A Day in the Life Of... Day 131 New York
Chris got dressed slowly, dreading the day. Lisa had been bustling around the apartment since bright and early that morning, making coffee, forcing Chris to eat breakfast, picking out her outfit for the show.
"You ready yet?" Lisa called. "You know they'll do your makeup there, just get your clothes on."
"I'm dressed." Chris walked out of the bedroom, twirling for Lisa, but her heart wasn't in it. She did look good, Lisa had an eye for clothes, no question. She was wearing a pair of black velvet jeans, topped with a short, soft purple cashmere sweater. Black granny boots and pearl earrings completed the look. Comfy chic. Or something like that.
"The car should be downstairs." Lisa looked her over quickly, and shoved her purse in her hands. "You don't want to be late. You SURE you don't want me to go with you?"
"I'm sure." Chris wanted to look strong. If she brought Lisa, it would look like she needed a crutch. "Watch on tv, tell me how bad I look."
"You'll be great." Lisa hugged her and pushed her out the door.
Chris got in the waiting car downstairs and watched the city fly by, collecting her thoughts before arriving at the studio. What would she say to Nick. Hi? Seemed inadequate, somehow. You bastard, you made me fall in love with you? That felt a lot closer to what she wanted to say, but definitely a stupid thing to say with cameras around. Maybe she could just ignore him altogether. As the cab hedged up towards Times Square, she could hear the screams of fans in the distance. "God, I didn't miss that," she groaned, and pulled her ID from her purse.
When the cab finally reached its destination, Chris paid and got out, finding Elaine waiting for her outside the building. "Why am I not surprised." She greeted her security guard with a smile.
"I figured you could use me here." Elaine followed her into the building, removing a few stray arms from Chris' back as they passed the fans.
Since Chris was late, she was whisked right into makeup, without time to find the guys and say hello. Julia stopped by to see her in the makeup chair, but before she knew it, she was being led into the green room, and they were 5 minutes to air.
"Chris!" Brian grabbed her in a hug when she entered the room. "You looking forward to seeing the video?"
The video. With everything else that had been going on, she hadn't even thought about the reason why they were here, doing TRL. Don't Want You Back. Her and Nick. The video had been in editing until late last week, none of them had seen it yet. "I guess." She shrugged, looking around the room, trying not to consciously look for Nick. But she needed to know...
He was slumped in a chair in the corner, eyes staring at the ground, refusing to look at her.
She turned away, all of her suspicions about him confirmed. He was a jerk. Fine. "There any coffee in here?"
**********************************************
Carson Daly introduces the guys first, then Chris, all to the sound of screams from the audience. They're seated on stage, microphones in hand.
"So this video, Don't Want You Back, what's the idea?" Carson asks.
"It's about a relationship between a girl and a guy, one of those on again off again things. Ultimately the guy's friends step in and help him break away from her, since she's no good." Kevin explains
"How did Chris here end up in the video?" Carson winks at Chris. He'd known her since he started at MTV, she'd produced some of his earlier stuff, before TRL came along.
"Our choreographer came up with the idea of Chris dancing with us for the song, on tour. We'd been doing it for a few weeks, and the fans were really eating it up, when we decided to make this the next single. Given everyone's reaction to the song on stage, it only made sense to expand on it for the video." Kevin again.
"Now, Chris and Nick are the couple in the video, and we've all seen the two of you on stage, and on the show." Carson grins. "This real, or just acting?"
"Nothing." Nick says quickly. "Just acting."
Chris looks straight ahead at Carson, determined not to react to Nick's words. Nothing, huh. Asshole. What happened to 'we're real.' God, he could have anyone in the world, why did he have to fuck with her heart?
He changes the subject, sensing a dead end on that line of questioning. "Chris, we're all so sorry about what happened to you on New Year's, are you recovering ok?"
Chris nods. "It's been three weeks, and I'm doing fine now, thanks. Physically, the bruises are pretty much gone, and I was very lucky to have friends who cared about me to help me through it emotionally."
"Like Nick."
Chris nods again, slowly. "Yeah." She really couldn't have made it through that without him, there was no denying that. Could Carson just PLEASE stop asking her about Nick??
"You guys just had some time off in the Caribbean, what was the first thing you did once the cameras were off?"
"Dropped my pants and ran around naked." AJ cackles, shaking his hips in his seat.
"And I missed it?" Chris joked, thankful for the change in topic.
"Thank god we all missed it," Kevin laughed.
"On that note, why don't we watch the video. Premiering today on Total Request Live, Don't Want You Back, by the Backstreet Boys!" Carson sends away to the video with a wave of his hand.
They all turn to watch the monitors, none of them having ever seen the video before. Images fill the screen of Chris and Nick joking with each other. The cheerleader with the captain of the football team, all sweet and innocent. Getting older, the pair splashing around in a pool, kissing, the chemistry between them dripping off the screen. In bed rolling around. They're fighting now, Nick running back to the guys for support. They talk to him, all turn on Chris for the rest of the video, intercut with more scenes of the couple together.
"I understand that was the first time you all saw the video, what'd you think?" Carson asks.
"Looks great, its exactly as we'd hoped it would be." Kevin smiles.
"Chris, you still telling me nothing's going on between you and Nick?"
Chris' heart sinks through her chest. Watching her and Nick on screen had hurt, they'd looked so happy. Like they'd been in the Caribbean. "If there was, you'd be first to know, Carson." She feels a hand squeeze hers, and turns to see Brian watching her carefully.
"Now, we have a little surprise for you all," Carson looks off camera, and someone carrying a birthday cake walks on, followed by another woman carrying a big box. "Nick, on behalf of MTV, we're like to wish you an early Happy 21st Birthday."
The crowd screams as Nick's mouth drops open, he'd honestly forgotten his birthday was coming up, with everything that had been going on. "Oh wow." He makes his way to Carson, hugs him. "It's not till Friday, ya know."
Nick opens the box to find an assortment of liquor bottles, which Carson proclaims the perfect 21st birthday present. Everyone cheers, Nick blows out the candles on the cake, and TRL is over.
*********************************************************
Chris couldn't have run to her office fast enough, thank god it was only a short flight of stairs down from the TRL studio. She slammed the door behind her and sat down at her desk, head in her hands. This was getting out of control, she couldn't let Nick effect her this way.
A knock on the door. "Chris, open up." Julia.
Chris got up and opened the door, locking it behind her. "You saw?"
"I saw."
"He's an asshole."
"He's confused, Chris, that's all."
"He told me he loved me." Chris couldn't help feeling like a child as she said the words, how naive could she be.
Julia sighed and sat down. "I really think he does love you, Chris, he's not the kind of guy who would say that if he didn't mean it."
"Then why is he acting like this? So awful...like I did something wrong." Chris stared at Julia, eyes wide. "Unless I did do something wrong? Oh no, what did I do?"
"No," Julia shook her head. "I don't think you did anything wrong, this one's all on Nicky."
"So I just chalk this up to men being jerks and ignore him? His birthday's Friday, what on earth do I get him?"
"Generic boring present. You can even make it from both of us, so he REALLY can't read anything into it."
"That's not mean? He got me the nicest present for my birthday...and the sweetest card..."
"Chris, do you want to get over him, or not?"
"Of course I do, we're on tour with him until June, aren't we?"
"So we get him some video game, from both of us."
"It's his 21st birthday, Jules, that's a big one," Chris felt like she couldn't be that heartless, even if he was acting like a jerk.
"What'd you get for your 21st birthday?"
Chris thought for a second. "Nothing special I can think of..."
"See."
"Doesn't mean I shouldn't have gotten anything special."
"Brian's birthday's in a month, you gonna spaz over his too? That'll be, what, 27? Special too?"
"Shut up." Chris couldn't help but laugh. "Don't you have work to do?"
"Yeah, but an Exec Producer would help, darlin, care to join me?"
"Sure. Work is good."
"You'll get over him, I promise." Julia said softly, before getting up to leave.
"I know. It's convincing myself I need to get over him that I'm having difficulty with."
***************************************************
A Day in the Life Of...(Day 132) New York City
Chris found Fatima alone on the stage, warming up. "Nobody else here yet?" She put her stuff in a chair and climbed up to join her.
"Nope." Fatima looked Chris up and down, and gave her a hug. "You look tan, the Caribbean did you well."
Chris smiled. "I guess."
"And how's my Nicky?" Fatima had gotten Chris to confide in her months ago about Nick, she swore she'd been able to tell since the day she first saw the two of them together that 'something was gonna happen.'
"Don't ask." She frowned. "We're not talking, it seems."
"What happened in the Caribbean??"
"Everything, nothing." Chris shrugged. "Doesn't matter now, Nick just isn't the guy I thought he was."
"Wait a second, Chrissy, don't you go doubting Nick over nothing, now. He's a great guy, remember how long I've known him? I know this for a fact. And he loves you, heart and soul."
"He has one hell of a way of showing it." Chris muttered, looking up as the guys made their way into the arena, camera crews in tow.
"We'll finish this later," Fatima told Chris, moving to the edge of the stage to greet everyone.
Rehearsal was uncomfortable, to say the least. Kevin was still avoiding Brian, the two shooting harsh looks back and forth whenever Fatima's back was turned. Howie was ignoring everyone, just doing his moves and saying nothing. AJ...was AJ. And Nick was hesitant to touch Chris, he was afraid he would just grab her tight and never let go. And every time he did actually touch her, she would jump as if shocked, which Fatima didn't appreciate screwing up her choreography.
"Ok you two, I don't care WHAT happened in the Caribbean, you're going to work together, ok?" Fatima glared at the two of them after they screwed up for the 10th time. She grabbed Nick's hand and placed it firmly on Chris' rear. "Now THIS is where your hand is to go. For 2 beats, hold, hold. NO letting go early, and Chris, your ass stays in Nick's hand and your feet stay put, understand?"
Chris nodded. Was it possible for her to recognize his touch on her? His hand felt...familiar. "Ok."
"Now we're going to do it again, and I'm going to see heat between the two of you." Fatima stepped back and started counting off again. "And 1-2-3..."
***************************************************
"You're coming to the concert tonight, right?" Julia asked Lisa, sitting on Chris' couch, glass of wine in hand.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Lisa clinked glasses with Julia, and looked at Chris. "You sure you won't have a glass?"
Chris shook her head. "I still gotta go dance tonight, remember?"
"I can't wait to see that," Lisa laughed. "Chrissy dancing on stage with the Backstreet Boys. This is gonna be fun."
"At least I can be sure I won't hear whatever horrible things you decide to yell at me." Chris grinned. "You may want some earplugs."
"That bad, huh?"
"Oh, you have no idea." Chris and Julia shared a look.
"Well, it'll be fun." Lisa sipped her wine. "So how was rehearsal today?"
"Long. Painful. Awkward." Chris drank her diet coke. "Nick and me aren't getting along, Brian and Kevin aren't getting along, Howie's shutting everyone out....it's just bad all around. Halfway through the tour, I guess this is what happens. Things get rough."
"What's wrong with Howie?" Julia asked.
"No idea, he won't talk. You see his tapes, is he still having those nightmares?" She asked.
"Nope." Julia shook her head. "He hasn't for months now."
"Strange."
"When do you start up confessionals again?"
"Saturday, the road trip to Ohio."
"I think we should focus on the Caribbean trip for the next episode, how excited they all were before, how they felt after."
"HEY" Lisa interrupted the two. "You're talking work. Stop it."
Chris apologized,. "sorry." Her face grew serious, "that's going to be a really fucking hard confessional to do with Nick."
"You want me to do it?" Julia offered.
"You can't, you know how that'd look," Chris shook her head. "I have to do it. It's just going to be awful."
************************************************
Howie sat on the bed in Nick's room, waiting for him to finish getting ready. "We're gonna be late, man, move it." They were supposed to be at the arena by 7. It was 6:30 now, and getting anywhere in New York City took a while.
"I'm getting dressed, chill." Nick called from the bathroom. For some reason, he was really nervous about tonight's show. They'd only had, what, 6 days off in total, but he felt strange, like something was really wrong. "I got a bad feeling about tonight, man."
"What do you mean?"
"Dunno. Just a bad feeling." He pulled on his pants, stepped out of the bathroom. "Felt bad at rehearsal today too."
"Yeah, about that," Howie was silenced by a glare from Nick. "Come on man, you gotta talk about it."
Nick shook his head and pointed to the clock. "We gotta go, right?"
"We got five minutes," Howie pushed Nick back into the bathroom and closed the door behind them. "What happened between you and Chris?"
"I dunno." Nick shrugged. "I thought I knew. Weird, right? I was SO sure I knew. I'd never felt that sure before. And now I feel like a kid again, without a clue about what the hell is going on...I don't know what I'm feeling. All I do know is that I can't touch her, and I'm dying to. It's going to drive me crazy, Howie." His blue eyes opened wide as he conveyed his anguish. "I love her."
"Nick, if you really love her, who cares about the cameras? Just go to her." Howie advised. "If she loves you too, she won't care."
"Don't you get it?" Nick's eyes were bright. "The fact that she cares, that she needs to be her own person...if she didn't care, I wouldn't love HER. How can I ask her to change one of the things I love so much about her?"
"Love changes people, Nicky, that's what it's all about."
"I can't do that to her. I don't want to change her like that, it's wrong." He shook his head. "Her career is so important to her."
"You wouldn't be ruining her career."
"You ever hear about the producer who slept with one of the girls from the first Real World?"
"I remember hearing it happened..."
"Yeah." Nick sighs. "Ever hear about the guy after?"
"I don't exactly follow the turnover in MTV producer jobs, but I get your point."
"Not to mention, Leighanne sure as hell hasn't had it easy."
Howie nodded, he couldn't argue with that.
"Speaking of, I thought you were going to bring a girl to the Caribbean? What happened?"
"Didn't work out, that's all." Howie replied. "We gotta go, Nicky, you sure you gonna be ok?"
"Yeah, fine." He'd been alone before, he could handle being alone again.You just got used to it, as Howie said.
******************************************************
Chris ran onstage in the darkness, finding her mark on stage. She felt Nick's hand wrap around her waist, and him whisper the customary "Good luck, Chrissy." At least some things were still the same. They whirled into the routine, definitely touching each other a little less than normal, a bit hesitant still, but all in all, a performance that should make Fatima reasonably happy. After the song ended, Chris joined Lisa in the front row to watch the rest of the show, Elaine carving a path for her.
"You like?"
"I loved!" Lisa was staring at the stage, watching AJ swivel those hips away. "I'm in love..."
Chris laughed and watched AJ. Never failed to cast a spell over every woman in the audience, every time. "He's damn good, isn't he?"
"Yeah." As Kevin took the stage, Lisa turned to face her friend. "You were great up there."
"Thanks. Went alright...could have been better."
"It has to be hard, dancing with Nick, like that." Lisa wiggled her bum, imitating the dance Chris had to do pressed up against him.
"Brings back a lot of memories." Chris nodded, watching Nick slowly walk out on stage for his solo. She fell silent as he began to sing, watching him, mesmerized.
Lisa watched Chris staring at Nick, shaking her head. "Chris, he's singing that love song to the entire arena."
Chris rolled her eyes. "I'm well aware, Lisa, can't I just enjoy his voice?"
"He does have a great voice."
"Ayup." Chris sighed as the song ended and the rest of the guys took the stage. "They all do."
"It's only one of them who has me worried, Chris."
*****************************************************
A Day in the Life Of...(Day 133) New York City
"Howie, man, wake up." Kevin slapped his face gently, until he woke up. He'd come into the suite's kitchen for some water, and found Howie on the floor, snoring loudly.
"What?" He shook off Kevin and stood up, rubbing his eyes, looking around the kitchen. "Huh?"
"You were sleeping. Howie, what's going on?" Kevin looked at him closely.
"Nothing, I must have fallen off the chair when I fell asleep." Howie points to the kitchen chair, cup of coffee getting cold on the table.
"Drinking coffee at 4 in the morning?"
"You know me, man, has no effect." Howie put the cup in the sink and yawned. "I'm gonna head to bed now, thanks for waking me up."
"No problem." Kevin watched Howie close the door to his room, wondering what he wasn't seeing. Howie didn't look sick, or drugged, or anything...just like he'd fallen asleep, like he said. Nothing wrong with that then, right? With a sigh, he went into his room, to go to sleep.
*********************************************************
Chris stood outside the room, taking a deep breath. Inside were the two girls who had won the MTV contest, who would be spending the next 5 days on tour with her and the Backstreet Boys. Hopefully all would go well, they were fans, right? And they were both over 18, so that was a good sign. She pushed open the door to the room to find 2 girls jabbering away inside. "Amy and Robin, I presume?" She smiled at the two who stopped to stare at her.
"Chris!" They both jumped up, introducing themselves.
The one with the short brown hair and dark brown eyes was Amy, the taller redheaded girl with the ice blue eyes, Robin. Amy had submitted a song she had written about the Backstreet Boys to win, and Robin had choreographed, and videotaped herself dancing to one of their songs. Both were extremely talented, and would be meeting with talent scouts in Cincinnati on Tuesday. Robin would also be meeting with Fatima, but she didn't know that yet.
"Nice to meet you both," she smiled. "I'm sure you're both anxious to meet the guys, they're upstairs right now doing an interview for MTV News. I'll bring you up, and we can talk on the way, ok?"
The girls nodded, and they made their way upstairs, Chris explaining how the tour would work as they went. Since the girls were going to be around the guys, they would be on camera quite a bit, and it was important they understood all that entailed. All explanations done, they walked into the studio, Amy giving out a small gasp when she saw the guys sitting there.
"Hey!" Brian jumped up and waved from his spot on the couch, prompting a frown from Kevin.
"Can't we just get this promo shot?" Kevin muttered. "MUST you keep bouncing up and down?"
"Hi, I'm Brian Littrell, and I want my MTV." Brian said quickly, staring at the camera. "Done?"
The director threw his hands in the air, he knew when a shot just wasn't going to happen. "Done."
Brian bounced over to hug Chris. "So these are our talented fans?" He'd personally selected the winning entries, going through all of the artwork had been fun for him to do on the long bus rides.
"This is Amy, and this is Robin," Chris introduced the two to Brian, and then the others as they made their way over. Nick was the last to straggle over, barely acknowledging the girls with a whispered hi.
"So who's your favorite, Robin?" AJ asked as they headed out of the studio, waggling his eyes.
"Don't answer that," Chris advised, "No matter who you answer, it will be used against you, I promise."
"Chris is just hoping you're not a Nicky fan," AJ cracked, pouting after Chris punched his shoulder. "It was just a joke, man."
"Not funny."
"Doesn't matter anyway, we can all share the love." AJ winked at the girls. "I'm guessing you guys know what you're in for with us, I won't scare you off?"
"We'll be ok," Amy choked out, hanging on to Robin for support.
Chris laughed and pushed AJ away from the girls. "Back off, Bone."
A Day in the Life Of...(Day 134) New York City - Columbus
- Confessional footage, Brian Littrell, Day 134
"So how was the Caribbean?" Chris' voice, off camera.
"I had a great time." Brian smiles, points to his face. "Got a ton of color, sleep, all that good stuff. Leighanne had a great time as well, it was a wonderful present from MTV. We can't thank them enough."
"Leighanne's gone for a while now?"
"Just 2 more weeks, until Valentine's Day. Then she'll be on tour with us for 2 more weeks." Brian sighs. "She has a career of her own, so she can't always come with us. I understand that, but it sucks, ya know? I wish she could always be with me." He grins sheepishly. "Selfish of me, right?"
"Understandable."
"Sucks when your career gets in the way of your love life, right?" Brian stares off camera at Chris pointedly.
"Yup." She says softly.
"Shouldn't let your career stop you from being in love altogether though."
"Has your career ever stopped you?"
"Nope, I'm happily engaged to Leighanne, as you well know. You're dodging the subject." He looks at her, frustrated.
"It's your confessional. We're supposed to talk about you, not me. What are you going to do for Valentine's Day?"
"Oooh, well, let's see, I'm going to get dinner reservations at a REALLY nice restaurant, Leighanne loves getting all dolled up and going somewhere special. We're gonna be in NY for the night and without a concert," he grins, "our management shows they have hearts in the strangest ways sometimes. Anyway I'm thinking theater tickets after dinner. Not sure which show yet, though."
"Sounds like she'll have a great time."
"Yeah, maybe a carriage ride, do up the whole thing. I love Valentine's Day, it's fun."
"Your birthday's coming up as well?"
"After Valentine's Day, yeah."
"Leighanne will still be on tour then, right?"
"Yeah, she wanted to be with me for my birthday. Every birthday's a blessing to me now, it's a very special day. Today's Nick's special day, you know. God, he's turning 21." Brian laughs. "Little Nicky's really become a man now, hasn't he." His voice grows soft, serious. "This tour, he was already starting to look like a man, but now he's actually acting like one." A soft chuckle. "Well, maybe not this week. But he was, he's getting there. It's taking him a while."
"Those adult emotions again?" Chris couldn't keep the sarcasm from her voice.
"Yes." Sharp, he looks up at the camera, cursing its existence. "He's doing the best he can. He's not," he pauses, searching for the words. "He's not all that experienced at this. Rather inexperienced, even."
"Sure." No fucking way was the man who made her feel like that inexperienced. Please.
Brian glares at her. "What is with you?"
"This isn't about me."
"No, this is about Nick, who I thought you were getting to understand pretty well. He's my best friend, and he's hurting pretty badly right now, which hurts me pretty badly. I don't know exactly what happened, but jesus, Chris, have you even looked at him? Can't you see?"
"Brian..." She didn't want to hurt him, but god, Nick hurt her...
"Turn that camera off, this is over."
- End Confessional Footage
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