Chris turned off the camera with a sigh and looked out the window. "Looks like we're almost there, that's Columbus up there." She was not going to talk about this anymore, the topic was closed.
"Chris, tonight?" Brian said hesitantly.
"We have a concert, and I now have 2 girls to keep out of trouble." The 2 girls were currently on the other tour bus with the guys, undoubtedly having the time of their lives.
Brian laughed, "They're not girls, they're 18, you don't have to worry about them. No, I mean Nick's birthday."
"Oh. Yeah." Chris had taken Julia's advice, and bought Nick some new games for his Playstation 2. She was going to give them to him from JUST her though, and write something nice on the card, she couldn't be heartless. "Right."
"We're gonna sing Happy Birthday to Nick on stage, give him our presents there. Will you come up and sing with us?"
Chris shook her head. "I don't think so."
"It's his birthday." Brian said firmly. "You're still his friend, right?"
Chris nodded slowly.
"So you'll come on stage and sing, if I have to drag you out there myself." He grinned. "You're going out with us after the show, too."
She sighed. There was no arguing with Brian when he got like this. "Whatever."
*************************************************
Chris stood offstage, microphone in one hand, Nick's present in the other, waiting for Kevin to announce Nick's birthday. Her stomach had been cramping all night, ever since talking with Brian on the bus. The last thing in the world she felt like doing now was going on stage and singing to Nick, she just wanted to curl up in bed at home, back in New York.
Amy and Robin were standing next to her, also holding presents for Nick. Chris figured they might as well join her on stage, after all, THEY had remembered Nick's birthday better than she had. She heard Kevin yell and gestured to the girls, walking out on stage, amidst screams.
Kevin had seated Nick in a chair on the stage, staring out at the audience. Everywhere the eye could see were 'Happy Birthday Nick' signs, wrapped presents, teddy bears and bras were falling on the stage in record setting numbers.
Nick looked out at the crowd, around on the stage, and couldn't help but smile, the first genuine one he'd felt in days. "Wow, thank you."
Kevin waved to everyone and they started singing Happy Birthday. The audience joined in, a thunderous, screaming tribute to Nick's birthday that left everyone in awe. One by one, everyone handed him their presents, and Nick grabbed them each in a huge hug, clearly overwhelmed. AJ, Kevin, Brian, even Howie accepted the hug with a smile. Chris quickly dropped her box and card in his hand before turning her back and walking away without the hug, leaving Nick visibly stunned. She felt bad, but she just couldn't bear to feel his arms around her, it would be too much. Amy and Robin each ran up to Nick, getting a hug and kiss for their trouble, which left them both bright red as Chris lead them off the stage.
"What's wrong with you and Nick?" Amy touched Chris' arm softly. She was a fan, but she'd been watching the show like anyone else, and had seen Chris and Nick become very good friends. They weren't acting like the friends she'd seen. More like enemies.
"You can watch the rest of the show from here," Chris pointed to some seats set up just offstage. "I'll wait for you backstage."
"Chris?" Amy pulled her back. "Look, both Robin and me can see something's wrong. If you don't tell us, tell someone, ok? All any of us want is to see the guys happy, and Nick doesn't look happy. Even now," she pointed to him grinning and waving at the crowd onstage. "Something's clearly upsetting him."
Chris looked at the girl in surprise. She hadn't expected this, them being this insightful. Why was it she'd looped 'fans' in with 'idiots'? Amy and Robin were people just like anyone else. "Nothing's wrong, enjoy the rest of the show." She escaped to find Julia.
"Hey," She sat down next to her Assistant Producer in the reception area.
"Hey," Julia set down the clipboard she'd been flipping through. "I'm glad you're here, I wanted to review the next show."
"Sure, what's up?"
"Just needed to warn you. It's rather clear something happened in the Caribbean between you and Nicky, in the episode. I can't cut any more, too many people mentioned it. And when Fatima made him grab your ass? Classic."
Chris sighed. "Lovely."
"Also...Howie."
"What about him?"
"Kevin found him passed out cold this morning on the floor of their suite."
"Oh jesus, what happened? He's ok, right?"
Julia shrugged. "That's the thing, NOTHING as far as I can tell. He was sitting there reading one second, on the floor out cold the next. You know the hotel cams are motion-activated, they shut off once he went down, for about half an hour, based on the timestamp, until Kevin came into the room. I didn't see the tapes until I pulled it this morning."
"Stress of the tour?"
"Possibly?" Julia came out with the question. "So do we air it?"
"I guess, if we show what happened leading up to it, so it's clear he wasn't off in the bathroom doing drugs."
"Nope, just sitting at the table, drinking coffee."
"Maybe intercut some of the old nightmare footage?" Chris sighed. "It scares me sometimes, Jules, exactly how much power we have. We show that, people are going to start to wonder what's wrong with Howie. If we play a Janis Joplin song over it, they'll think it's drugs. If we run in nightmare footage, they'll think he's not sleeping."
"Power of the press."
"I can't help but wonder if we're doing the right thing."
"You read online, their fans are getting older. We clearly are."
Chris nodded. She'd noticed all the 'over 21' Backstreet Boys websites that had been cropping up lately, including a few run by men. And the fan sites for the show were a ton of fun to read, some were run by people who didn't even know the Boys before the show, they just found the show fascinating. Others were by hard-core fans who tore every word the guys said to pieces. "Yeah." She heard loud screams from the arena, "show must be over."
Robin and Amy ran into the room, breathless.
"That was awesome." Robin gushed, sitting down next to Chris. "I saw the tour back in Seattle, but that was before you guys put the dance in. And seeing the whole thing from backstage, wow."
Chris smiled. This is why the guys did what they did, all day, every day. "I'm glad you liked it."
"Was amazing." Amy nodded. "So where do we go now?"
"I think they're all going out somewhere for Nick's birthday." Chris looked down. "I don't feel so well, but you two should go. Jules, you're going to go, right?"
"Oh, no, Chris, you're going too." Julia said sternly.
"No," Chris shook her head. "I REALLY don't feel well, I'm going back to the hotel to go to sleep."
"Chris," Julia warned. "You don't want to turn into a bitch, don't do this. It's Nicky's birthday."
Chris really felt like she just needed to crawl into bed and die. Her period, probably. Only cramps from her period left her all shaky and weak kneed, it was awful. If she had to face Nick tonight, she'd just fall over. "I'm going to go back to the hotel." She stood up and grabbed her purse. "I'll see you all tomorrow." And before anyone else could argue, she left.
*************************************************
...The price of getting what you want, is getting what once you wanted.*
Nick had lost count of how many beers he'd had to drink long ago, it was his 21st birthday, and determined to have fun, even if it did involve drinking most of the bar. Alcohol helped him forget everything, which he desperately needed to do at the moment.
He'd discovered Robin could dance, the two of them were currently shaking it up on the dance floor, hands all over each other. "You're a great dancer," he screamed into her ear, to be heard above the music.
"Thank you!!" Robin shouted back. Nick Carter thought she was a great dancer. Wow. "So are you," she tripped over his foot and grabbed onto him for support. She'd had a bit too much to drink as well.
"Although I have rather large feet, huh." He laughed, and led her back to the table.
"Nickay getting down!" AJ hooted when Nick reclaimed his seat, throwing an ice cube at him. "You're a man now, boy."
Nick took a long gulp of his beer, looking over the top of the mug at AJ. "I'm only one day older than I was yesterday."
"Still, you're 21, now. That's a big deal." Brian grinned, pointing to Nick's beer. "For one, you're legally allowed to have that."
"Like it's ever stopped me before." He laughed, drinking again for emphasis. "Hey, where'd my presents go? I didn't open them, did I!"
Kevin grabbed the bag of presents and handed it to Nick. "You want to do this here, or later back in your room?"
"Here's cool." Nick eagerly dug into the bag, pulling out the first box his hands found. He shook it, holding it to his ear. "Hrm, no card."
"From me!" Brian said. "Forgot the card, sorry."
"Like a girl, I swear," Howie laughed, watching Nick carefully unwrap the present.
"Shaddup." Nick tore the rest of the wrapping off, revealing a box, inside a box, inside another box. "Damn Frick, what did you do?" Finally he got to the last and final box, revealing a little velvet jewelry case. "No, I don't want to marry you," he opened the velvet box, laughing, to find a guitar pick inside. "Gee, Bri, thanks?"
Brian laughed at Nick's confusion, and smiled. "That's the pick. Your guitar's waiting for you in my room."
Nick's mouth dropped open, and he stared at his friend. "You got me a guitar?"
Brian nodded, his breath whooshing out of him as Nick grabbed him in a bear hug. "You bet, bro."
Nick was grinning from ear to ear as he grabbed for the next box. He went through the presents, opening each carefully. A musical note on a thick gold chain from Amy, a blank music workbook from Kevin, a bunch of new CD's from Howie, a box of black hair dye, and a cowboy hat from AJ, which Nick found extremely funny. Blonde to black, yeah right. A Lakers jersey with his name on the back from Robin, and then he was holding Chris' present, card in hand.
"You can open that in your hotel room, you know." Brian said softly, looking at his watch. "We should get going anyway, it's late."
Nick shook his head. He was gonna open this just like the rest, she couldn't even be bothered to come tonight, there was no reason to treat this special. He opened the card, finding a cute birthday card with Pikachu holding a balloon on the front. Inside was Chris' familiar bubble writing.
Nick,
Much like you, I can't find the words to express how I feel. I'm going to let Neil Gaiman do it for me. This is John Dee, talking to Dream:
"People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes."**
Yours in dreams forever,
Chris
Nick's eyes widened as he read the card, the blue being clouded by the sudden formation of tears. Clearing his throat and shaking his head, he closed the card quickly, and opened the present. "Oh cool." New Playstation 2 games.
"What'd the card say?" Brian asked him softly.
"Nothing." He didn't quite understand the card himself, how was he going to explain it to Brian? Nick shoved the card into his pocket and stood up. "We leaving?"
"Yeah."
******************************************************
Chris lay curled up on her bed, surrounded by her Sandman trade paperbacks. She carried the books with her everywhere she traveled, along with a few other books, they were one of the things she could rely on to cheer her up. The world of the Endless, of Dream and Death was magical. Except she'd read too far into the series tonight, she was nearing the end. When it started to get depressing. She ran her finger over the print on the page, her eyes filling with tears.
"-On reflection, while I cannot give you the thing itself, I could give you a dream of my love.-I already have that, my lord."***
How appropriate. All Nuala ever wanted was the love of Dream, but he couldn't love her because of who he was, even though she was willing to change who she was for him. Fit well, right? She looked at the clock and groaned. She had to get to bed, it was going to be light out soon. She wasn't looking forward to actually turning off the light and sleeping...she hadn't been alone in a hotel room at night in nearly a month, it seemed like, and it wasn't going to be fun.
She flipped through the comic some more, as always, getting swept away in the beauty of the story, the depth of the characters. If only there was a Destiny who could step in and make sure she ended up with Nick. A Death who had made a conscious decision to leave Brian alone, not to return for a long, long time, so Brian wouldn't have to worry every birthday would be his last. There would be some confidence, knowing actual 'people' were looking over them. Instead, everything just felt like chaos.
Chaos. Partly Delirium's realm, probably partly Despair's, mostly Destruction's. The brother who ran away. Nick was Destruction for Halloween. In the comic, Destruction decided he didn't want to be an Endless anymore, he wanted his own life. So he left. Just like Nick left Chris. Completely.
He hadn't said more than two words to her in nearly a week. What happened to them being friends? Why was it, that just because they had sex, they couldn't be friends anymore? Or, was it as Leighanne said, saying the word "love" had changed everything?
Then why the fuck did they say it? Chris started putting the books away carefully, sealing each in its own plastic cover. Why didn't she realize that she would be ruining a friendship she desperately needed? Why didn't he?
Turning off the light, she huged the pillows tight, a poor representation of the body she wanted beside her. The voice she wanted to hear saying sweet dreams to her.
"Good night, Nicky." She whispered, and cried herself to sleep.
* from Neil Gaiman, "Dream County"
** from Neil Gaiman, "Preludes & Nocturnes"
*** from Neil Gaiman "The Kindly Ones"
**************************************************
Hehehe can you tell I love these comics? :) Read them NOW, everyone. The man writes poetry in comic form, I swear. :)
A Day in the Life Of...(Day 135) Columbus - Cleveland
"Morning," Chris handed Julia a cup of coffee as she climbed into the production truck.
"You're up early!" Julia accepted gratefully, looking at the time. "We don't roll out of here until noon, I figured you'd sleep in."
"Couldn't sleep." Chris sat down, pushing her hair back behind her ears. It was getting long, she hadn't had a haircut since before they left on tour. "The rough cut of the show done?"
"Yeah, but I need you to get a lot out of the confessions you have today and tomorrow. I have no voice-over, not much, anyway. Who's scheduled?"
Chris didn't need to check her pilot, she was all too aware who she'd be talking to today. "Today's Nick, tomorrow's Kevin."
"No wonder you couldn't sleep." Julia said comfortingly. "It'll be ok, just try to distance yourself from it. See the story."
"The story?" Chris looked at her friend, eyes wide with pain. "I AM the story. For the second time, now. Do you realize how awful that is?"
"Yeah, I do." Julia sighed. "Look for another angle then, you're going to have to keep Nick talking about himself, not you."
"But god, just asking him about the Caribbean..."
"It's going to be tough."
"Very."
****************************************
- Confession footage, Nick Carter, Day 135
Nick sits down at the couch, looks at Chris, eyes wide. "I wish we could turn all of these cameras off."
"You know I can't." Her voice soft, full of regret. Even without the actual 'confessional camera' on, there were others in the bus. There were always cameras.
"I know." He sits back, takes a deep breath. "Ok."
"Your birthday was yesterday, did you have fun?" Chris figured she'd start easy, work her way into the hard stuff.
"Oh yeah." He relaxes visibly, he can handle talking about this. As long as he doesn't look her in the eyes. "Last night, on stage, with everyone singing...that was amazing. I was just sitting there, looking around, thinking how many guys are lucky enough to have this happen, for their 21st birthday. I mean, I'm only 21. It's incredible. How much everyone cares...I love them all too. It was great."
"And you went out last night?"
"We went to a club, yeah. AJ picked it out, he always knows the good clubs. It was fun, that Robin girl, she can dance like AJ. We had fun, dancing most of the night. I drank too much though, was sick half the night." He rubs his tummy, smiles awkwardly.
Chris' heart goes out to him, if he was sick, he should have told her, she would have made him feel better... "I'm sorry."
"It was stupid, I knew I was drinking too much." "So," Chris knew she needed to change the subject. "Robin and Amy, did you get a chance to talk to them?" "Oh yeah," Nick smiled. "They're both really cool, and very talented. Robin's a dancer, Brian showed me the tape of the dance she choreographed. She's great. And Amy has an amazing voice, and wrote a really good song. It's fun having some new people around too," he looks down, examines the floor. "No offense to anyone, of course, just...things were getting uncomfortable."
Now as good as ever..."What happened in the Caribbean, Nick?"
Nick looks up quickly, brow furrowed. "What?"
"The Caribbean."
"You want me to talk about that?" He honestly had hoped she wouldn't ask him.
"I have to ask." She says apologetically. She didn't want to hear what he had to say, anymore than he wanted to say it.
"The Caribbean." He sighs, runs a hand through his hair. "I don't know what happened. I think I grew up there, somehow, I feel different now. I guess that's gotta be a good thing, I just don't understand why it has to hurt so much." He stares at the camera, knowing if it wasn't there he would be saying a thousand different things. "I wonder at times if I made a mistake."
"What's done is done, so they say, right?" So he thought they made a mistake too, huh.
"If you don't look back, how do you ever learn anything?" He asks softly, not expecting an answer. "Things were different before. I think they were better, before. But the Caribbean, that was the best." A smile slowly creeps over his face. "Definitely the best. But it's over now. All things must come to an end, I suppose, I just don't know if it was worth what I lost."
"Right." Her voice soft, a slight choke in it. She's fighting tears, she wants to hug him more than anything. But he'd said lost. Past tense. Over.
He continues, lost in his thoughts, not noticing Chris' reaction to his words. "When I first joined the group, I remember really well, Lou told us that we'd never be able to keep girlfriends on the road. We all laughed at him, well, I didn't care much about girls at that point, but I remember what he said well. He was right, you know, it's really damn hard. Not just the distance, but that every moment of your life on tour is consumed with the tour. It's like, when you finally get a chance to relax, do nothing, you kinda explode. Pent up energy, or something, making up for lost time, definitely. Going back on tour again is tough, I wanted to stay down there forever." He looks up at her, hoping she'll be able to tell what he's thinking, what he's dying to say.
"Me too." She says softly.
"I, um," he shifts on the couch, clearly trying to decide what to say. "um."
"What?"
"Nothing."
- End confession footage
*********************************************************
A Day in the Life Of... (Day 137) Cleveland - Cincinnati
Chris waited backstage in the reception area, watching the night's episode run on MTV. "Holy shit."
Julia walked in and found her staring at the TV. "What?"
"This was NOT the cut I saw." Chris couldn't believe what she'd just seen. It made her look like she'd done something awful to Nick, the way they'd cut from Brian yelling at her for not seeing him in pain to her blowing him off on stage, to him ignoring her, playing Quit Playing Games With My Heart, of all things, in the background. "This...I look like the bad guy, here."
"You're being silly, nobody's going to think that."
Chris shook her head, watching the episode. No question, Nick came off looking like a poor hurt boy, and she looked like the bad woman who'd taken advantage of him. Or something. Lovely. "I can't believe you changed it this much without showing me, you know better. This is just tacky, with that song?" She should have known letting Julia handle the guys' sign-offs was a mistake.
"I had to run it." Julia shook her head. "It's what the viewers want to see. You read our messageboards."
"They want to know that Nick's upset, and it's all my fault?"
"Oh yeah, Nick pulls heartstrings, Chrissy, you know that." She chuckled. "After all this time, don't forget who he is."
"How could I ever forget." Chris grumbled, getting up to go to the stage. "Jules, don't ever pull something like this over me again."
Julia nodded, watching her walk away. She had to hide it from Chris, she wouldn't have let it go otherwise. And if they didn't focus this episode on Nick, the only other possible main story would have been Kevin, and she just couldn't do that. Not as long as it was in her control, anyway. This way, people would mostly remember Nick from this episode. Couldn't put the Howie story front and center, it'd make it too big of a deal, make it look serious, otherwise she would have run with that. And people would remember Chris, Julia was sorry she had to sacrifice her friend that way, but she had to protect Kevin.
Nobody would even think twice about Kevin just arriving home at 4 am when he found Howie. Insignificant, given what else happened in the episode. She smiled to herself. Nicely done, right?
*********************************************************
"Nick, what's with you? You're playing like Kevin." Brian pinned Nick for the 10th time that night in Mortal Kombat Gold.
"Dunno. Just in a weird mood." He shrugged.
"Damn, Nick, we heard all these stories about you being so good at games, and look at this." Amy laughed. "Such a disappointment."
"Oh, I never disappoint, baby." He winked at Amy, laughing when she blushed bright pink.
"Someone get the poor girl a glass of water, she's going to burn up," Robin joked, throwing a pillow at her.
Amy glared at her friend, burying her head in her hands as she felt her face burn.
"I'm just teasing Amy, sheesh." Robin poked her gently. They'd just met the other day, but she felt like she'd known the other girl for years, they'd been up talking all night in the hotel room they shared. She definitely hadn't meant to upset her in front of Nick...
"I know." Amy looked up, and peeked a look at Nick. Thankful to see he was smiling at her, she sat back up. She really wasn't a 'Nicky' fan, per se, an AJ one, actually. But he was adorable when he smiled, and she'd seen it so rarely, except in pictures.
"You wanna try, Amy?" Nick held up the controller. "I bet you can beat Brian."
"I'm beat," Brian stood up to go to bed, and handed Amy his controller. "You play."
"Ok." Amy sat down next to Nick on the bed, without a clue how to play, not surprised when he promptly scored a fatality.
"You suck." He laughed, turning off the Dreamcast. He was trying to be nice, for Robin and Amy's sake, but his heart just wasn't in it. "I guess I'd better go to sleep."
"Teach me how to play sometime, then." Amy looked at him. "If you're so good, bet you can teach."
"I will." He got up and hugged Amy and Robin both good night. "See you two tomorrow."
He closed the door behind them, sneaking a peek at Chris' closed door. Elaine was outside, which meant she was inside. He wanted to go over there so badly, talk to her, hold her. Like he used to. With a sigh, he undressed, and got into bed. He wasn't sleeping so well anymore either, which was a new one for him. He rolled over and buried his head in the pillows, hating the cold, clean smell of hotel sheets, hotel rooms. It made you feel so alone.
In the darkness, he looked at his cell phone across the room and considered calling someone. But there wasn't really anyone to call, was there. He let out a ragged sigh, and waited for sleep to take him away. His in dreams, huh....maybe he would see someone there.
*********************************************
A Day in the Life Of... (Day 138) Cincinnati
Chris was watching a rather bad interviewer take her stab at the Backstreet Boys, when her cell phone vibrated against her hip. She walked out of the studio, putting it to her ear.
"Chris, Mike Riley."
"Hi Mike, what's up?" She made her way outside the building and leaned up against the wall. She noticed Elaine pointing around the corner, and saw a bunch of fans there. Nodding, she walked back in the other direction, keeping close to the wall.
"The overnights are in. Last night's episode broke all records, Chris, congratulations."
Chris sighed. Why was she not surprised. "Last night's episode wasn't the kind of television I like producing, Mike."
"Why? The idea of this show was to show these guys as real people, right? Prove to the world they weren't these picture perfect pretty boys. We're doing exactly that! So people know that Howie falls asleep in strange places, and Nick fucked up his relationship with you somehow. That's what we wanted to do, Chris."
"I guess."
"Nobody's going to think they're kids when the series is over, Chris. You're painting a full picture, these guys are acting just like everyone else in the world. That's a good thing."
"Yeah." She knew that 5 months ago she would have agreed with Mike. She'd probably put more emotionally wrenching stuff on the air, even, earlier in the show. Just now...it had all gotten far too personal. She needed to back off.
"How are Robin and Amy doing?"
"Great, I think the guys have liked having them along." The girls were meeting with the talent agents now, and Robin would be meeting with Fatima before the show tonight. They'd be off tomorrow morning, with flights back to Seattle and Orlando, respectively.
"You've gotten some good footage of them for the show as well, right?"
"Yup, it should make a cute bit."
"Great. Well, pass my congratulations on to the guys about the ratings, I'll talk to you later."
"Bye."
Chris shut the phone with a snap, shaking her head. She had what every producer wanted, a hit television show. Why did it have to feel like it was at the expense of her soul?
***********************************************
That night, everyone gathered for room service in the guys' suite as a final goodbye to the girls.
"To Robin and Amy, may all their dreams come true." Brian raised his glass in a toast.
"Thanks," Amy grinned, drinking her beer. She'd had an amazing time, and the agent she'd met with this morning had been really enthusiastic about her work. Kevin had even mentioned possibly working with her on one of her songs after the tour was over. The whole experience had been a dream come true, and she really felt like she'd made some good friends. "I've had so much fun."
"It's been fun having you here." Chris hugged Amy. She'd come to like the girls, and would miss having them around. Being around 5 men all the time could get to be a little...overwhelming.
Robin sat and watched the two hug, not feeling very happy. The agent had been semi-enthusiastic about her possibilities as a dancer, but had told her she was old to be trying to break into the business at 18 without any formal training, and would be better served looking for work as a choreographer. Fatima had told her much of the same thing, pointing to her own life as a dancer who loved teaching others to dance. Sure, Robin liked choreography, but she wanted to DANCE. She wanted people to watch her on stage, like they watched Chris dance with the guys. And she wasn't even a dancer. Robin forced a smile on to her face and nodded gratefully. "It's been a ton of fun." She would miss Amy, though, she was really cool. And the guys had been great.
"So you're both seniors in high school, right?" Kevin asked.
"Yup." Robin nodded, sipping her beer.
"Going to college next year?"
"I'm going to NYU, I think." Amy grinned. "Have until April to decide for sure."
"I went there!" Chris grinned. "You going to go to Tisch?"
"Yup, I love New York City too, I think it'd be great to be there." Amy nodded quickly with excitement. "And maybe even apply for transfer to Julliard...if I don't get in this year."
"Oh wow, that'd be great." Robin smiled. "I don't have anything as exciting planned, I'm afraid."
"What are you going to do when you graduate?" AJ moving to the window to smoke a cigarette.
"I'd been thinking about going to New York too, trying to make it as a dancer." She looked at the ground, feeling her eyes tear over. "Now I'm not so sure."
"Robin, what'd they say today?" Amy asked softly.
"Nothing," Robin shook her head. "Doesn't matter." She was going to enjoy her last night with the Backstreet Boys no matter what. She'd been a fan of theirs for far too long not to.
"You sure?"
"Hey, didn't I promise someone a Mortal Kombat lesson?" Nick looked at Amy, then towards the television. "Tonight's your last chance."
"Oooh, I guess I'd better go then." Amy stood up. "That ok, Robin?"
"Sure, have fun."
Nick and Amy headed off to his room for the game lesson.
"She's very talented." Kevin told the group, watching them walk away. "She has a song I'd love for us to do...I haven't mentioned it to her yet." He looks at Robin, "Please don't, I'm going to keep working with Amy, let me ask her in time."
"No problem." Robin nodded. Lucky Amy. Alone with Nick in his room now, and going to be working with Kevin. Too cool.
"That's great, Kevin." Chris smiled. She'd heard Amy's song, thought it was fantastic as well, but what did she know. It was wonderful to hear that someone who knew music appreciated it too.
"Where's Howie?" Robin asked. She'd hoped to get to say goodbye to him tonight.
"He was tired, said he was going to bed right after the show." Brian replied. "He's been looking kinda tired a lot lately, hasn't he."
AJ nodded quickly. "Yah, something's up."
"We saw how you found him on the show, Kev," Brian looked at his cousin. "Was he really just asleep?"
Kevin shrugged. "I swear, if he was on something, there was no visible sign of it. He was snoring like a baby, just, asleep."
"What do we do?" AJ stubbed out his cigarette and returned to the couch. "He's my best friend, man, and he won't talk to me."
"He's just going through a thing, I guess, he'll get over it." Kevin reassured him. "Just wait, he'll be ok."
"You been going through a thing too, Kev?" Brian asked sarcastically.
Kevin rolled his eyes. "Brian, I'm here, aren't I?"
"OK now, why don't we see what's on TV." AJ suggested loudly, grabbing the remote and flicking it on.
The group spent the rest of the night watching an 80's marathon on MTV, singing along with all the cheesy old music.
AJ was moonwalking across the floor when Brian finally stood up and yawned. "Alright, bedtime, Michael."
"Woohoo," AJ did his best Michael Jackson whistle while pulling Robin up into a hug. "Take care, kiddo."
"Thanks," she hugged him tight. Brian and Kevin also hugged her, and wished her luck.
"Here's my card," Chris handed her business card to the girl. "My cell phone number's on there, it's pretty much the only number I can be reached at these days, with the tour and all. Keep in touch, ok?" She hugged her. She'd seen how upset Robin had looked after talking to Fatima, and wanted to make sure she'd be ok.
"Ok." Robin accepted the card and smiled. "Thanks."
Chris headed back to her room, noticing the light still on in Nick's as she passed. Amy was still in there too, she could hear the laughter. She sighed, letting herself into her empty room, thinking. Amy was closer to Nick's age than she was, probably had more in common with him than she did. And she was a very attractive girl, no question, Nick was a lonely guy...maybe they'd be good for each other. Better for Nick than Chris was, anyway.
Chris sat down on the bed, shaking her head. She couldn't go thinking this way, she was going to drive herself nuts. Sleep. Just had to go to sleep. She quickly undressed and pulled on her pj's, thinking about what she was like at 18, compared to now. Where she thought she'd be now when she was 18. 10 years ago. God, when had she changed so much? The optimism, the shine in Amy and Robin's eyes, she used to have that. Nick used to have it too, it had only disappeared recently. Total happiness, without worry, was that what it was? She felt that in the Caribbean....she'd felt it before, too. It felt pretty far away now, though, near impossible to reach.
What did that mean?
Innocence, once lost, can never be regained.*
* Neil Gaiman, "Season of Mists"
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