After Such A Love As This

London, 1967

It was about 11:30 a.m. I was just starting my first ever trip to London, and I was really excited. As a country girl, this was my first trip to a city, other than visiting Liverpool every now and again to see my family. I was awe-struck by all of the historic monuments I’d ever heard of which I now saw as I stepped off the train. I strolled along, suitcases in hands, when suddenly I stood still in the middle of the street. I realised I was in the middle of London, but besides that fact I didn’t have the foggiest notion as to where I was! I didn’t know how to get anywhere, or where I was going to stay. I felt really vulnerable and I started to panic. Tears pushed their way up into my eyes, and I bit my lip to stop them, when suddenly I saw a man walk towards me. He started talking to me in a really strong cockney accent, and coming from up north I didn’t really understand a word he was saying. I did notice one thing about him though. He was very cute.

“My dear gel, wotevah is tha mattah? Are you lost or sammink?” he asked. I nodded. He took my hand and patted it gently. “Not ta warry, Ancuw Keef’ll taik care o’ ya! You not from rahnd ‘ere? Wot’s ya naime?”

I gulped and smiled at him gratefully. “My name’s Heather. No, I’m from somewhere near Liverpool, never been to London before, it’s a bit overwhelming! I’m lost and I’ve got nowhere to stay or anything!” I explained. I decided against telling him I was scared out of my little mind as that would just have been highly pathetic. He grinned cheekily at me.

“Wew, ‘Evvah, my dear gel, you’re saif nah wiv me. I’ll look arfta ya! I’m jast aut fer me lanch wiv a few o’ me maits, wouldja laik ta join as?” he offered. I still didn’t quite catch every word he said but I caught the gist of it. I nodded.

“Thanks very much, Keith,” I said, smiling. I felt better already. He grinned and kept hold of my hand as we walked over to where his friends were. I kept on telling myself not to make a prat of myself, in between thoughts of, “Flippin’ ‘eck, he’s gorgeous!”

“Evvah, ‘is is my maits, John, Rogah and Pait. Fellahs, ‘is is Evvah. She’s lost, poor gel. Can we look arfta ‘er, d’ya fink?” he asked them, a sly grin playing on his lips, which I didn’t quite cotton on to.

Roger knew exactly what he was thinking and said, “Wew, as ya knaw, ‘m good at bein’ a gentuwman, so I’ll do me best. You’d be bettah lookin’ arfta ‘er yoursewf though, Keef me awl mate.” I was highly relieved, Roger seemed to be rather slimy, and I didn’t like him much on sight. Keith, however, was a different kettle of fish altogether…

“So, wot’s a beautifuw gel laik you doin’ in a damp laik ‘is?” Keith asked me. I decided cockney accents were really sexy and made it my mission to get myself one before my stay was over.

“I’ve never been here before and I wondered what it was like. I’m from the country really, and I wondered what a big city was like,” I explained. I asked them what they did here and John spoke up.

“We’re a rock band, babe. We’re cawed the ‘Oo,” he informed me.

“Who?” I asked, not quite hearing him.

He nodded, “Yeah, ‘Oo,” he replied.

Then it dawned on me that that was the name of the band. To make matters worse, I realised I knew exactly who they were - I’d even bought one of their albums! - but hadn’t recognised them! I felt really stupid and blushed a lovely shade of red. Well, I wasn’t really a die-hard fan anyway, I didn’t even know their names, I just liked Substitute! Keith noticed and smiled.

“Er, I’m the dramma. Rogah sings lead, John plays bass and Pait wraits songs and plays lead guitar,” he told me. I had to pretend that I still didn’t know who they were and so I acted as though I was taken aback.

“You’re a drummer?” I asked.

He frowned, “Yeah,” he answered, slightly offended, “wot’s wrong wi’ tha’?” I shook my head violently and explained myself. Finally I had chance to chat him up!

“No, er, I didn’t mean it like that!” I cried. Keith’s face softened. “It’s just that I thought of all the other drummers in rock bands, and, well, they’re all butt ugly. And you, well, you aren’t,” I explained. Roger burst out laughing.

“Wew, Moonie, I fink yi’ve puwed tanaight, babe!” he chuckled. I blushed again. Keith smiled gently and raised his eyebrows.

“Wew, coulda bin worse,” he reasoned, “I coulda puwed someone as aglee as Pait!” Everyone laughed except Pete, and me, although I raised a half smile, as I was trying to stay diplomatic.

“Moonie? Like, pulling a moonie?” I asked, hopefully. Everyone burst out laughing.

“Nah, ya soft sod! Moonie, my surnaim is Moon, ‘at’s why they caw me tha’. Whadda they caw you?” he inquired. I blushed.

“Er, Woolhat, or Woolie for short,” I admitted, staring at the ground. The guys looked a bit puzzled so I felt I had to explain. “I’m a fan of The Monkees you see, and Mike Nesmith, the dude from Texas, he wears a green bobble hat called a woolhat, and all my friends call me that because…” I stopped myself. There was no way I was going to tell Keith Moon I fancied someone else! “…because I thought they were groovy,” I half-lied. Well, I did think they were groovy, but that was only half the reason.

“The Mankais?” asked Pete, surprised, “Oh, we’re good maits wiv ‘em. Wew, free of as are, Rog don’t laik Davy aw ‘at mach. We’w aw ‘af ta gow aht wiv ‘em one naight, it’ll be fan,” he told me. “Ah fink you’ll laik Phyllis,” he continued.

“Phyllis? Who’s Phyllis?” I asked, furrowing my brow. He looked at me, gobsmacked.

“Why, she’s Mike’s waif, di’n’t ya knaw?” he answered. My stomach turned. Mike was married? And nobody told me? I tried not to let it show that I was bothered, but John, who was a sensitive individual, could tell I was cut up about it. He didn’t mention anything about it until we got back to their house. Even then, he didn’t say anything because I’d upset him over something so he didn’t speak to anyone…

Oh, yeah, I went to their house to stay the night. Keith let it slip I had nowhere to stay, and Roger quickly looked at John and Pete who nodded and then Pete said, “Course, you could always staiy at our auhse.” I had no choice but to accept. I mean, who else had I met in London who would look after me?

“Thanks a lot guys, but I wouldn’t want to put you out, and I…” I began to protest politely. Of course I was desperate to stay, but I wanted to play hard to get for a change!

“My dear gel, wiw you stop panickin’? It’ll give ya an ‘eart attack one o’ these daiys!” piped up Keith, resting a hand on my thigh. I pretended I hadn’t noticed it. “You’ll staiy at our auhse and that’s an end to it. We won’t bite ya!” he promised, then he whispered to me, “wew, not raight nah anywaiy! Maiybe laiter if you’re a good gel!”

I blushed and giggled. I leaned over to him and whispered, “Oh, but I’m a very good girl all the time, Mr. Moon, trust me!” He threw his head back and laughed loudly. I grinned to myself.

“’Is gel can give as good as she gets ya knaw!” he gleefully told the others, “I maight jast get ta laik you, Woolie!”

“Oh, I do hope so,” I told him truthfully, giving him my best puppy dog eyes face. He gulped and turned away. Maybe you went a bit far this time, Heath, I thought to myself. Suddenly Keith stood up.

“C’mon, let’s gaw awm,” he insisted, helping me out of my seat. What a gentleman! I thought. He took my hand again and we sat in the back of their car with John, who was brooding quietly in a corner.

“Is John always like this, or is it just because he doesn’t know me?” I asked Keith.

“Nah, ‘e’s ahways laik ‘is,” he answered. “Y’know, you look really lavely tanaight, babe,” he whispered, and leaned over to kiss me. I was in two minds about this, I mean, I’d known him for, what? A little under two hours, and we were in a snogging situation already. But surely one little kiss wouldn’t do any harm, would it? Not knowing which would be best, I kissed his cheek and turned away, but snuggled into him more.

“Ah, so ya down’t laik bein’ kissed by Keef do ya?” he teased.

“No, it’s not that,” I began, “It’s just cuddles last longer and you don’t get out of breath as quickly!” He screwed his face up and nodded.

“You got a point ‘er, my dear gel!” he agreed as he slipped his arm around me. “Naw, when we get ‘awm, I ‘ave ta warn ya, John ‘as got a very anushual pet,” he told me. My eyes widened.

“What, like, a hamster?” I asked. He shook his head. “An iguana?” again, I was wrong. “Well, what is it then?” I demanded.

“’E’s got a pet spidah cawed Boris,” Pete called from the front seat. I sat up with a start.

“SPIDER?” I squealed, gripping onto Keith’s arm so hard he yelped in pain. “You never said anything about spiders! Look, Pete, can you stop the car please? I have to get out, I’m not sharing a house with a spider for anyone!” I panicked. Keith turned and looked at me with those deep brown eyes of his. It’s unfair that someone should be allowed to have eyes as beautiful as that. They could get him away with murder, I’m telling you!

“Wot, not even fer me, dear gel?” he half-whispered. I looked into his eyes and knew I wasn’t going to be able to refuse them, although I did try, I really did!

“No, not even for you… No, don’t look at me like that… I hate spiders! They scare me! No… I can’t do it! No… Oh, well… well… you better promise me that you won’t let it anywhere near me, my dear boy!” I finally relented.

The eyes had got to me. I’m so easily won over, it’s pathetic…

“Don’t you warry, my dear gel, I won’t leave your side for a minute!” he promised. I had to admit that I liked the sound of that.

“Anyway, ‘e keeps it in a caige,” explained Roger, who had been unusually quiet during the journey home.

“My Boris wouldn’t ‘urt a flaiy!” piped up John. Everyone looked at him, almost shocked that he spoke! “Don’t you be ‘orrid to ‘im, ‘Evvah, else you’ll ‘ave ‘is mum and dad and bruvvas and sistas to arnser to!” he warned me. I gulped and clung onto Keith even more tightly.

“I won’t go anywhere near Boris, John, I promise!” I squeaked. He nodded, satisfied with that, and we didn’t hear a peep from him for at least another two hours. I looked puzzled for a minute and asked, “Isn’t it a spider’s job to hurt flies? I mean, what else do they eat?”

“Wew, it aw depends on wevva it’s hangry enaf to eat a human bein’,” Roger began, “I mean if it was really hangry ‘en it’d choose the fleshiest one art of as aw fahst, wouldn’t ‘e?” I looked at all of the guys and then down at myself and gulped. I knew I shouldn’t have had that cream cake this morning, I thought. I looked at Keith and shuddered. He laughed.

“Look, Rog, wiw ya not scare the poor gel?! Laik I said babe, I’ll look arfta ya, no need ta warry!” he reassured me.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, we pulled up at their house. It was a poky little terraced house which looked as though it hadn’t been cleaned in months. When we got inside I was surprised to find it was rather clean. I was impressed! After our tea, Pete decided to take me on a guided tour of the house. Keith insisted on accompanying me.

“You don’t need to you know, babe, I’m sure Pete won’t get us lost!” I assured him. He shook his head.

“Nope, sorry. My dear gel, I made you a promise and I’m stickin’ to it!” he insisted. I shrugged and said no more.

“So, er, where am I going to sleep then?” I asked, all of a sudden feeling absolutely exhausted. My eyes half closed and I leaned my head on Keith’s shoulder.

“Wew, you could ahways share wiv me, if ya laik!” Keith told me seriously. I looked at him.

“Don’t be soft, how could I trust you?!” I asked playfully. He shook his head.

“I’m not the one you need to be bovvahd abaht, babe. It’s Rogah ‘oo’s the lady killah,” he told me. I looked over at Roger. I still didn’t like the look of him much. I looked at Pete who shook his head.

“John don’t share a room wiv gels, they maik ‘im lose concentration while ‘e’s broodin’. And I snore very lauhdly so ya wouldn’t wanna be kept awaik aw naight by that wouldja?” he explained. I shook my head.

“Well, what about the settee?” I asked. Pete laughed.

“The cauch is a family heirloom from abaht free farsan years agaw. Not even Boris sleeps on that, it’s a wreck!” Another mention of Boris. I turned to Keith.

“You don’t share a room with Boris, do you?” I asked. He shook his head.

“Well then, I suppose it’s you and me then, my dear boy, isn’t it?” His facial expression didn’t change.

“Fair enaf then babe. I’ll get Rog ta sleep in the barf tanaight. It’s okay, ‘e laiks it in there. It’s quiet and if ‘e ‘as enaf pillahs ‘en it’s quait camfy too!” he told me. “Naw, wouldja laik a drink? Brandy?” he asked. I nodded.

“You don’t have any whisky knockin’ about do you?” I asked hopefully. He smiled.

“You’re a gel arfta me own ‘eart! Sorry, babe, no whisky tanaight, bat maybe we’w getcha sam tamorra,” he apologised.

“Tomorrow? You mean, I’m staying tomorrow as well?” I asked, incredulously.

“Wew, I fort ya was gonna staiy fer a cappla weeks or sammink,” he told me, furrowing his brow. I shook my head.

“I’m only staying till tomorrow morning and then I’m offski!” I told him. He pouted.

“Are ya goin’ ‘owm tamorra?” he asked. I shook my head again.

“No, not for another three months, I just want to get my bearings in this place,” I explained. His face lit up.

“My dear gel, jast ‘aw exackly jew expect ta faind your way arahnd ‘is place wivaht samone ta ‘ewp ya?!” he asked. Before I got chance to answer, he continued. “You can’t possibly know your way arahnd in free manfs. My dear gel, I’ve lived in Landan aw me laif, I’ll make sure you’re okay. Promise! I’ll show exackly where you need ta gaw and wot ta say to all the raight peepuw, you’ll be perfickly saif wiv me and the lads!” I had to admit he had a point, and I did really get on with him and Pete. John never really said anything, and I still wasn’t sure about Roger, but I didn’t need to live in his pockets! After about ten seconds thought, I nodded my head in agreement.

“But I’ll need to find somewhere else to stay because I’m not having poor old Rog sleeping in a bath for two months!” I argued. Pete shrugged his shoulders.

“I was gonna get a camp bed from me sista’s auhse for Rog tamorra, bat if you insist on movin’ aut…” he trailed off.

“Well if he’s only going to be in the bath one night, and if he doesn’t mind…” I began, doubtfully. Keith grinned broadly.

“It’s settuwed ‘en. You’re staiyin’ for as long as ya laik!” he declared proudly.

I wandered back into the living room with Pete and Keith to find Roger sat on the settee watching television and John brooding in his chair. He had something on his knee, and I took a few steps forward to see what it was.

“AAAAHHHHH! Boris!” I squealed in fright, and I hid behind Keith and Pete.

“Don’t scream laik ‘at!” barked John, angrily, “It ‘urts ‘is ears. And mine.” I blushed and apologised. Then I turned to Roger and thanked him for letting me have his bed. His ears pricked up.

“You move quick, doncha?” he asked, smiling cheekily. I felt ill. Pete explained about the new sleeping arrangements, and Roger nodded his understanding. “Not ta warry babe. Anyfink for a pretty faice, ‘at’s my motto!” he added, smiling a slimy smile at me. I wanted to throw up, but didn’t. I sat down in between Pete and Keith and we watched TV for a while.

There was a really naff film on, and I got bored quickly. When it had finished, about two hours later, I felt quite thirsty and turned to Keith.

“What about that drink, Moonie? Brandy and coke please,” I asked.

“You wimp, not drinkin’ it neat!” he teased.

“I’m a lady, it’s not the sort of thing we do,” I told him, almost loftily. He giggled and poured me out the hugest measure of brandy I’d ever seen in my life. I took one sip and it burned my throat as it went down. I felt really tipsy very quickly. I drank it slowly, as I glanced up at the clock. Ten past ten. I’d been here for longer than I thought Where had the time gone? Then I realised they still hadn’t put the clock foward from March. Okay so it was August now but I kind of understood why they hadn’t done it yet. They were men, that was the only necessary explanation.

“You do realise that my dad threatened to kill the last boy who got me drunk,” I slurred some time later. I just managed to make out that the clock said ten past one, so it was ten past two. I’d been drinking the same glass of brandy for three hours. Roger burst out laughing.

“Wew, Moonie, ‘elp as faind ya replacement wiw ya?!” he chortled. Even when drunk, I still didn’t like Roger at all. I scowled at him and turned to Moonie.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll protect you!” I promised, resting a hand on his shoulder. He smiled.

“You lightweight!” he chuckled. I nodded. “Ah, wew, I’ll forgive ya! C’mon, you look tired, I’ll show ya your bed,” he told me as he helped me up. Roger winked at us. I wanted to hit him, but couldn’t make a fist. Keith showed me into the room and said he’d be in in ten minutes. I nodded and quickly got dressed for bed. I slipped underneath the duvet and closed my eyes. I was almost asleep when Keith came in.

“You asleep?” he half-whispered. I didn’t move, but told him yes as loudly as I could. He chuckled.

“I’ll see ya innah mornin’ babe. I know you’re asleep and you proberly won’t know ‘is, bah…” he paused and leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “I bin wannin’ ta do that for ages!” he whispered. I turned over and smiled.

“Thanks,” I murmured. I half opened my eyes and was greeted by the two biggest, most beautiful brown eyes I’d ever seen. I sat up a little bit and kissed him, like I should have done in the car eleven hours ago. Oh my goodness, it was like nothing on earth! He got into his own bed and told me if I had a nightmare or anything, he was only across the room and he’d be more than willing to give me a cuddle if I got scared. I thanked him again and decided that even if I wasn’t scared, I’d have to put all my drama skills into practice!

At about two o’clock that morning, I woke up because I felt something tickling my feet. I thought it was Moonie Babes and I giggled and kicked him away. Then I realised it wasn’t him at all, he was still in his bed. It wasn’t Pete or John or (thankfully) Roger, so who could it have been? I stopped thinking very quickly. It was Boris. The spider. Oh no. I needed to scream, but was afraid.

“Moonie!” I called as loudly as I could without waking the whole house up, “Moonie, Boris is in my bed! KEITH!” That woke him up.

“Wot is it babe? Wot?” he asked me, groggily. He was still half asleep and he looked so cute when he switched on the light and rubbed his eyes. He was just wearing a pair of tartan boxer shorts, and the first thing I thought when I saw him was, “Hmmm, nice legs. And bottom… Flamin’ roll on!” I just wanted to throw my arms around him and cuddle him!

“Boris. On my leg! Get him off NOW!” I shakily ordered. He picked Boris up and carefully took him outside and put him back in his cage. Then he came back into the room and gazed at me, who was shaking with fright.

“Wonnah caddaw?” he asked. I nodded. He sat on my bed and put his arms around me. He was so easy to cuddle! I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.

“Wotsa matta, dahlin’?” he asked, concerned. I shrugged.

“I’m just really happy, Moonie. I’ve made friends already in London and I think I’m going to have a really good time,” I explained. He tightened his grip on me, but not so much that it hurt, just that he made me feel safer.

“You know, it sahnds really cute when you say ‘Moonie’ in a Scarse accent!” he complimented me. “I tew ya wot. If ya laik, you can come aht wiv as on tour. It stahts in abaht a week ‘n’ a ‘ahf. I mean, Rog brings all ‘is ‘andreds o’ gelfriends wiv ‘im, don’t see why you shadn’t cam too. Besides, I think we’ve aw taiken a shine to ya. Even John!” He said the last sentence as though it was the greatest honour anyone could be given. I smiled.

“I’d love to! I’ve never been a groupie before!” I told him, excitedly. He laughed, and lay down on the bed, taking me with him. My pulse quickened.

“You’re a one, you are, yang Woolie!” he chuckled, “but I’m far too taired to tawk anymore, I’m gowina sleep.” And with that, he closed his eyes, and slowly drifted to sleep. I watched him breathing, it was almost hypnotic. He looked so beautiful and serene, lying there in my arms. I sighed and lay my head on his chest, and soon I too was asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I woke up the next morning with my arms still around Moonie. I looked up at him, and he was gazing down at me.

“Good mownin’, my dear gel, ‘are are ya ‘is mownin? Recavvahed from bein’ attacked by Boris yet?” he teased. I nodded.

“Well, I had a knight in shining armour to save me. It’s just his armour was at the dry cleaners so he was just in his boxers instead!” I retorted. I had started saying the most ridiculous things I could think of just to hear his gorgeous laugh. I wasn’t disappointed. It had had the desired effect. When he stopped laughing, I squeezed him tightly and sat up. I forced myself out of bed and had to get Moonie up too. We walked hand-in-hand into the living room and I sat down on the settee next to Roger.

“Did you have a nice sleep?” I asked, trying to make an effort with him. His eyes gleamed and he turned to me.

“Not as naice as you did by the looks o’ fings!” he answered, grinning at me. I shook my head.

“Boris walked all over me last night and I had to get Moonie to help me out,” I explained. He nodded.

“And then?” he asked, wanting ALL the gory details. I felt sorry for him, so I decided to build up the suspense.

“THEN, he took Boris outside. When he came back in he sat on my bed and gave me a big cuddle to stop me being scared. AND THEN…” I stopped short. His eyes widened.

“Yeah? Then wot?” he pleaded, wanting more.

“Then… he fell asleep,” I finished, simply. Pete and John laughed fit to kill themselves, and Keith started chuckling as well. Roger looked disappointed, but still smiled. Then he started giggling like a little boy. Then he laughed really loudly, and Keith looked at me.

“Ah, nah, Evvah, look wot you’ve dan!” he jokingly remonstrated with me, “’e’ll be laik ‘is for ‘AURS!” I looked at Roger, who was turning a nice shade of purple as he carried on laughing, silently now. I covered my mouth with my hands in shock and turned to the rest of them.

“Sorry!” I mouthed. They all shook their heads and told me not to worry. I mean, I wasn’t really sorry, but it wouldn’t do the band any good if their lead singer suffocated to death a week and a half before they started touring! I turned to him and thought of the thing that was most likely to annoy him.

“Hey, Rog, did you know that Davy Jones has been voted Sexiest Short Bloke in Britain for the THIRD year running?” I asked, casually. He stopped laughing and looked angry.

“’E ISN’T!” he half-shouted, “I’ve bin tryin’ for AGES to take that taitle away from ‘im! If ennyone deserves ‘at taitle, ‘en it’s deffnitley ME!” I smiled and nodded.

“My work is done!” I declared triumphantly, “Now you won’t hear a giggle from him for ages!” I was very proud of myself. So was my darling Moonie Babes.

“I fink you diserve an aword for that, ‘Ev!” he told me. My eyes glinted.

“And what award would that be, pray tell?” I asked mischievously. He grinned.

“Wew, I did ‘ave a liddle sammink fow ya, bat I, er, left it in our room. Foller me, it’s jast in ‘ere…” he trailed off. I grinned broadly as he grabbed my hand and led me into the room. I dutifully followed him, I had a very good idea of what my ‘award’ was, and didn’t want to waste any time in receiving it!

“Ah, Gawd, not anavvah one!” moaned Pete. He hated everyone who was in love. Well, not them, just the mere fact that everyone else had found love except for him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We were on the road. I was really excited about it. I was sat in the back, cuddled up with Moonie Babes. I babbled on for half an hour about nothing in particular (something I have a tendency to do when I get nervous) until Moonie shut me up with a kiss.

“DON’T maik me ‘ave ta do ‘at again!” he told me, in mock severity. I smiled.

“Really? Why? What else would you do?” I asked him cheekily. He whispered something into my ear - you know, the way people newly in love do and it’s SO annoying because you want to know what they said, and then you realise that you don’t, at all - and I burst out laughing.

“Well, if that’s my punishment, you are going to have a very tough job shutting me up!” I told him. Roger rolled his eyes.

“Aw, c’mon, give it a rest, wiw ya? You’re knockin’ me sick!” he moaned. Keith turned him, surprised.

“Wot, you mean it’s different when you do ‘at to a gel, I can’t be a charmah as wew, can’t I?” he asked. Roger glared at him and shut up, knowing he had a point. I rolled my eyes, appalled at his grammar once more. John stopped brooding for a minute and turned to us.

“’E das ‘ave a point, ya know. It is a bit, ya know, off pattin’. Speshly at meaw taims. And yahw grammah is terribuw, Moonie!” he scolded. Keith turned to me for support but I shook my head.

“Sorry, but John’s right, you have rubbish grammar,” I hesitantly told him. He scowled and said he didn’t care, but then crossed his arms and sulked. I giggled and turned his face to me.

“Ah, but it’s kinda sexy, you know,” I informed him. His face lit up.

“REALLY?” he asked. I found myself speechless as I gazed into his eyes again. Sometimes I wished he had less gorgeous eyes. I merely nodded and kissed him again.

“FOR GAWD’S SAIK WIW YA GIVE IT A REST?!” roared Roger, Pete and John in unison. We all laughed.

“Can’t help it, sorry. It’s all his eyes’ fault. If he didn’t have them then I’m sure I’d be able to resist him better!” I explained.

“I can’t ewp ‘avin’ ayes laik mine! And, ennywaiy, wot abaht you? If you weren’t so naice and gowjas ‘en I’d be aybuw ta risisst you!” he protested. We both shrugged and cuddled into each other again.

“Trapped by our own devillish good looks,” I sighed, blatantly quoting from Too Many Girls, one of my favourite Monkees episodes. Moonie nodded in agreement, not really having a clue what I was on about.

“I mesewf am deeply jealous,” remarked Pete. I burst out laughing.

“You saw that episode too!” I almost squealed, happily. He looked confused.

“Nah. Wot in ‘Eavan’s name are you on abart naw?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Never mind, it was just a Monkees episode. It was all about Roger’s favourite person pulling too many girls. Mike said, ‘He’s trapped by his own devillish good looks,’ and Micky said, ‘I myself am deeply jealous!’ I thought you knew where I was coming from! Never mind,” I murmured as I resumed my comfortable position of being snuggled into the cutest drummer to have ever existed. Roger had a black look on his face.

“I bet ‘e don’t puw ‘arf as menny gels as I do, Jones the Puftah! An’ I’m sure ‘e’s not got no, y’know…” he bitched. Everyone laughed.

“He does, you know,” I defended Davy in his absence. Moonie turned to me with an ‘and-how-do-you-know?!’ look on his face. I blushed.

“Not that I’d know about that, of course. You might be right, Rog!” I told him. He nodded triumphantly. “Pigs might also fly one day…” I continued, innocently. Keith sniggered and buried his face in my hair, looking for my neck. He found it and kissed it gently. I gasped.

“DON’T do that, Moonie!” I begged. He raised his eyebrows.

“Why evah not?” he inquired, his eyes gleaming wickedly.

“You, er, don’t want to know,” I muttered.

“I DO!” he protested. I sighed.

“I’ll, er, tell you later,” I promised. He nodded and started gently poking me in the ribs. I hate it when people tickle me! I fought him off as best as I could and offered a big snog to whoever helped me. Never one to refuse a kiss from any member of the female species, Roger promptly threw Keith off me and stood there, grinning.

“Wew?” he said, expectantly, “do I ‘ave ta wait aw day?” I shuddered. I leaned over and gave him the quickest peck on the cheek in the history of mankind.

“Not gud enaf, my dear gel,” he told me.

“OI! ‘At’s my line!” Keith protested. I opened my mouth to agree with him, when Roger took it upon himself to give me a huge, sloppy, horrible, makes-you-want-to-puke-then-and-there snog. When he finished he opened his eyes to find my horrified expression staring back at him. If I didn’t like him before, I was totally freaked out by him now. He shook his head.

“Eivah you ‘ave no taiste, or I’m losin’ me tatch!” he sighed. I screwed my face up in disgust, while Keith looked ready to punch his lights out. The only thing I could possibly do to alleviate the problem was:

“Keith, come here, I need to get the nasty taste out of my mouth,” I moaned and I brought him closer to me. He was very obliging.

“I’m deeply ‘urt and offended by ‘at remark, yang laydee,” Roger snarled angrily. I calmly stopped kissing Moonie and looked up and apologised, but told him that if he wished to avoid any more outbursts of that nature from me then he should leave playing tonsil hockey to his bimbo groupies and not practise on his band mate’s girlfriend.

“And besides,” I added, knowing this would add insult to injury, “next time you decide to try kissing me, get some lessons in it, wouldja? I’d say Keith’d teach you, but, er, you know, you don’t want to start in the advanced class if you’re only a beginner, do you?” He looked as though he’d hit me, but I didn’t care, I’d said my piece and was happy to leave it at that. Keith quickly adopted a self-satisfied smirk and I could tell he was really happy with that comment. I expected him to blow on his fingernails and rub them against his chest and then wink cheesily, but he didn’t.

“Go, girl!” called the female driver who, until now, had remained silent.

“Cheers Ricki!” I answered. I was sure one day she’d make it as a chat show hostess or something…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

John was hunched up over a sheet of paper, a pen in his hand. He was reading aloud as he was writing.

“Dear Boris, I’m missin’ you dreadfully. Aw daiy long I ‘ave pined for you and you ‘ave not been ‘ere to keep me sane when aw arahnd me is going mad. F’rixarmpuw, ‘Evvah and Moonie seem to not be abuw ta keep their ‘ahnds (not ta mention lips) orf each avvah and it’s doin’ aw our ‘eads in. She was dead narsty ta poor Rog, although I mast admit it was rather amusin’ at the taim…” he paused and looked up. “Wot ews can I wrait?” he asked. I looked over to him.

“Er, who are you writing to, babe? Boris? Tell him that when we get back I only want one person sharing my bed and it ISN’T him!” I told him. Roger looked up with an expression of disgust on his face.

“Not MY bed you’re not! Not wiv ‘im, ennywaiy!” he insisted, glaring at Keith, who pulled a face at him. I glared at both of them to shut up bickering. Keith nodded and muttered something about Rog being jealous of his kissing technique just loud enough for Rog to hear what he was saying. I had to hide a giggle as I saw the look in Moonie’s eyes, knowing he was winding Roger up bad style and revelling in the satisfaction of it. It was almost enough to make me feel sorry for Roger! “Also tell him that everyone is missing him, except me because I’m scared of him, although I feel very sorry that you are missing him so badly. That’s awfully sweet, you know,” I continued. John’s face for the first time (I think, ever) grew into a broad grin.

“Jew really fink so?” he asked. I nodded, and told him that not many people write letters to their pets when they’re away from home. “Ah, bat Boris ain’t JAST me pet, ‘e’s me sawmait!” he told me, dramatically. I had to stifle a laugh, which was difficult, as I am the person most likely to giggle at anything remotely funny. I just smiled and told him that that was lovely.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The tour bus finally arrived in Leeds. The Who got out first but just before Keith got out he turned to me.

“Look, wiw ya do as a favour? Pretend you’re me casin or sammink whail we’re goin’ frew ‘is crahd,” he asked. I frowned.

“You ashamed of me or something?” I asked, quick to get defensive. He shook his head.

“Cowse not, ya soft sod! I’ll nevah be ashaimed of ya, babe! It’s jast ‘at sam o’ these fans can be a bit narsty to anyone they fink might be a gelfriend of one of as. Rogah’s conquests ‘ave aw been got at, cos he parades ‘em laik trowphies to everyone. I jast don’t want ‘em to treat you badly, y’see. I’m lookin’ arfta ya ‘is way!” he explained. My face softened and I nodded.

“All right then, coz!” I agreed. He looked at me again. And I was meant to keep my hands off him for ten minutes while he had eyes like THAT?! What did he think I was?!

We got out of the bus and I got given a few black looks from a few girls. Keith grinned broadly at them.

“’Ello, my dear gels! ‘Are are ya?” he asked. They swooned a bit and said they were fine, but carried on glaring at me. He turned to me and then looked at them.

“Ah, ‘is is mah casin, ‘Evvah. She’s very shy, so be genkuw!” he told them. Looks of relief that their darling Keith was still single filled their eyes. I saw one girl looking saucily at Keith and BLATANTLY giving him the eye. He caught a glimpse of her and smiled a highly cute smile. I wanted to throttle her but had to control myself.

After what seemed like hours, we finally got inside. I looked around to make sure the coast was clear and grabbed hold of Moonie and gave him a massive kiss. Afterwards he looked dazed and said,

“Whew! Guess by ‘at you fahnd ‘at as difficuwt as I did!” I nodded.

“I wanted to hit that girl who was giving you the eye,” I admitted. He sighed.

“Wew, she ain’t ta know abaht as, is she? Dawn’t blaim ‘er! She stiw finks I’m availabuw! Don’t gow getting’ jellus on me!” he gently explained, playing with my hair. Now, if there are two things in this earth that are bound to wind me up above all else, it’s people playing with my hair, and a man telling me not to be jealous of other girls trying to pick him up when he’s meant to be with me. I growled angrily. He was taken aback.

“One, never play with my hair again, it does my head in. Two, how the hell else am I meant to react when I see other girls chatting up MY boyfriend? Three, I DON’T GET JEALOUS, JUST ANGRY!” I shouted, fuming. He backed away, not sure whether I was joking or not. I wasn’t.

“I di’n’t realise you was laik ‘is, ‘Ev. Ah fort you was a live an’ let live gel. I’m sorry for apsettin’ ya, nevah meant ta!” he quietly told me, holding me close to him and kissing my neck again. Now he knew it made me feel giddy he’d decided to do that at every available opportunity! I wriggled from him, grinning.

“How come I can’t stay mad with you?” I asked. He shook his head.

“Maybe it’s cos I’m so irrasistabuw!” he suggested. I laughed. “And ‘cos I’ve got gowjas ayes, and I’m a better kissah than Rog!” he finished.

“It’s probably all three reasons and more!” I agreed. “And I am usually a live and let live person, it’s just sometimes I have to protect what’s mine because I don’t want to lose it!”

“So I’m yows am I?” he asked. I raised my eyebrows.

“Not if you have any strong reasons against that,” I began. “’Cos I’ve always been yours, ever since I met you!”

“Naw, I never said ‘at! And you know I’m youws. We wouldn’t be getting on so famahsly if I wasn’t would we?!” he reasoned. I had to agree. I liked getting on famously with him, particularly when he decided on awarding me for shutting Roger up… I sighed again, and awoke from my daydream.

“Wot you finkin’ abaht?” he asked me. “Same as me? Our liddle awords ceremoany larst week?” I nodded, a bit embarrassed and a bit surprised.

“How did you know?” I asked. He shrugged.

“Cos I was finkin’ abaht ‘avin’ a repeat performance tanaight at the ‘otew,” he told me casually. I pretended he’d said something as flippant as, “Wouldja laik a cappa tea?” and put an expressionless face on.

“Yeah, okay. Sounds nice,” I agreed.

“Fort you’d say ‘at,” he told me, grinning. I couldn’t resist that smile. Or those eyes. Or HIM! He squeezed me tightly again and ran off to practise on his drums. I think my mum and dad heard him in Liverpool, about two hundred miles away! I never used to think that drummers did much, just sat at the back keeping the rhythm going. But listening to him, even I could tell he had a real, raw talent that I found hard to describe. And I know I wasn’t being biased!

As I stood there, listening to him in awe, Roger sidled up to me.

“’Ello, ‘Evvah,” he whispered. I almost jumped out of my skin.

“What do you want, Roger?” I asked, exasperated with him already.

“A kissin’ lesson,” he replied, nonchalantly. I turned to him and rolled my eyes.

“Look, Rog, you could have any girl on this earth you wanted. Go after one of them instead of the one who’s going out with one of your friends and who BLATANTLY HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU!” I told him, sternly. I said the last words as slowly and firmly as I possibly could. He smirked.

“I know you’re jast denaiyin’ yahw feelin’s fow me, ‘Ev. You’ll see, before the day’s aut, you’ll snog me,” he told me, oh so sure of himself. I felt physically ill, and made up my mind that no matter WHAT happened there was no way I would be anywhere where Keith or Pete weren’t (John was still pining for Boris so he was neither use nor ornament). I didn’t trust Roger as far as I could throw him and if there was one thing I knew I wouldn’t do, no matter if I was single or not, it was snog him. I never get THAT desperate!

“Bugger off, Rog!” I sighed, and walked away from him.

When Keith came back, I cuddled him. He could tell something was on my mind and asked me to tell him. I knew he had a bit of a short temper and I wasn’t sure what to tell him. I decided that the best thing to do was to just tell him the truth but beg him not to do anything stupid.

“Roger tried to come onto me,” I told him simply. His face turned stony-grey. “I got rid of him, told him I wasn’t in the least interested in him, but he said that before the day was out, I’d snog him. I felt really sick!” I continued.

“RAIGHT! ‘At’s it. I’ve ‘ad enaf of ‘im makin’ moves on every gel I’ve ever bin aut wiv. Enaf is enaf, I’m gonna kill ‘im!” he snarled, really angry. I kept a tight hold of him.

“No, listen, Moonie, don’t do anything daft. I just couldn’t lie to you, that’s why I told you. Keep the peace. Make love, not war, y’know?” I told him, giving the master of the eyes my best shot at puppy dog gazing. I mustn’t have done too badly because he relented, shaking his head.

“Why can’t I risisst you, ‘Ev?” he asked.

“Could it be the mention of making love, not war?” I inquired.

“Possibly…”

“I know what I’d rather do!”

“Me too.”

“Tonight it is then.”

“Yeah, taniaght.”

We paused. Then Pete came up to us, looking at Keith and pointing to his watch.

“Cam on, you! Taim ta go on staige! I knaw ‘Evvah’s very chahmin an’ evryfink, bat there’s a set o’ drams I’d laik ta intraduce ya to!” he insisted, pulling Keith off me.

“We’ve awready met!” he protested, holding my hand as long as possible before we were just too far away to hold on anymore. “See ya arfta, babe!” he called over his shoulder.

“Yeah, see ya, love you!” I replied. We both stood still, like we’d been shot or something. He turned to me.

“WOT did you saiy?” he asked, shocked.

“Er, er… oh, er… I think I told you I love you. Sorry, it just felt, I don’t know, right,” I hastily replied, not sure what to expect.

“We’w tawk abaht ‘is arfta, okay? No taim naw, jast ‘ang on an auhr and an ‘arf. Be back soon,” he told me, winking.

He disappeared from view, and I wondered what would happen. I tried to be patient, but it was very difficult. At least I got to stand backstage and watch the gig. Bonus!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had attended the best concert ever! I was backstage being treated like royalty by the backstage crew, getting me chocolate and drinks all night. I was screaming and dancing away behind the curtain, and best of all, I was being eyed up by the drummer!

When the concert finally finished, they rushed off the stage and the first thing Keith said to anyone was, “Gawd, samone get me a drink!” Everyone laughed, and a brandy was passed to him. He gulped it down like it was lemonade and turned to me.

“’Ow easily do you get drank again?” he asked.

“Very,” I replied. He chuckled and proceeded to give me a huge big kiss. I’d really hated that hour and a half we’d been apart! I opened my eyes and gazed at him.

“Feelin’ a bit tipsy?” he asked, eagerly. I nodded. He laughed lots and slipped his arm around me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist, giving him a little squeeze as I did so.

We hung around backstage chatting for about an hour, then The Who had to do some interviews and have their photos taken. Then the moment I’d been dreading. We had to get out again, and I had to be his cousin for another ten minutes! Good job I’d practised my cockney accent because the girl I wanted to hit stopped to talk to me before I could get on the bus.

“Eh, you norr Ah dorn’t think Keith ‘as a cousun,” she said in a strong Yorkshire accent. I panicked.

“Ah, I’m afraid ‘e das, ya knaw, babe!” I told her. She shook her head.

“Look, luv, Ah’ve been a ‘Oo fan for a loooong tahm nah, and I think Ah’d norr if ‘e ‘ad a cousin called ‘Eathur,” she insisted.

“Wew, I sappose ‘ere are jast sam fings ‘e dasn’t ahways tawk abaht in interviews an’ staff,” I tried to reason.

“And can Ah alsor saaaaay,” she began. I nodded for her to continue. “Evun Ah can do a beddur cockney accunt than that!” I blushed. Keith came up to me and grabbed me by the hand.

“Cam on ‘Ev! Taim ta gow awm! I’ll give ya mum a ring when we get there. Not tawked to Arntie Lil for donkey’s years!” he shouted loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Aw raight, lav, cammin’!” I answered, vowing to improve my accent if it killed me!

We got into the tour bus and sat down, me on his lap. There was hoards of space, I just preferred to sit there, and he didn’t seem to mind. He burst out into fits of uncontrollable laughter as soon as we sat down.

“What?” I asked, nervously. He stopped laughing for a minute and opened his mouth to explain but I had just seen the girl I wanted to hit as we drove past and so I gave him a quick snog for all to see. Well, I don’t like giving v-signs in public, so that was as close as I got!

“Wot was that for?” asked Roger. I stared at him.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I got fed up of pretending that Moonie and I weren’t together so I wanted to show everyone we were!” I replied. Pete and John nodded in agreement.

“See where you’re cammin from babe. Bat down’t gow ovahbowd next taim, the fansuw cam dahn on ya laika tan a bricks!” Pete advised me. I nodded my understanding. John spoke up.

“Yeah, and besides, you’re ownly maikin’ Rog jellas!” I scowled.

“I don’t care WHAT I make Roger,” I retorted, coldly. Keith growled as quietly as he could. He still hated Roger for making a pass at me. “Anyway, hun, what were you laughing at?” I asked him.

“Wew, yahw accent for a start! Where’dja pick ‘at ap? And awso, you looked so sweet wen you was getting a grillin from ‘at gel you don’t laik!” he answered, still tee hee-ing.

“How else could I pretend I was your cousin?” I asked. “And I’ve been listening to youse all babbling on for the past week and a half! I kinda just did my best really. Didn’t work, did it?” He shook his head.

“Ah, wew, at least ya tried!” he reasoned. I wriggled off his knee so I was just sat next to him, then I snuggled into him, rested my head on his chest and shut my eyes. Sleep was beckoning me, and I had to go, I was exhausted!

I was awoken by Pete some time later. We were still in the tour bus, but we had stopped and were getting out to stay in our hotel. Before I got off, he stopped me.

“Be carefuw of Rog, ‘Ev,” he warned me. “When ‘e gets put dahn by a gel, ‘e gets very narsty, don’t get in ‘is way. Stick wiv Keef, ‘e’ll look arfta ya!” I was grateful for Pete’s interest in me, and kissed him on the cheek as a thank you. He smiled.

“Wow. An impromptu kiss! Never ‘ad one o’ them befow!” he murmured as he got off the bus, with me behind him. Roger glared at me when he saw me, and I just hurried over to Keith.

“I’m a bit scared of Rog, Moonie,” I began, “will you look after me?”

“Laik ya even needed to arsk me ‘at!” he answered, grinning at me. I promised you when I fahst metcha ‘at I would protect ya, and I intend stickin’ to ‘at promise, okay?” I felt loads better after that.

We checked into the hotel. It was a massive big thing, marble staircases, big pot plants everywhere, the works. It was gorgeous, beautiful, magnificent. I knew I’d enjoy it here!

Moonie had just finished telling me a very rude but very funny joke as we found our way into our room which was quite a way away from the others. I burst out laughing, and fell into our room, with him close behind me. We ended up in a crumpled heap on the floor just inside the room, laughing till the tears tripped us!

Finally I got up enough energy to stand up and lock the door. I laughed evilly.

“Ha ha!!! Alone at last! Now I have you where I want you!!!” I told him, smiling so much I thought my face would crack.

“Oh yeah?” he queried, sidling up to me and wrapping his arms around me. “An’ where exackly would ‘at be then?” I smiled gently and sat us both down on our bed.

“Here,” I whispered, and kissed him, knowing there would be no interruptions. He kissed me back and then started kissing my neck.

“Why was it you don’t laik me doin’ ‘at?” he asked.

“Oh, but I do! Too much,” I breathed. He sniggered and lay me down gently on my back. And that is where I will leave it until tomorrow morning!

On to Part Two