Title: Practice Makes Perfect - Version A
Author: Mare ( MareZX@aol.com )
Category: VRH
Rating: R
Keywords: Mulder/Scully relationship
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Not mine. Property of Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen, etc., etc. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Sex can't *always* be rockets and roman candles for Mulder and Scully... can it?

Author's note: Mare, writing shipper fic? ::Gasp!:: The apocalypse must be upon us! <g> Fear not; this is an MSR of a different ilk. Let's just call it shipper fic from the twisted mind of an evil Noromo... It's not my fault. Really. Blame a strange EMXC chat for this one.

Oh, yeah, I'm usually a much better writer than this, but... well... stuff happens <g>

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT - VERSION A
by Mare
6/29/98 - 6/30/98

"God, Scully, I've waited... five years... for this..."

"I know, I can't believe we waited this -- ohhh, Mulder --"

"That wasn't me. I think it was the doorknob."

"Was it? Oh, um..."

"THAT was me. C'mere, G-woman."

"I -- OWWW! Dammit, Mulder, just because we waited five years doesn't mean you can just slam me against the wall!"

"Heat of passion, Scully... I need you right now..."

"We waited this long; I think we can wait long enough to get comfortable."

"Here, we can start right now... you're overdressed --"

"Hey, that was my favorite shirt!"

"Sorry, Scully. Don't tell me you never had a guy do this before?"

"Sure, but at least the other one had some respect for my clothes. Oh, well, I needed some new polishing cloths anyway."

"You're thinking about cleaning at a time like this?"

"I'm sorry, Mulder. Really. Here, let me make it up to you --"

"`S okay, really, I -- oooh, remind me to tear your clothes off more often --"

"There's more where that came from, Spooky. Follow me."

"Anywhere, G-woman."

"Wait, stop right there."

"I thought you wanted comfortable...?"

"Who needs a bed for that? We can be comfortable right here on the sofa. In fact... let's start getting a little more comfortable right now..."

"A black lace thong, Scully? I'm shocked."

"Why? It was red in your fantasies, wasn't it?"

"Um... no comment..."

"I have fantasies too, Mulder. Wicked, wicked fantasies. Let me tell you about one of them..."

"No, let me demonstrate one of mine. It starts with my hands here, just... like... this."

"Just like... ohh, perfect, Mulder, perfect, right there -- Come here. Now."

"Jeez, Scully, if I knew you could kiss like that --"

"Shut up and kiss me again."

"I've got a better idea. Gotta get rid of this black thing... you looked better in red anyway."

"Thanks a lot, Mulder. I -- Ohhhhhh, that's it, right there, do that again... oh my God, Mulder, don't stop... I need you, right NOW... ohh -- Oh. Ow! What are you *doing*?"

"You don't like?"

"No, I... just never felt anything quite like *that* before..."

"Was it good for you?"

"Well... uh... can you get back to more, um... conventional things? That was really kind of weird."

"But did it work?"

"Um..."

"Never mind, let's try this instead..."

"Ooh, that's more like it, perfect, just like that, yesyesyes make me come, Mul-- WAIT! Don't stooooooop!"

"Have to, Scully... need... whew, *knew* there were some in that pocket."

"So... hurry up!"

"Um... Scully..."

"Mulder, I need you noooowwww...."

"Scully... can you open this?"

"Oh, for -- Give me that! Haven't you learned how to open a condom wrapper *yet*?"

"Hey, it's not my fault! It's not like they perforate them or anything --"

"Look at this, Mulder. What does it say? `Tear here.' So you just... hmm... Mulder?"

"Here, let me try. Damn, what do they seal these things with, super glue?"

"I think I have scissors here somewhere..."

"Never mind -- GOT IT!"

"Oh, good. Here, let me --"

"Got it covered, Scully. You get the next one, okay?"

"Mulder, hurry up... I want you right nooowww..."

"No, Scully... don't do tha-- aahhhh -- aw, hell."

"Mulder, no. You didn't."

"Sorry, Scully. It's been a while since I've had, er... live stimulation..."

"Great. Just *great*. NOW what am I supposed to do?"

"Just chill for a while. It'll happen. Just... a little later."

"Hmm... don't suppose I could, um... help you get back in the mood? Let's just get rid of this thing first. Took us longer to open it than to use it, huh?"

"That's okay, you don't have to... I've got it, Scully..."

"I just want to help --"

"I told you I *have* it... um... uh-oh."

"Mulder!"

"It slipped out of my hand!"

"You could've tied a knot in it!"

"I never got a chance!"

"Now who's going to clean my sofa, hmm?"

"Is that all you can worry about at a time like this?"

"Oh, never mind. Dump that thing and get over here. This all started out so well, I'd like for *something* to go right tonight."

"So... what'd you have in mind?"

"Nothing much. Just getting you, um... reaccustomed to live stimulation..."

"Oh, um... ooooh, that's good, Scully... yeah, I could get accustomed to that..."

"Glad you like it. Hmm... let's try something else..."

"Scully... um, it's not a popsicle..."

"What?"

"Nothing personal; that just doesn't do anything for me."

"Picky, aren't we? Do you want to get to the main event or not?"

"Of course I do! Just... go back to what you were doing before, okay? The way you kiss, you oughta have no problem with -- ohhhhh, yeah, just like that, perfect, you got it, don't stop..."

"Um... Mulder? Just let me know when you're ready, okay?"

"Scully... Scully... Sculleeee... STOP! I'm ready!"

"You are? But --"

"Trust me, I'm ready. That's as big as it gets."

"Oh, um..."

"Problem?"

"No, it's just that... W-- um... my last partner was, um... Oh, well, they say size doesn't matter anyway."

"Shut up and lie back, okay?"

"Sure you don't need help with that wrapper this time?"

"Nope, got it on the first try. Just think, five years of fantasies all come down to this one moment..."

"Um... Mulder? Anytime now."

"Whaddya mean, anytime now? Don't you feel --"

"Oh! Oh, you're in? How come -- Ahhh, that's it, now I feel it! Oooh, that's interesting... do that again?"

"Scully, there's not a whole lotta variations on this theme, y'know... Oooh, keep doing that... you squeeze like a python, G-woman..."

"More, Mulder, faster, harder --"

"You want *more*?"

"Mulderrrr... help me out here!"

"Can't... give you much... ohhh... oh my God... Sculleeeee..."

"Not yet!!"

"Ahhhh. Perfect. Better than any fantasy. How `bout you?"

"Mulderrrr... I'm not finished!"

"You're not -- Want me to try that thing again? That should work now."

"Never mind. I'm not going to come."

"It'll only take a minute --"

"Never mind. It's too late. It won't work."

"But Scully --"

"It's okay, Mulder. Let's just call this... an experiment that failed. You go back to your videos, I'll go back to Walter --"

"WHO??"

"Walter."

"Walter SKINNER??"

"Yes, Mulder, Walter Skinner. Our boss. You see... no offense intended, of course, but... HE can make me come just by touching me. HE doesn't finish before he starts. And HE knows how to open a condom wrapper!"

"But Scully --"

"And he can dispose of one without SPILLING it, too. Get the picture, Mulder?"

"But Scully --"

"It's okay, Mulder. No hard feelings, really. Your clothes are over there -- could you put them on, please?"

"But Scully --"

"I told you, Mulder, it's *okay*. We never have to say another word about it. See you at work on Monday?"

"But Scully --"

"Mulder, if it makes you feel any better, it wasn't really your fault. I don't blame you. Really. It's just that..."

"But Scully --"

"It just wasn't good for me, okay?"

"But Scully--"

"Yes, Mulder?"

"There's something I think you should know."

"Yes, Mulder?"

"The second condom..."

"Yes, Mulder?"

"It broke."

--Fin--

Okay, yeah, I know, it sucks <g> But it makes me giggle, and that's what counts :-)
Comments, etc. to MareZX@aol.com .

Return to the Completed Works page
Return to the Main page