I felt the emotion begin and immediately shut it out of my heart. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. It wasn’t his fault.
Gently, I pulled free of Alex’s arms.
“Greer,” he began. I looked down at him, at the expression on his face, the emotions in his eyes and I smiled gently.
“Shh, Alex. Don’t worry about it,” I soothed, holding my hand out to him.
He took it and pulled himself up. He looked at me in silence and still I only smiled at him.
“How do you feel?” I asked, ignoring the look he gave me.
“I’m not sure yet. Before or after what just happened?” he countered.
“Before. Let’s just forget that last part for now,” I answered, holding his hand.
“Better than I have in a long time. I think I’m finally starting to understand it all. Because of you,” he added.
I squeezed his hand gently and looked down at the gravestone at our feet.
“No you need to learn to deal with the silence,” I said, bringing my eyes back up to his.
“I’m not ready for that,” he argued, shaking his head sadly.
“Yes, you are, Alex. That’s your next step. It’s time to deal.”
With his hand in mine, we made our way back to the street and hailed another cab. On the ride home we both remained silent, but his grip on my hand never lessened. If anything it was stronger than ever.
As the cab stopped outside of my house we climbed out. On my doorstep he looked up at me with those eyes that haunted me.
“Please don’t leave me right now,” he begged, his voice filled with unshed tears and with a fear words could not describe.
“I’m not leaving you, Alex. I’ll never leave you,” I promised, touching his face gently. “Go home, get some sleep. I’ll see you tonight. I promise.”
“I’m scared, Greer,” he said still holding my hand.
“Good. That means you’re feeling an emotion other than pain and anger. Go home, Alex.”
Gently I kissed his cheek, gave his hand a final squeeze, and left him on the steps as I went into my apartment. As I closed the doors I felt my original emotion from earlier sweeping back of me. That feeling at hearing Alex call Riley’s name when he kissed me.
“What have I done?” I moaned, sinking to the floor as I leaned against the door. “I’ve gone and fallen in love with the son of a bitch,” I mumbled.
Why would I do that to myself? Why would I hurt myself so much knowing his heart still belonged to a dead woman? Was there something in me that asked to be hurt?
I closed my eyes against reality and let the memory of Alex’s lips wash over me.
“Glutton for punishment,” I whispered, standing up finally.
Freeing my hair, I headed for the shower. It was back to work that night.
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
This time when I walked into the bar the flowers were already waiting for me.
“For you,” Frankie said, pushing for vase toward me as I approached the bar. “The guy brought them in about five minutes ago.”
I smiled at the array of wildflowers as I pulled free the tiny card. Slowly I opened it and my eyes engulfed the words.
I slipped the card back into the flowers and moved them behind the bar.
“Well,” Frankie urged.
“Well what?” I asked, looking up at him.
“Are you ever going to tell me who is sending you all these flowers?” he demanded with a goofy grin.
“Probably not,” I teased him, smiling.
“Brat,” he mumbled. “So how was your day off?”
“Wonderful. I spent the whole day with Kane as usual. He said I should be looking for a dress because as soon as he’s six we’re getting married,” I said, laughing as I tied my apron on.
“When’s his sixth birthday?” Frankie asked, smiling.
“Next month,” I laughed as the first customer came in.
“Better put a move on then, Busy. Can’t make the boy wait,” Frankie teased.
At eight o’clock that night I didn’t even bother to look up when I heard the door open. I knew without looking that it was Alex.
“Can I talk to you?”
I jumped at the sound of his voice right behind me. Turning slightly, my green eyes met his and the emotion in them scared me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“Just give me a few minutes please?” he begged, touching my hand.
“Frankie, I’ll be back in ten,” I yelled over the music to my friend as I pulled Alex back into the storeroom. “Are you all right?” I asked him.
“I got home this morning and my answering machine was blinking like crazy. Brian, Leighanne, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Kristen. They all called worried to death about me when I didn’t show up at Leighanne’s party. They were terrified, Greer,” he said, sitting down on the tiny cot he had once slept on.
“Is that what’s bothering you?” I asked quietly, kneeling in front of him.
“I never even told them I would come for sure, but they honestly thought I would. I really scared them by not showing up,” he continued, staring off, lost in the thoughts he was voicing to me.
“And their fear hurt you, didn’t it?” I continued.
“Yes. It hurts because I hurt them. I never wanted to do that. I guess I never understand how my withdrawal from them was really affecting their lives,” he admitted.
“They love you, Alex. Watching you hurt so much hurts them too. And watching you pull away breaks their hearts as well. They lost Riley. They don’t want to lose you too,” I tried to explain.
“I kissed you this morning,” he said, suddenly changing the subject as he looked down at me.
This time it was my turn to look away as I answered. “Yes, you did.”
“Are you angry with me?”
“No, Alex.”
“But you are upset,” he clarified.
“Because you kissed me as you imagined Riley. You took a step forward, but you let her pull you back,” I answered.
“Is that all it was? Was it just because you think I still can’t let go of her? Or was it something else?”
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