Chris had a wonderful night. She spent it split between cuddling with Nick on a couch in the dark room, and burning it up dancing with all of the guys on the dance floor. "I definitely had too much to drink again though," she mumbled to herself as she made her way to the ladies room for what had to be the tenth time that night. Pushing open a stall door, her eyes opened wide as she caught the sight of a very male, very bare butt looking out at her.
"Oh, sorry," she closed the stall tight, thinking she must have had the wrong bathroom. She walked outside, checked the door.
No, right bathroom...she pushed open the door again, bumping Kevin in the head. "Kev?" she stared at him in astonishment. "What are you doing..." and then she saw Julia over by the stall pulling her skirt down. "Oh no..."
"Chris, it's not what it looks like," Julia grabbed her by the arms as Kevin fled the scene.
"No?" Chris resisted every impulse to smack Julia across the face. "First you're blowing AJ, now you're fucking Kevin? Julia, the man's MARRIED, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
"He's lonely, Chris, he needed someone. So did I." Julia said softly, looking into the mirror to fix her hair. "No harm done."
Chris just stared at her friend, shaking with anger. "I don't know you anymore." She walked out, slamming the bathroom door behind her. She started to walk back towards the group and stopped. One look at her and everyone would know something was wrong, and she couldn't just tell them what happened. Nick had taught her a long time ago how to ditch her security in an emergency, she guessed now was the time to try.
A short trip down a fire escape later, and Chris was on the street, alone for the first time on months. She walked down the street quietly, trying to stop the shaking that had started when she first saw Kevin in the bathroom. How could he....how could Julia....so unemotional, so cold. "He's lonely, my ass," she muttered.
"I'm lonely, baby" some guy called out to her as she walked by, and she waved in reply.
She continued on, not sure if she was going in the direction of the hotel, and not really caring either. She wasn't sure what had her the most upset. She was a romantic. She always said that, meant it to her depths. Sex like that, heartless, cruel...was just wrong. She'd had her share of one night stands in her life, who hadn't, but she'd tried them, not liked them, and moved on. Marriage was something she respected with all her heart and soul. Whenever she married one day, it would be forever. Her heart broke as she thought of Kristen, "oh Kevin, how could you." Not even married a full year.
"Hey." A man stood in front of her, blocking her way.
"Excuse me," she mumbled, turning to move past.
"I said hey." The man moved to block her.
"Hey?" She looked up at him, getting nervous. "Can I help you?" she asked his her best 'angry New Yorker's' voice.
That must have been whatever the man was looking for. He grabbed Chris and pulled her into an alley, hand over her mouth, back up against the wall. "Yeah, yeah you can." His voice was deep, gruff.
Chris tried to scream, but his hand was too tight over her face. She kicked her legs out, trying to remember everything she'd learned in the self-defense courses her mother had made her take. She lived in New York City for 10 years alone, please god don't let her get raped escaping her bodyguard in DC. The irony alone would kill her.
The man's hand made its way up her dress, roughly pulling on her nipple as she felt his tongue smush against her mouth. The taste of his saliva made her ill. "Relax and it won't hurt."
Chris wanted to laugh until she cried. Relax and it won't hurt?? She could feel his penis pushing up against her stomach through the fabric of her dress and increased her struggling tenfold. She had to get away...
She didn't see the fist coming until she was flat on her back, head ringing. A second punch brought the taste of blood to her mouth, a third left her numb.
"I told you if you relaxed it wasn't gonna hurt." He knelt between her legs and ripped her panties off, shoving her dress up around her waist. She took the opportunity to scream at the top of her lungs, a tortured cry for help.
The guy jumped up with a start, erect penis flopping in the air. He hurriedly shoved himself back into his pants and zipped up. "Fucking bitch," he kicked her. He looked down at her. "Gonna get up, bitch?"
She just lay there, terrified to move.
"Bitch." He kicked her again. And again. He coughed up and spit on her, kicked her one last final time, and left.
Chris lay with her head on the pavement, sobbing into the filth on the ground in the alley. She didn't know which was worse...the relief that the man didn't rape her, or the humiliation that she was stupid enough to let this happen. She slowly pushed herself up, ignoring the throbbing pain that fought her every move. She walked towards the curb and tried to hail a cab, but nobody would stop for her. She probably looked awful.
Chris walked slowly down the street, every step sending a painful shock through her body, carefully pulling her hair in front of her face. She saw a group of people run by with streamers and remembered that it was New Year's Eve. Happy fucking New Year, Chris. Tears built in her eyes again and she fought them down. All she had to do was get to the hotel. All would be fine at the hotel. One foot in front of another, she found the hotel by the screams and hoards of girls outside. She figured this time she was safely unrecognizable, and breezed right past the girls into the hotel. Into the elevator, a quick dash into her room while Elaine's back was turned, and she was safe.
She went immediately into the bathroom, turned on the shower and stepped in, fully dressed. Once the streaming water hit her head, the enormity of what had just occurred hit her. Her legs gave way and she found herself sitting on the floor of the shower, sobbing into her hands. She never felt so scared in her life. She grabbed the soap and scrubbed her skin, her hair, her back...where had the man spit on her? She ran the soap over her lips, her tongue. She wanted to make sure she covered every inch, that not a piece of him was still on her. She scrubbed until it hurt her skin to scrub anymore, and reluctantly left the shower, tears still making their way down her face.
She pulled on her PJ's and Mickey's, desperately needing their comfort, and crawled into bed, turning the tv on. She lay curled up in the fetal position under the covers, but she was freezing and couldn't stop shaking. Nothing seemed right. Kevin, AJ, Julia, this guy....that was sex, right? What was wrong with her... Every painful breath she took reminded her of what had happened, every bone in her body sore.
Every time she closed her eyes she saw the man, his purple penis poking at her, heard the soft sound of his spit hitting her body. Another heavy shudder went though her body, and her teeth chattered with the effort. She also couldn't stop staring at the door. It just didn't feel strong enough. Normally she didn't even lock her door, Elaine didn't like a locked door between them, and Nick had a tendency to slip in after she was asleep sometimes. But tonight every lock on the door was done, including the chain, and she still didn't feel safe.
Chris grabbed the phone and tried to call her best friend, needing to hear a comforting voice. No answer. With a cry she looked at the clock. 5am. New Year's Eve. Of course Lisa wasn't home. She'd be at an all-night party in New York...Chris ran through the list of people she knew and could talk to in her head. There were only 2 realistic possibilities. Julia and Nick.
Julia was out for obvious reasons. It physically hurt Chris to see her and Kevin together, and now? What this man did to her was as cold as what Julia and Kevin had been doing, and it disgusted her to think of her friend sinking so low.
Nick. She wanted to feel Nick's arms around her more than anything, hear him tell her she'd be alright. Nick always made her feel safe, protected, and she needed that so badly right now. Except for one big problem. The cameras were always on Nick, and she didn't think she could handle the world knowing about this. She already was having enough of a problem with the mere fact that the world now knew her name.
She turned off the light and left the TV on, hoping maybe the white noise would lull her to sleep. No use, every sound reminded her of something, every creak in the room sending another pang of terror through her heart. She didn't know when she'd started crying again, but she could distantly hear her own sobs, feel the tears falling on her cheek. It hurt to breathe, and she struggled to control her sobs. She flipped the light back on and stared at the TV, agonizing over her decision. Nick was right down the hall....he'd make everything alright again, he'd hold her, and tell her everything was ok....she could almost feel his arms around her.
But then everyone would know.
Chris sat up in bed, ignoring the pain the movement caused, asking herself one final question. Could she get through tonight without Nick?
No.
Fuck the cameras.
Before she could think about what she was doing, she tore out of her room and down the hall, blowing right past a very startled Elaine. She banged on the door to Nick's room, crying her eyes out.
The door opened and she fell into his arms, grabbing onto him for support.
"Chris?" His arms instinctively went around her. Like she was a child, he led her into his room and set her down on the bed, pulling her into his embrace. "Chris?"
She clung to the t-shirt on his chest and tried to regain some control of her emotions.
"Chrissy?" He was starting to get scared now, rubbing her back. He saw Elaine and Toby looking into the room and gestured to them to close the door. "What happened, baby? Where'd you disappear to tonight?" He'd been worried sick all night, not believing Julia's lame excuse that Chris had a stomach ache. She would have told him. It was their first date. He'd known something was wrong...he held her tight, trying to calm her shaking.
Still more sobs from Chris.
"Chrissy? God tell me what happened, please..." Nick begged, getting scared. He couldn't imagine what could have happened to make her act this way.
Her voice soft, a hysterical hiccup between each word, she managed to get out, "tried...to...rape...me..." before dissolving into tears again.
"Oh god, Chris," Nick turned her face to his, his blue eyes filling with tears when he saw what had happened to her. "Who did this to you..." he traced the bruises on her face.
She jerked in his arms, wincing a little when he tried to pull her closer.
"Where else did he hurt you?"
Chris lifted up her pajama top, showing him the bruises on her ribs. One of his feet had left a complete impression across her ribcage, "hurts to breathe," she mumbled. She started crying again as she held the shirt up. "I'm so dirty."
"No, Chris..." he rubbed her back. "I gotta take you to the hospital though."
"No." The first clear word he'd heard from her since she fell in the door.
"Chris, you're hurt, look at you, you need a doctor..."
Chris pushed away from him, her face in her hands. "No."
"Please, let me take you to the hospital..."
"I don't want anyone to know..."
Nick couldn't help but glance at the camera buried in his ceiling tiles. He would have promised her the moon at that point, his fear for her was so great. "Nobody will ever know. Let me just go get Brian."
Nick pulled away from her slightly, and Chris grabbed at him.
"Don't leave me, Nicky." She clung to him and would not let go.
"Never, baby." Nick put his arm around her and reached over for the telephone. "Get over here, B. NOW."
Brian was at the door to the room 30 seconds later. "What's up, Frack? It's the middle of the night..." his voice trailing off when he saw Chris on the bed with Nick. "What happened?"
"Some bastard tried to rape her and beat the shit out of her. We gotta take her to the hospital." Nick's voice sounded alien, sad and serious.
Tears pooled in Brian's eyes, the horror of Nick's words setting in, "oh Chrissy, I'm so sorry."
Chris didn't hear a word. She was still thinking about the spit. How vile it tasted, his tongue on her face. How if just one little molecule of it had gotten into her bloodstream, if she hadn't washed one little particle off, she would be dirty for life. Spit had all sorts of germs in it, you know. And she had heard him cough before he'd spit on her, so what if it was one of those nasty mucousy ones. Chris squirmed in Nick's arms, and with a start, threw up all over the bed. She burst into tears again, seeing what she'd done. "It's dirty..."
"Baby, don't worry about it," Nick didn't visibly react at all to the mess, just held her tight and continued to soothe her. "It's no big deal. Everything's going to be ok."
Brian had let Elaine know what had happened, and she signaled that a car was ready downstairs to take Chris to the hospital. "Let's go."
"We're going for a little trip now, ok Chrissy?" Nick was whispering softly to her as carefully gathered her battered body in his arms. As he picked her up, she groaned in pain. He carried her, his face close to hers, like a mother comforting a child. "Just to the hospital, then we'll come right back here. Quick little trip."
Chris shuddered in his arms and gasped, "Nicky, it hurts..."
"I'm sorry baby, I have to do this..." a tear ran down his face and he tried to walk faster.
Chris was faintly aware that she was being carried, and she knew she hurt all over, but nothing more than that. The constant pain had given her something to focus on, and a calm silence had come over her. She was still shaking, and her nails were dug deep into Nick's back, but her sobs had calmed, and she was silent for the trip to the hospital.
Elaine, ever the savior, had called ahead to the hospital and explained the situation. They were ushered into a private room when they arrived, and a female doctor joined them almost immediately.
By this point, Chris was no longer talking. The doctor gently tried to ask her about what happened, but she would just bury her head even further into Nick's chest, tears streaming down her face. The doctor let Nick stay while she examined Chris, and he held her hand as the doctor did her job. X-rays and some shots later, Chris was sound asleep.
It took some convincing, but the doctor finally got Nick to leave Chris' side long enough to go to the hallway to talk to her.
"Please, tell me she's ok." Nick looked terrible, his eyes bloodshot, clothes ragged. "I love her," his eyes found Brian in the chairs outside the room.
Brian got up to hug Nick tight, "I know you do, Frack." He kept his arm around Nick's waist to hold him up while they talked to the doctor, the younger man's anguish dragging his body down.
The doctor looked solemnly at the two of them. "We're going to need to keep Chris overnight for observation, she was deeply in shock when you brought her in, but she'll be fine in the long run. She has a couple of broken ribs that will need some healing, a slight concussion, and those bruises on her face are going to look pretty ugly for a while, but she'll be fine. She was very lucky."
"Luck?" Nick glared at the doctor. "What kind of luck gets a woman beaten up and raped on New Year's Eve?"
"She wasn't raped, that's the lucky part." The doctor said softly. "Trust me, it gets worse than this. Just be there for her, she'll be ok."
"I will always be there for her." Nick muttered, still angry. "Can I go back in?"
The doctor nodded. "Your friends are a sweet couple, he seems to love her very much," she remarked to Brian. She gestured towards Nick, who had returned to his spot at Chris' bedside, her hands held tight in his, his head on her stomach.
He smiled wryly. "Yeah, he does."
A Day in the Life Of... (Day 108) Washington, DC
And now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
You'll be strong tomorrow... *
Nick spent the night at the hospital, holding Chris' hand. She'd woken up once during the night, crying out for help, and he had held her until she fell asleep again.
Chris woke up with a start, unsure of where she was. "Nick?" His head was still on her stomach where he'd fallen asleep the night before. She ran her fingers through his hair, tears in her eyes as she recalled the night's events. "Thank you so much for being there," she whispered softly.
"Morning." Her movements must have woken him up. "How are you?" He sat up and looked at her, eyes wide.
"Been better." She said quietly.
"I'm so sorry," he started.
"Nick," Chris grabbed his hand and held it tight. If he started being all sweet to her, she was going to start crying again, and she'd done enough of that to last a lifetime. "Can we get out of here?"
"Are you sure you're ok?"
Chris wasn't sure she was ever going to be ok again. But she wouldn't feel any better sitting in this room either. "Yeah, I just want to get out of here."
Nick found the doctor and quickly arranged for Chris' discharge. Once back at the hotel, Brian ran interference with the fans while Nick carried her up to her room. He gently placed her on her bed and smoothed the covers around her. Picking up the phone, he called down to the front desk and arranged for the prescriptions the doctor had given Chris to be filled. Chris didn't think she'd ever seen Nick act so....so...adult? Not a crack since she'd woken up this morning, he'd become a stronger, more mature Nick right before her eyes. It scared her to see the change in him, that she could have done that. "Thank you, Nicky."
He sat down next to her on the bed and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "You going to tell me what happened now?"
She shook her head. "No."
"Chrissy," he put his arm around her, pulling her into his chest. "Talking about it will help."
"No." Nick was changing before her eyes enough already. The details of what had occurred last night would surely only change him more, chip away a little more at his innocence. She couldn't do that to him.
"Why did you leave the club?"
"No."
There was a knock at the door, and Nick went to answer it. He returned, trailed by Julia.
"Chris, Brian just told me, I'm so sorry," She rushed over to her friend.
Chris jerked at the sound of Julia's voice, and turned away from her. "Get out." The mere sound of her voice was a reminder of the evils of last night, and right now, she just wanted to forget.
"What?"
"Please, Jules, just not now. I can't."
"Ok," her voice very small, she left, closing the door behind her.
"Are you mad at Julia?"
"Nick, don't ask." Chris hugged him. "Don't you have to go? There's a concert tonight. I don't think I can make it, though.." she waved to the bandages around her chest. The thought of being alone terrified her, but she also didn't want to break down around Nick again.
"I begged out of rehearsal, so you're stuck with me for a while longer." Nick grinned.
"Thanks."
They lay in silence for a while, Nick rubbing Chris' back.
"Nick?"
"Yeah?"
"I couldn't," she started, then stopped as a sob shook her, much to her surprise.
Nick gasped and hugged her tighter, "what, sweetie?"
"I couldn't have made it through last night without you." She blurted out, hugging him tight.
He held her tight until her tears stopped again. "Chris, I really do mean it when I say I'll always be here for you."
"I know, Nicky, I know." And, for reasons she didn't quite understand, knowing that scared her to death.
****************************************************
*lyrics by Sarah McLachlan
A Day in the Life Of.. (Day 114) Houston
Ever since the 'accident,' as Chris had taken to calling the attack, she'd been running around like a madwoman, trying to keep as busy as possible, to put the events of that night out of her mind. She'd repaired her relationship with Julia, but talking to Kevin about anything other than the weather was still out of her league.
Brian had been getting suspicious of her reactions to Kevin, so she was trying as hard as possible to get over it. But her attacker had the same complexion as Kevin, all she could remember was the dark hair, dark eyes, and height. All the same, and in her nightmares, the man turned into Kevin.
She was recovering alright, she thought. The bruises on her face were still pretty bad, the doctor had been right about that, but they looked worse than they were. Emotionally, she was getting there. Of the 5 nights since the attack, she had only spent 1 alone, and that was because she needed to prove to herself she could still sleep without Nick. The test didn't go well, she got maybe an hour of sleep, spending most of the nights under the covers, shivering in fear.
She didn't know where the fear of being alone came from. She had been an independent person her entire life, moving out of her parents' house at 17 to get an apartment, living without a roommate by 20. Here she was now, surrounded by big tough security guards, and she was scared as a mouse.
She had also gotten in the habit of taking multiple showers a day. It wasn't really intentional, just the slightest bit of sweat or dirt, and she felt dirty, to the point that she would obsess over the grime on her body. She figured being ultra clean couldn't be a bad thing, right?
The gang was hanging out by the hotel pool, enjoying a few moments off. Much to AJ's chagrin, Chris wasn't even in a bathing suit, "What good's a pool without the girlies in the bikini's?"
"You can look at Brian's sexy stuff, AJ." Chris pulled off her sunglasses to look at AJ. Her entire stomach was still black and blue, there wasn't a chance in hell she was putting on a bikini.
"Just ain't the same, Chris." AJ sighed. The guys had been furious when they found out what had happened, and that Brian and Nick had waited so long before telling them. They'd been more than kind to Chris over the last week, stopping by her room at all hours to see if 'they could do anything.'
"You're going to be dancing again in no time." Brian hugged her tight.
"Monday, actually." She returned the hug. She'd almost told Brian about Kevin, but stopped herself. Kevin was bound to get caught one of these days, it was better just letting him screw himself over.
"Fatima cleared you already?" Nick came up behind her, one arm slipping comfortably over her shoulder.
"She said I'm making a wonderful recovery." Chris had been working out with Fatima every day this week, the older woman watching her closely to make sure she didn't reinjure herself.
"That's great, sweetie." Nick hugged her close.
Nick. Now there was a complicated issue for Chris. They'd been close already, but since her accident he'd been fiercely protective, almost smothering her. Chris' head told her she should be telling Nick he was being too protective, but her heart loved the attention, and melted every time Nick came into the room. And when he looked into her eyes, something turned in her tummy, every time. That couldn't be a bad thing, right?
Her best friend had told her again that she was playing with fire when it came to Nick, that she was going to get hurt. Nick was a very dear, wonderful friend who she needed very badly right now. How that could hurt her, she didn't get. So maybe their feelings were moving a little past just the friendship level. Nothing had happened, nothing was going to happen, so all would be fine, right? Feelings go away.
"We're gonna go get some food, you want to come?" Brian asked Chris and Nick.
"No, thanks," they both replied, leaning back on their pool chairs. They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the wind.
"Chris?" She looked up to see Mike Riley making his way out to the pool.
"Mike?" Quickly shaking off Nick's arms, she stood up to welcome him. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Chris, we're so sorry about what happened. I wanted to make sure you were ok." He pulled her into an uncomfortable hug. "Can we go someplace to talk?"
"Sure." Chris walked with Mike back to the hotel bar.
**********************************************************
Once they were seated, Chris asked, "What's up?"
"I'm here for two reasons, actually, one of which I'm pretty sure you're going to like." Mike smiled.
"Ok...?"
"Good news first. You're going on David Letterman Monday."
"I'm doing what?" Chris stared at him, eyes wide.
"Letterman. CBS, Late Night? You know the show Chris."
"Of course I do, but..." she was speechless. Why would Letterman want HER? "Isn't he booked months in advance?"
"He had a cancellation."
"Figures." She chuckled. "But my face..."
"We'll have a makeup artist meet you at the airport here in Texas, so you'll look like a million bucks by the time you step off the plane in New York."
"New York! How long will I be there?" Oh, to go home and sleep in her own SAFE bed...
"In and out, I'm afraid, no time to go home."
"Lovely."
"So that's the good news."
"That's great." She wondered why she didn't feel more excited. This was the big time, Letterman. Probably because she didn't WANT to be big time. Not personally, anyway. Now if her show was to go to CBS, then she'd be excited. She looked at Mike. "So what's the bad news." It had to be bad if they flew Mike all the way down here to tell her.
"I don't know how to say this, Chris, so I'm just going to come right out with it."
"Go for it."
"We're running the footage from New Years Eve."
Chris felt like her heart stopped. "You're what?" she whispered, sure she'd misheard.
"We're running the footage from New Years," he repeated.
"No....you can't..." she gasped. "Mike, this is my life, please don't do this to me."
"Chris, with you going on Letterman, you're going to be a huge star. Once America sees what happened to you? AND the way Nick reacted? Chris, it's heartbreaking television, people are going to love it."
"But this is my life!" She said, angrily. "I don't give a fuck what America thinks. I don't want their pity, Mike."
"I'm sorry, Chris, but the episode is being cut. There isn't anything you can do to stop it."
Chris stood up. "That's where you're wrong, Mike. There is." She turned and walked back to the pool, shaking with anger, ignoring Mike calling after her.
"Nick." She finally reached him, and sat down next to him on the pool chair. "I need a favor."
"Chris?" He looked at her closely. "Why are you shaking?"
She stared at the ground, unable to meet his gaze. If she did, the tears would start. "Mike wants to use the stuff from New Years'."
Nick sighed and hugged Chris. He'd been waiting for this. He'd been in this business, and had his private information made public far too many times to think it wouldn't. In this area, anyway, he was very much Chris' elder.
"Chris," Mike caught up to her. "Don't worry, you'll like the episode."
Chris glared at him, unable to find the words to express how angry she was.
"You're not using the footage." Nick said, his voice very calm, very sure. He had to try...
"Nick, you don't want to do this." Mike warned. "This is between me and Chris, and it doesn't look good for either of you to get involved."
"No," Nick put his arm around Chris and pulled her close. "This is between ME and Chris, and I suggest you leave."
"We're using that footage, Chris, I'm sorry, but it's the way it has to be." Mike said quickly, then left.
"He can't," Chris felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Chris, we'll stop him, don't worry." Nick reassured her.
She stared at Nick. "You know better than that."
He couldn't lie to her, he just pulled her close and held her as tears ran down her face. "I will do everything in my power to stop them from using that footage, Chris."
"Monday the whole world sees me nice and strong on Letterman. One week later, the whole world sees me break down. Lovely."
************************************************************
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