Alex sat back down on the sofa and I curled up at his feet.
“What kind of name is Alexander James?” I asked the night.
“It means great heavenly protector,” he answered with a bitter laugh.
“And you don’t think it fits?”
“Not near as good as Jack Daniels.”
“Because you didn’t protect Riley,” I supplied, saying what I knew he was thinking.
“I let her die, Greer. I just accepted it,” he said, his voice sad and quiet. “Who made you God, Alex?” I asked, drifting into a sleep I hadn’t realized I was fighting.
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Is that her?”
“She’s the one that did this?”
“Maybe she’s a one nighter.”
“Curled up at his feet?”
The whispered voices drew me from my sleep. I listened with my eyes closed as I tried to place myself. I was on the floor curled up against Alex’s legs and I felt his hand in my hair.
Slowly I opened my eyes and focused on the four men in the doorway.
“Wow,” the short dark-haired one with the ponytail whispered.
“That about sums it up, D,” the short blonde added.
I attempted to ease away from Alex but he tightened his grip in my hair. I reached up and took his hand in mine and gently eased away. He held my hand for dear life it felt like and I squeezed gently to reassure him in sleep. His grip lessened just slightly.
Then I smiled up at the four strangers in the doorway who stood watching us.
“You must be Alex’s friends,” I said, my eyes moving from one handsome face to the next.
“Greer?” the tall blonde asked tentatively.
“Nick?” I guessed. He smiled suddenly and nodded before quickly introducing the other three men.
“Is he all right?” Kevin asked.
“For the moment. He has peace in the illusions of his dreams,” I answered.
I eased my hand from Alex’s and ushered his friends into the kitchen.
“So what do we do?” Brian asked, looking at me.
“Why are you asking me?” I questioned in return.
“Well you called us. We figured you knew what we should do to help him,” Howie explained.
“We assumed you could help us get him back,” Nick added.
“I can help him let go if he lets me. I can’t get him back for you though. I don’t know who he was before Riley died. I have to tell you though. The chances of you ever getting that man completely back are slim to none. He’ll heal, but he’ll always be healing. Like the four of you. You are moving on but you will never be the people, the men you were before this woman,” I explained.
In silence, they exchanged looks I couldn’t begin to define. Then slowly, they turned their attention back to me.
“We will never be the men we were before her, Greer, but not because we lost her,” Kevin said.
“But because we have her,” Nick finished.
“Riley didn’t die young,” Brian added, a slow smile starting at his mouth and spreading to his blue eyes.
“She’ll live forever,” Howie finished.
I watched in stunned silence as these four men whose friend was suffering so much had discovered a precious gift in life in loving the same woman. What made them so different then the man who slept in the other room?
“He’s regretting something. That’s where his pain and his fear are coming from,” I told them.
“What though?” Howie asked.
“He was in love with her,” Nick answered.
The collective gasps signified the other three had never suspected. Alex must have loved her a great deal to keep hidden emotions that could have tested their friendship.
“But she was Nick’s wife,” Kevin argued.
“Which is why none of us ever knew,” Brian explained, suddenly understanding.
“She loved you so much, Nick. And I loved her enough to not come between you.”
I turned to see Alex’s sleepy eyes watching us from the doorway. I watched and waited, wondering what his reaction would be to us talking about him.
“A.J., man,” Brian stared, but Alex held his hand up to silence him.
“I don’t know what the five of you want from me but I don’t think I’m capable of giving it anymore,” Alex said.
“And I think you are, but you have to let go of some things and grab hold of some others,” I argued.
“We miss you, A.J. Please just try,” Howie pleaded.
He stood silent, looking at the faces of the people who loved him. Slowly, he sank to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest.
“She’s in my dreams,” he began. “Alive and beautiful and reaching out to me. The same way she always did. But when I try to touch her she turns away. She’s walking so slowly, never looking back. I’m running as hard as I can, screaming for her, begging her not to leave me. Most nights I wake up still screaming for her. Other nights the dream just fades out and I feel her in my arms,” he confessed, tears rolling down his face.
“What changes?” Brian asked.
“He holds on to me,” I answered, kneeling beside the man who was consuming my life.
“You can’t catch her because you never told her you loved her,” Nick spoke up.
I looked up at the tall blonde and waited.
“You can’t catch her but you can’t let her go because you never told her you were in love with her. You’re regretting that and that’s why you can’t move on,” he explained.
I watched in quiet understanding as Nick knelt beside his life long friend.
“How could I tell her, Nick? She was you wife. You were her world,” Alex said, crying still. “You loved her.
“We loved her, A.J. All of us,” Nick corrected. “We were her magic, her strength. We were what kept her living. We are what keep her alive. For ourselves, for Riley, for Star and Gabriel.”
“I wanted her to love me though,” Alex screamed.
“She did,” Howie answered.
“She loved me, D, but I wanted her to be in love with me. I wanted her to reach for me in the end,” Alex continued to yell.
“You know what I regret, A.J. I regret not keeping my wife’s last request.”
Surprised by his friend’s chosen words, Alex sat in silence staring at him.
“What was it?” I asked, hoping his next words would heal some of Alex’s pain.
“The last thing Riley ever asked me to do was take care of you. She knew you were going to have a hard time dealing with her death. She was worried about you. I let her down though. All she asked was for me to take care of you and I let her down, I lied to her when I promised her I would,” Nick confessed.
“How could she have known I would hurt this much?” Alex asked softly.
“Because she knew you loved her that much, A.J. You never said the words, but Riley knew. That was her magic. She knew all those things we never said or imagined. She knew.”
“She know,” I corrected, taking Alex’s hand in mine. “She knows and she always will. She’s not gone, Alex. Her body is but her spirit and her love are forever.”
“I want her body back though,” he said, his tears coming once again. “I missed her smile and her laughter and her eyes.”
“Star has her mother’s eyes and Gabriel has her smile,” Brian spoke up.
Alex stared in silence as his friend’s words sunk in.
“A.J., tomorrow is Leighanne’s birthday. I’m throwing her a huge party. Everyone is going go be there. Please come,” Brian begged.
“We’ll see,” Alex quietly answered.
“Please.”
“I’ll try, Rok. I’ll try. That’s all I can promise.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” Brian said, a smile touching his lips.
“Can you guys give me some time alone?” Alex asked, his beautiful brown eyes swollen and red.
“I’ll walk out with you,” I said, starting to stand. Alex’s grip on my hand tightened.
“Stay please,” he whispered.
“All right, but let me walk them to the door. I’ll be right back,” I promised.
He nodded and slowly released my hand. I walked his four friends to the door.
“Who are you?” Kevin asked, looking down at me with amazement in his green eyes.
“I’m just a waitress in a bar he walked into, Kevin.” I smiled gently at him. “Just a waitress with the scars of a broken heart.”
“He sees hope in you,” Nick said.
“I hope so. I can’t walk away from him till I know he’s all right. He won’t let me,” I answered.
I closed the door behind them and made my way back to the kitchen. Alex still sat curled on the floor.
“Alex, it’s almost six o’clock. Let’s get you to bed before I go home,” I said, holding my hand out to him.
With my help, he rose to his feet and looked into my green eyes.
“Don’t leave me, Greer. I don’t know what to do when you aren’t here. There’s a bed upstairs you can have. A whole room if you just promise not to leave me,” he begged.
I gently touched his face and smiled softly at his offer.
“Part of you healing, Alex, is learning to lived without a crutch. That includes me and the Jack Daniels. I will always be your friend and I will always be here when you need me. I have a home though and I can’t just ignore it till you don’t need me anymore,” I answered him.
“What about my nightmares? I can’t sleep without you, Greer,” he argued.
“No, Alex. You can’t sleep without Riley. My body is just a physical replacement for the woman you reach for in your dreams.”
In silence, I took his hand and walked him upstairs. I laid him down and tucked him in as if he were a little child.
“When she appears tonight, Alex, ask her if she knows. Her answer will ease your dreams,” I promised.
I kissed his forehead and stood to leave. At the door he stopped me.
“Greer,” he called out. I turned to him. “Do you believe in second chances in life?” he asked.
“I believe you get all the chances you need in life until you get it right. You’re getting another chance, Alex. Will you get it right this time?”
And with those words I left his room and his house.
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