No one knows how bad it feels
When a rabbit wizzes on your heels

Or when an elephant takes a dump
On your head... so many lumps!
It also tastes kind of obscene
If you think you know what I mean

I also don't like it when a bird
Feels like letting out a turd
And it falls right on your head
At that moment, you want it dead!
Damn you seagulls! All to Hades!!
This isn't supposed to happen to ladies

If you step in puppy shit
You want to go and kick it
"LITTLE FUCKER! KEEP IT IN!"
It's not easy for Rin-Tin-Tin

Little kitties have to puke
Everywhere inside your shoes
And you go to slip them on
But instead you Ralph Lauren
"This doesn't look like kitty food!"
Don't analyze it, that's really rude

If you've never seen snake crap
Good for you! Bastard... *SLAP*
It's really disgusting if you ask me
Looks like white-grey lumpy pee

Piss and shit and puking critters
Really, really give me the jitters
I think they should all use toilets
Cause without potties, it's quite annoying!