mother have had their problems, he loves her but ... well who doesn't have issues right? I heard him make a comment. I wasn't supposed to hear it but I did. ... I didn't like it and I was tossing up whether to confront him on it when Billy spoke. As I listened to him explain where Kendal was wrong, I couldn't help feeling ... jealous maybe? ... Or disappointed ... I don't know, I just wished my son respected his mother the way this boy did his." His hand brushes my cheek as he says "You might not think he listens to you but he does. He intrigued me enough that I wanted a glimpse of you, so when they went outside to wait, I uh ... I invited myself to join them. Mind you a glimpse is all I got that day, you were there and gone so fast, but it was enough because I haven't stopped thinking of you since."

I grasp his hand in mine and ask "Why didn't you make them wait inside? Or better still locked them in a room, we could have saved ourselves some lonely months?"

He leans over until his face is almost touching mine and sighs "You think I haven't thought of that."

I laugh, kiss those delectable lips then move back into his arms. I still find it hard to believe that we've been wanting the same thing for so long. We stay entwined and talk, of our pasts of our feelings and our plans for how we'll approach the situation with our sons. We aren't willing to push the boys too hard but nor are we willing to deny ourselves either. It's frightening to be even considering embarking on something like this but it's exciting too. I'm a little less inclined to believe it will work out as smoothly as Eugene seems assured it will, but I hope. Boy do I hope!

Finally we realize we need to leave this refuge we've found and reluctantly rise. We return to find the boys sitting close, heads together, deep in discussion. They didn't notice us approach until we were almost upon them. They exchange a quick look then Kendal asks "Are you two getting married?"

Forgetting the numerous lectures from my father telling me sarcasm doesn't become me I launch into my typical reaction to an outlandish question "Yeah on Tuesday, you're invited but I'm afraid you'll have to wear pink."

Horrified, Kendal looks at Eugene, who is trying not to laugh, then over at Billy, who's shaking his head in what looks suspiciously like an 'I warned you she's insane' manner. I'll have to speak to him about that later.

Eugene sits next to Kendal and says "Look for right now no one is thinking marriage. We like each other, we're friends, we believe we can be more and well ... for now we just want to see if we are. Marriage isn't an issue."

I watch the boys as they listen intently to Eugene's words. I can't help feeling pleased that they seem comfortable with this and I'm beginning to believe the obstacles I feared are non existent. To say the thrill courses through my whole body would be an understatement. We're silent for a moment, each contemplating the change that is occurring, then Eugene stuns me when he speaks again.

"Mind you I reserve the right to amend that statement in the future should circumstances change."

I couldn't have said a word if I tried and believe me that doesn't happen often. Marriage? I hadn't given it a moments thought, deserted island interludes yes, but marriage? The scariest thing is the idea doesn't scare me. In fact, crazy as it sounds, I'm comforted by the thought it is inevitable. Call me weird, it won't be the first time, but what it does is change things for me. The goal is no longer what pleasure I can get out of this relationship but what I can put into it to help create a bond that's unbreakable.

"So what now?" Kendal asks interrupting my musings and I have to laugh to myself that he is repeating the exact words his father had used. Their similarities certainly go a lot further than just looks.

"Pizza and videos" I say, leading me to believe my voice is triggered by something other than my brain as I have no recollection of entertaining that thought.

Billy, Kendal and Eugene exchange eager looks with one another then all give their consent.

"I'm choosing the pizza" Kendal says as he stands prepared to leave.

"Fine, then I'll choose the video" I reply, after all we can't let the kids control everything.

"No! NO NO NO NO!" Billy jumps up surprising us all. "We'll chose the videos you can choose the pizza."

Kendal looks ready to argue but Billy takes his arm and begins leading him away. Forgetting, or not caring, that I'm right there he makes no effort to lower his voice as he explains "She picks good pizza but trust me you do NOT want to have to sit through one of her videos."

The two nod in agreement leaving me to wonder just how many my mother is crazy stories they've shared in the past. They continue walking away, not even bothering to check if we are following. I'm left grinning at Eugene with an 'and this is the kid you say adores his mother' look.

Laughing he places his arm over my shoulder and we walk after the boys. "It's love" he says against my ear, and no matter who he is talking about, I couldn't agree more.