I don’t know how long I was in there with Kane. We never spoke again. I simply held him in my arms and he held on to me with the little bit of strength he could. He refuse to even let me move to the chair next to the bed, afraid that I would leave him alone and scared once again. When he fell asleep I covered him up and slipped out of the room. My poor baby. My mind reeled with the thoughts of the day. My head was swimming and as I stood outside of his room it hit me all at once. I felt my knees give out on me, but before I could do anything else everything when black.
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Greer? Wake up, Greer.”
The voice forced me out of my darkness and I opened my eyes in an attempt to place myself. My eyes shifted and moved, taking in my bright white surrounds.
“What happened?” I whispered, trying to sit up.
“Be still,” Alex ordered, holding me down. I realized my head was in his lap and I was lying on the sofa in the waiting room.
“What happened?” I repeated.
“You past out. The doc said it was stress. Rough couple of days,” he answered, his hand getting lost in my hair as he soothed me.
I turned and buried my face against his stomach as the emotions swept across me once again. I felt the tears in my eyes and made no attempt to stop them this time. For once Alex was going to hold me while I cried.
“Shh, spider web. He’s going to be all right,” Alex soothed as he held me.
I cried for a while, releasing emotions I had kept locked in for too long. As my tears faded I just lay in his arms holding on to him.
“He’s going to be all right, Greer,” he repeated, touching my shoulder gently.
“I know he will, Alex, but he’s so hurt. Physically, emotionally. And I can’t do anything about it,” I answered, finally sitting up.
“You can exactly what you always do. Hold him, love him, let him know that no matter what you’ll always be there for him.”
I looked up into his eyes wondering if there were more to his words then just the boy down the hall. Was he talking about himself as well? Why couldn’t things be just a little simpler for us?
Looking away, I thought of Kane again. “My little boy,” I whispered to myself.
“What?” Alex asked.
“My little boy. He’s the baby I never had. He taught me how to fall in love again, how to believe, how to laugh at a time in my life when I didn’t think I could ever laugh again. The thought of losing him,” I said, trailing off unable to finish the sentence because of the twisting in my stomach.
“Greer, he’s gonna be all right.”
“I know he’s going to be all right,” I screamed, standing up. “I know he’s going to heal and be fine. I know that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m scared of losing him. It doesn’t change the fact that he’s the little boy I wanted to bring into the world with Quin. He’s the son I’m never going to have,” I cried.
I turned away from Alex and tried to regain control of myself. I was losing control too much too often when it came to that man. I took yet another deep breath and turned to face him once again.
“You need to go now, Alex,” I said, my voice stronger than I felt.
“Greer,” he began, standing up.
“Alex, I can’t do this with you again. Especially now and especially here. You have too many things to figure out without me right now. As long as I’m there to pick you up you’re going to keep falling. It’s time for you to walk on your own a few steps, Alex. Right now that little boy needs all of my help and all my attention and he can’t have it if I have to stop and pick you up,” I said, standing straighter and ignoring the pain in my heart. Why was it no matter how right something was, how much it needed to be done it still hurt like hell to make it happen?
I watched in silence as Alex merely nodded at my words before finally speaking again.
“Take care of him, Greer, and take care of yourself.” With a brief nod, he turned and walked out of the hospital.
“Take care of yourself too, Jack Daniels,” I whispered at his fleeing back. “The hardest part about loving you is walking away so you can simply learn to walk again.”
“Greer?”
I turned to see Sydney standing a few feet away and I gave my friend a weak smile. She walked towards me and gave me a comforting hug, a hug I greatly needed.
“You all right, honey?” she asked, pulling away.
“I’ll live, Syd. I always do,” I answered, wiping the spilling tears from my cheeks.
“A little more than a friend, your Alex?” she questioned as we sat down.
“No, not my Alex. He’s just a broken heart that’s trying to heal. He’s hard to heal when you don’t want to let go of the pain,” I said, shaking my head. She nodded in silent understanding.
“How’s our boy?” she asked, changing the subject.
“He’s sleeping finally. He was really shaken up. I can’t believe they didn’t let you need him. He was terrified,” I said, shaking my head sadly at the thought of the little redhead.
“He’s going to be all right the doctor said.”
“I know. He’s a strong boy. Did you call his case worker?” I asked, referring the person who was responsible for Kane’s life.
That sweet little boy with the light that lit up my life had no family to call his own. He was a ward of the state and living in Sydney’s school. I would have adopted him in a heartbeat the day I laid eyes on him, but the state didn’t look to highly on waitresses who made little money and lived in tiny apartments. He was better with Sydney anyway.
“Yeah, I handled it. Are you going to stay here or go home?” Sydney asked.
“Stay here. I don’t want him to wake up scared. Go back to the school. I’ll be fine,” I assured her.
With a quick hug, I watched her leave and headed back into Kane’s room. He still slept soundly as I curled up in the chair by his bed and let sleep take me over. A sleep filled with dreams of Alex.
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