Helen's apartment 10 a.m. Saturday morning

Having arrived home just before midnight, after sneaking away from the movies while Ed was out buying more popcorn, Helen changed into her comfort clothes. A beautiful ensemble consisting of her baggiest daggiest trackpants and a college sweatshirt with more holes than material. These are her thinking clothes; brought out whenever important decisions need to be made or emotional upheavals need to be recovered from. Armed with a tub of ice cream she sat on the couch to determine how she was going to handle Bobby and Lindsay's situation. She didn't doubt Lindsay loves Bobby. She has loved him for years, probably since they first met and until tonight Helen would have found it impossible to believe she would even look at another man. She certainly hasn't known her to show any interest in men for a long time except in scouting for prospects for Helen. But tonight ... well tonight proved she'd do a lot more than just look. Helen is confused. She feels like she's known Lindsay since forever and she thought she knew everything there was to know about her. She was certain Lindsay would never do anything like this. Helen becoming a nun was far more likely than Lindsay cheating on Bobby: or so Helen had always believed. She cannot believe Lindsay would do it. She doesn't want to believe it could already have gone further than what she's seen, but then a few hours ago she wouldn't have believed it could go that far either. She really cannot say for certain how far Lindsay would go. All she knows for sure is last night Lindsay was kissing a man who is not her husband; a far from an innocent kiss too. How could she? I can't believe she'd do that. But she is doing it. How could she? The thoughts went round and round in her head over and over again until physically and mentally exhausted she fell asleep about 4 a.m.

When Helen woke it was with one intention in mind, she's going to sit Lindsay down, confront her with what she knows and make her see her actions have consequences. She telephones Lindsay immediately. When she answers Helen says "Hi it's me. I was just making sure you're home I'm on my way over."

"Helen I'm going out. Some other time maybe."

"Lindsay we need to talk."

"Fine but not right now I have somewhere I need to be."

"What last night wasn't enough for you?"

"I don't know what you mean Helen but I haven't time to find out now. I have to go. Bye"

Lindsay hangs up and Helen jumps up grabbing her keys and running to her car. She's going to catch Lindsay before she leaves the apartment and make her listen. She's driven four blocks before it occurs to her, she isn't wearing any shoes. Not only that she has a good case of bed head and morning breath and she has a melted ice-cream stain all over her leg. Damn she must have fallen asleep still holding the tub. Where it is now she has no idea but if it's stained her grandmothers rug then Lindsay is a dead woman.



Bobby and Lindsay's apartment

Bobby watches from the window while he talks to Lindsay on her cell phone. "Go!" he says when he spots Helen's car turn into their street. Lindsay pulls out of the parking garage just as Helen climbs out of her car. She looks up in time to see Lindsay drive away and exasperated she swears at her before jumping back in her car and following. Bobby watching on laughs and warns, "Be careful Lindsay she looks ready to kill."

"I will" Lindsay promises before issuing her own warning "Bobby you need to be there before 12. Don't be late."

"I won't!" Bobby groans. He wouldn't dream of making a mistake in this carefully orchestrated plan of Lindsay's she'd never forgive him and never let him live it down.

Helen follows, cursing at Lindsay for not having had the decency to wait for her to have breakfast and a shower before she went rushing off to meet with lover boy. She hopes the fact Lindsay is up and out early this morning is a sign she and flannel boy parted early last night without spending the night together. Helen almost has herself convinced that after leaving the movie Lindsay sent flannel boy packing and went home, alone, to reconsider her relationship with Bobby. She is starting to have warm fuzzy thoughts about Lindsay tearfully calling Bobby and apologizing profusely, declaring her undying love and so she is now rushing to the airport to meet him. The fact Logan International is in the opposite direction seems to have slipped Helen's notice but on little sleep and no caffeine she isn't anywhere near her intellectual peak.

Lindsay pulls up and parks near an open air market. Helen groans. She loves these places. She and Lindsay often come to them together. They joke around and talk one another into buying the most outrageous items. 'We always go to places like this together. Why didn't Lindsay want me to come too?' Helen whines, her inner child stamping her foot in annoyance. There can only be one reason she concludes. She's meeting "him" here. Helen crouches down low in her seat trying to appear inconspicuous. She watches as Lindsay peruses the stalls on the outskirts of the market. If she is meeting someone she doesn't seem overly concerned with watching for their arrival Helen concludes when Lindsay shows no interest in passersby as she scans the contents of the stalls. Lindsay does become quite excited at one particular stall, pointing and gesticulating wildly at the stall owner until he eventually chooses the right item. Helen watches fascinated as he reaches up with a long stick to reach a particular T-shirt hanging up high on the precariously erected wall. When he eventually gets it within reach he holds it up proudly for Lindsay to inspect. "Oh please I think I might throw up" Helen whines as she sees a man's T-shirt with a cartoon she can't quite make out but a caption of "blondes do it better" so clear she can read it from this distance. "Gee I wonder who that's for" she says sarcastically. "So much for my theory of her coming to her senses. And I don't even want to think about how she knows that's true." Having purchased the T-shirt Lindsay moves into an aisle and out of Helen's sight. Helen muttering obscenities to herself, that don't bear repeating, sits back to await Lindsay's return. She can see Lindsay's car from where she sits so she won't be leaving without Helen seeing. She looks longingly at the people milling around the market, purchases and refreshments in hand and remembers again, she is yet to have breakfast. If only she was wearing shoes, and didn't look as if she was in her pajamas, if she'd thought to do her hair and didn't have dried up ice-cream all over her she would be first in line at that refreshment stand right now. The one that is selling hot donuts that smell so so good. She sits there weighing up the humiliation of appearing in public as she is compared to the pleasure of some caffeine and calories. After about half an hour of channeling Homer Simpson and chanting "mmm donuts" "mmm coffee" to herself she has just about decided to hell with everyone she is going to get out and get her some when Lindsay reappears laden down with parcels.

Lindsay places the parcels in the trunk and walks towards the drivers door then hesitates. Helen's ears prick up, or they would have if she wasn't human and her ears weren't stuck to her head. A million thoughts rush through her mind. She's seen me. She's seen him. Ok so it was only two thoughts but hey it's 11.30 and she hasn't had caffeine yet. Lindsay slowly turns around. Helen slides down in her seat forgetting the fact if Lindsay was looking towards her she would certainly recognize the car even if she doesn't see Helen in it but we all remember the caffeine issue right? Lindsay slowly walks back to the trunk and opens it again. Helen releases the breath she was holding and slides back up to get a better view of what Lindsay is doing. She has reached into the trunk and is removing one of the items. She holds it up high admiring it and stroking it lovingly. "Oh my God!" Helen thinks and jumps with shock accidentally blowing her car horn. Diving down so her face is plastered on the passenger seat she thinks Bobby will kill her. Cheating on him was bad enough but Lindsay just bought a New York Mets jacket. That's cheating on the Red Sox. That Bobby will never forgive!

Helen rises from her seat in time to see Lindsay's car pull away. Therefore missing Lindsay's laugh at Helen's reaction to the jacket. She looks longingly at the donut stand one more time before sighing and starting her car prepared to follow Lindsay once more. If Lindsay's last outing made Helen annoyed this one makes her furious. Lindsay pulls up outside a Swedish masseuse. Helen actually hits her head against the steering wheel three times whining "It's not enough she has Bobby and Blondie now she's going to let some Swedish sex god run his hands all over her too. What the hell is she trying to do to me?' the bitchy part of her brain which has gone into overdrive due to caffeine deficiency pipes up "I don't think she's thinking of you at all right now Helen." "Oh shut up!" says inner-child Helen wanting to take her toys and run home because everyone is picking on her, except she's just remembered Lindsay has all the toys and has sat down in the corner to cry. Rebellious Helen is trying to get everyone else psyched up for some fun she is so sick of being cooped up in a car and is reminding them "they saw those buns are they really trying to say they wouldn't be trying to get them some of it too. Why aren't they out there searching for some of their own? Maybe he has a brother." While concerned friend Helen counters every comment with "but what about poor Bobby?"

The ding of the bell from the masseuse's door interrupts her little argument with herself. She looks over and sees Lindsay in the arms of who else but flannel boy. 'God not only does he have a body to die for he's got masseur's hands too. This is so unfair!' Helen thinks 'And damn he's looking hotter and more dangerous than ever in black boots, jeans and leather jacket.' What's under the jacket she doesn't know because Lindsay is plastered so tightly to him it is impossible to tell but snidely Helen decides it must be flannel. Their lip suction only ends when they reach Lindsay's car. Helen notices how flushed Lindsay's face appears when they finally separate to get in the car and says "Yes you should be embarrassed" forgetting the possibility she may be flushed for a completely different reason than embarrassment. They drive off and Helen follows steam billowing out of her ears as she rehearses just exactly what she will say to Lindsay when she catches up with them. She's had quite enough of this little caper thankyou very much.

Helen is surprised and horrified to realize they are going to Bobby and Lindsay's apartment and infuriated when Lindsay takes the last parking spot on the street. She eventually finds a park three blocks away and is out of the car running toward their apartment almost before the car has come to a complete stop. She paces like a caged lion in the elevator before tearing out and banging ferociously on Lindsay's door.

"Helen what on earth happened to you?" A concerned Lindsay says guiding her into the apartment and towards the couch.

Helen is too stunned by this welcome to make comment. She expected embarrassment, avoidance and discomfort, not, not this ... this friendliness. 'Has she no shame' Helen thinks 'she's cheating on Bobby, has brought another man to their home to do who knows what with and yet she welcomes me in as if it's any other day. Well if she thinks I'm going to sit around here and do nothing she's got another thing coming'. Helen's bottom has barely touched the couch when she jumps back up and shouts, "Where the hell is that slimy bastard?"

"Helen!"

"Don't Helen me. Where is he?"

"Bobby's out of town you know that."

"I'm not talking about Bobby, as you well know."

"Then who are you talking about? Helen you aren't making sense. Sit down, let me make you some coffee then you can explain what it is that's upset you."

Helen's eyes go all glassy at the thought of coffee and she stops breathing for a little while until she remembers why she came in the first place.

"Where the hell is he Lindsay?"

"Who are you talking about?"

"Flannel boy your new mystery guy that blonde beefcake Sven with the wonder hands you're sleeping with behind Bobby's back."

Infuriated Lindsay shouts, "How dare you! Get out Helen. I want you to leave now!"

"Oh you would so you and Sven can go at it again. It wasn't enough you were trying to remove his tonsils with your tongue last night you have to bring him back here. Where are you hiding him? What, is he sitting waiting in Bobby's bed?"

Lindsay stares at her incredulous "Helen, I have no idea who you are talking about."

"Fine I'll find him myself" Helen begins searching the apartment "I know he's here, I saw him come in with you, so you may as well save us all some time and tell him to stop hiding. Tell him to come out and take it like a man or is that macho exterior just a disguise. You may as well tell him to come out I won't give up until I find him. I know he's here Lindsay so give it up."

"Fine you win" Lindsay struggling to keep a straight face turns away from Helen and calls out "Come out come out where-ever you are." She looks around expectantly than looks back at Helen apologetically "Sorry no one here but us. Are there any more childish games you want to play?"

Helen just groans and continues her search.

"Ok I guess we're still playing hide and seek then." Lindsay says following Helen into the kitchen. She rushes over to the freezer and stands in front of it as if protecting it from Helen. "Nothing to see here!" she pretends to be nervous. Then when Helen looks at her she resignedly says, "Oh ok yes he's hiding in the freezer so if you don't mind I'd like you to go so I can let him out before he turns into a Popsicle. Mind you if he's touched my ice-cream I may just have to kill him myself but you wouldn't prosecute me for that would you Helen?"

"God what's happened to you Lindsay?" Helen shouts back "How can you be so calm and blase about cheating on Bobby? Don't you feel any guilt, any remorse? Don't you care how much you're hurting him? You ... you are the last person I would ever suspect could be so callous."

"I'm calm Helen because I'm not now nor ever will be cheating on Bobby. Why you would think I am is beyond me. What the hell is wrong with you Helen?"

"There's nothing wrong with me. Lindsay can't you see what you're doing? You're throwing everything away."

"I know" Lindsay says guiltily "it's terrible but I can never find the time to recycle."

Helen stares at her as if she's speaking another language, then realizes she's standing next to the kitchen bin. "Arrrrrggghhh you just won't give up will you? Well neither will I." Helen walks away and continues her search. First in the spare room and then in Bobby and Lindsay's room Lindsay follows "Helen why on earth would you think I'm cheating on Bobby and tell me when did I find the time to do this? Just think for a moment, where the hell would I find the time to do it, if I wanted to, which I don't. I'm not like you I can't shuffle through a million guys at once, luckily Bobby is the only one I want or need. I'm perfectly satisfied with Bobby."

"Except sexually" Helen murmurs from somewhere inside the closet "That's why you need Sven and his magic fingers."

Lindsay has to fight her urge to smile. She wasn't sure Bobby would go through with that part of the script. They had debated it for over an hour with him initially refusing flat out to say he couldn't satisfy her. He finally gave in stating it was the ultimate proof of his love that he was willing to voluntarily admit to another person that he couldn't satisfy his wife when it is completely untrue. She reminds herself she must reward him for that later. Lindsay manages to hide her delight though and screams "What did you just say? How dare you."

Helen, turning to respond, spots something under Lindsay's pillow. It looks suspiciously like the flannel shirt mystery man was wearing last night. Helen's stomach lurches as she wonders did Lindsay wear it to bed last night or is she planning to do so tonight. "I can't believe you!" she says angrily as stalks over and reaches for the shirt "I can't believe you would..." she pulls it out and stops speaking mid-sentence too stunned and repulsed to finish. It isn't a shirt it is the most drab and dowdy nightdress she has ever seen. She looks at Lindsay amazed "sex with you husband was that repulsive an idea you had to frighten him away? Is this new guy really worth losing Bobby for?"

"Ok that's it, I've had enough of this nonsense. If you're not going to stop this minute I want you to get out!"

"Oh yeah you'd like that wouldn't you" Helen continues on her search muttering and throwing accusations at Lindsay all the way. Lindsay follows her appearing to be increasingly frustrated. When Helen begins opening bureau drawers Lindsay has had enough.

"Ok hold it right there. I put up with your charade of searching for a person but Helen, even in your most delusional state, you cannot expect to find anyone in there. So now the truth comes out what is it you are really looking for? Is this some fishing expedition for an upcoming case? Helen this is our home you aren't going to find anything here. Tell me what it is you're really looking for because I'm sick of this."

Helen continued rifling through the shelves and drawers during Lindsay's tirade when something catches her eye "Aha". She pulls out an Eddie Bauer catalogue "What do you have to say about that?" she says accusingly to Lindsay.

Lindsay looks at her confused "Well I'd say it's a catalogue but I'm guessing to you its evidence of some deep dark conspiracy."

"Bobby told me about these, about how obsessed with them you've become. I laughed at him and told him he was crazy but after last night I now know you're sleeping with your very own Eddie Bauer wannabe."

"Stop saying that!"

"What I don't understand is you've never gone for that type before Lindsay. He's my type. You were always interested in intellect over brawn."

"Brawn doesn't preclude intellect Helen. You don't even know him how can you judge whether he's intelligent or not."

Helen smirks delighted she's managed to get Lindsay to let something slip.

"I mean if there was someone" Lindsay explains "I'm just arguing against your generalization. There is no one!"

Helen just continues to smile feeling she's finally got the upper hand.

"Ok look," Lindsay opens the catalogue and points to a model. "He could be a brain surgeon for all you know," she turns the page and points to another one "and he is the head of his own fortune 500 company." She turns another page "and him" she pauses and looks closer "ok no this one has been sniffing too many trees."

Helen looks at the picture and laughs then becomes serious again "Lindsay Bobby is the love of your life."

"Hello! Helen isn't that what I've been saying for the last half hour?"

Helen holds up the catalogue in reply.

Lindsay sits on the bed frustrated "Ok yes I like these catalogues" she patiently explains "But it means nothing! Helen I often go to bed with a good book too but it doesn't mean I'm sleeping with the author."

Helen shakes her head and says disappointedly "Lindsay"

"Ok wait" Lindsay gets up and walks to the study where she opens the third drawer of Bobby's desk. Helen follows fascinated. Lindsay rummages for a while and then pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalogue and throws it at Helen "what does that tell you Helen. If I follow your logic I've just uncovered proof my husband is sleeping with a lingerie model."

Helen begins to argue but then realizes Lindsay has a point. Maybe Bobby was just overreacting to her letters and this is all a misunderstanding. She's searched the apartment from top to bottom and found nothing more than a catalogue and a horrible nightdress. The only thing she could convict Lindsay on with that type of evidence is a crime of fashion. She is just about to apologize for her behavior when it hits her 'What the hell am I thinking I saw her with him. I saw it with my own two eyes. God I'm beyond tired, not thinking well and Lindsay knows it and is using it against me.'

"Oh you are good!" she says angrily to Lindsay "Where is he?"

"Oh for crying out loud I thought this was over with. Helen what is wrong with you? Comfort clothes running around accusing me of cheating on Bobby. Helen you know how I feel about him. You know I would never do anything like that."

"That's what I told him" Helen says "But last night I saw you at the star wars marathon"

"I remember now" Lindsay says sarcastically "that was right after I left the star trek convention. Listen to yourself Helen. Star Wars marathon? This is insane! You're getting more ridiculous every moment. And ... and look at yourself you're standing here bare foot in your comfort clothes, it's two in the afternoon you haven't done your hair and I highly doubt you've even washed." Looking pointedly at the stain on Helen's pants "And you appear to have forgotten food is meant to be consumed not worn. You're raving about me watching Star Wars movies and sleeping with some mystery man behind Bobby's back and if I wasn't so concerned about you right now I would be highly offended at that. You know I love Bobby, only Bobby! You know I would never do anything to hurt him. You know how sacred my wedding vows are to me and yet, here you are, my best friend, standing in my own home saying these horrible things to me. Helen, I'm afraid for you. Something is seriously wrong with you." Lindsay pauses and looks at Helen concerned. Helen is listening intently to her desperately trying to process everything Lindsay has said. Unfortunately Lindsay is making too much sense. Lindsay quietly concernedly asks "Helen do you have a drinking problem?" Helen's mouth opens to answer but Lindsay keeps talking "Or have you partaken in, whether deliberately or inadvertently, the consumption of any illegal substances?"

"Lindsay!" Helen is stunned. "You know me better than that."

"I thought I did but Helen stop and think about what you are doing. You know me better than what you've accused me of and yet you felt it necessary to search my apartment before you could be convinced I didn't have a man stashed here. Just take a look at yourself Helen. Can you honestly say you aren't acting under some form of hallucinogen?"

Helen pauses long enough to consider what Lindsay has said and for the first time begins to doubt she has really seen what she believes she has seen. Her imagining it almost seems like a more reasonable explanation. Maybe she did accidentally take something and this has all just been a nightmare. She runs everything through her mind until she comes up with an inconsistency in Lindsay's story "If you and Bobby aren't fighting why didn't you go with him?"

"His father had the flu this week and Bobby wanted me to stay behind in case he needed anything. We're all he's got and Bobby didn't want him on his own just in case. I'm having lunch with him tomorrow."

'Reasonable explanation' Helen thinks. Lindsay almost has her convinced when she remembers Lindsay's purchases. That's physical evidence, the proof she needs to show she hasn't imagined this. "Lindsay can I have your car keys?"

"Helen you're not in a fit state to drive anywhere. You are not getting my keys."

Helen begins to smile thinking 'Yes you don't want me near the car do you?' until Lindsay's next comment.

"Where do you want to go? I'll drive you."

Stunned Helen says, "I don't want to drive anywhere I just want to have a look at something."

Lindsay looks warily at Helen.

"I swear I won't drive" Helen assures her.

Lindsay nods and goes to get the keys. She returns with a pair of sneakers too. Handing them to Helen she says, "here you might want to wear these." Helen puts the sneakers on then takes the keys from Lindsay. "It's in my spot in the garage," Lindsay says.

"No you parked it on the street." Helen argues.

Lindsay rolls her eyes "Fine it's on the street but if you don't find it there I'd suggest you check the garage."

Helen opens the door then stops as Lindsay begins walking away, "Aren't you coming?"

"To see my car? No I don't think so. I'm making you something to eat and drink for when you get back."

Helen watches her suspiciously but she does appear to be headed for the kitchen. She leaves and goes down to the street to check the car. 'Ha ha ha try getting out of this one' she thinks before stopping dead in her tracks. No car! Shaking her head she begins chanting to herself as she walks towards the parking garage "I did see it, I did see it all, I'm not crazy. This isn't happening. I mean that is happening but this isn't happening. No this is happening but that isn't ... Dammit I don't know what I mean anymore and who exactly am I talking to? Myself? ... shit! I am going crazy I'm talking to myself." When she finds Lindsay's car in her designated spot in the garage she stands there stunned. "There's a perfectly good explanation for this. I don't have a clue what it is but there's a perfectly good explanation for this" she tells herself as she moves to the trunk. She opens the trunk only to find it empty. Where are the parcels? She didn't see flannel boy and Lindsay take them up as they only had hands for each other. She pauses thinking dreamily about masseur's hands and how nice they would feel then admonishes herself to pay attention and start thinking seriously. Could she really have imagined it all? She does have a bit of a headache maybe she did drink too much the only thing is she doesn't remember drinking anything at all. After that table-top dancing incident she swore off tequila so she wonders what it was she may have drunk last night. It all seems so real though. It just doesn't make any sense. No it must be real. Think Helen think. This is so strange. Where is all the evidence? Everything is perfect and in its place except ... wait a minute ... Helen rejuvenated storms back to the apartment. Flinging the door open she asks, "Where's Bobby's car?"

"At the airport" Lindsay calmly replies.

"No he got a cab last night I saw him do it."

"Just like last night you saw me kissing some mystery guy and watching Star Wars movies. Well I'm sorry Helen but what can I say, Bobby's car is in the short time parking at Logan International. We can go there and check on it if you want." Lindsay is terrified Helen may say yes because then she will have to call Bobby and tell him to get his car to the airport ASAP. After he has just run around moving her car off the street and into the garage and emptying the contents of it's trunk into his car before leaving for his father's he may not be too impressed with then having to drive to the airport. They were lucky Helen hadn't managed to park in front of their building so Bobby had enough time to slip into the garage unnoticed after they entered the building. Now to have the whole plan fall apart because his car isn't at the airport would be so frustrating. Luckily Helen doesn't take her up on the offer. She just slumps onto the couch. She dejectedly attempts to make a few comments but never gets further than "But ... wha ... ar" before giving up.

Lindsay hands her a sandwich and a drink. "Here have this and then I want you to go into the spare room and have a rest. You'll feel better when you wake up and then we can try and work out what is going on with you."

The idea of sleep is suddenly very appealing to Helen and she has almost succumbed to it before finishing her sandwich. She keeps thinking how lucky she is to have a friend like Lindsay to look after her when she goes a little crazy. Lindsay helps her stand and leads her towards the room.

"I'm sorry for the things I said" Helen says quietly.

"Helen it's me. I know you go crazy occasionally and say things you don't mean. You were angry and upset. Sometimes we say things when we are angry and upset and it's best to just forget about them. If we take them to heart you never know what might happen."

"You're such a good friend!" Helen groggily says as her head hits the pillow and she is instantly asleep.

Lindsay suffers from a sudden pang of guilt. Maybe they have gone too far. Helen was really upset before. She considers calling the rest of it off but then decides this is Helen. 'All or nothing' Helen. Helen would rather see it through to the end and have suffered for a point than to have Lindsay go easy on her and end it early. Besides if she stops now Helen will think she doesn't have the stomach for payback and won't fear setting Lindsay up again another time. No she has to go through with it for everybody's sake. She smiles thinking how perfectly it's all gone so far.