Chris was standing in the arena parking lot, smoking a cigarette, cursing her cellphone, when Nick found her. "Oh, hey."
"What's wrong?" He'd heard her release a string of curses bad enough to make a sailor blush.
"Nothing," she shrugged, putting her phone away. "Just really wanted to talk to my best friend, and my phone can't keep a connection."
"Want to use mine?" Nick offered.
"Naw, thanks." Chris looked at her watch. "We should head inside anyway, it's show time."
"Do you know if Bill's coming with us to California?"
Chris looked at Nick closely, taking careful note of the glint in his eye. "I think he's going to be with us until we get to LA, yeah. Why do you ask?"
Nick grinned and shook his head. "You'll see."
"Sticking someone next to Bill on the flight isn't particularly original anymore," She pointed out. "Brian already got you with that one."
"That's not what I'm thinking." He shook his head again. "Give me more credit than that, Chrissy. I may need your help, though."
"What, to get back at Brian? No way, that's between the two of you." Chris pushed Nick back into the building. "Come on."
He grabbed her hand and walked inside, swinging their arms. "No, to get back at Julia."
"Aww, Nicky wasn't content with the scrunchie?" She teased as they walked into the backstage reception area, laughing. "But it was such a novel effort."
"How was I supposed to know she had so many." Nick wrinkled his nose at her, holding the door open for her.
"Hey." Chris called as she walked into the room, finding the other guys gathered there.
"Hey you two." Brian smiled. He was glad to see Nick and Chris together again, even if it was just as friends, they did each other good. "Bill here was just asking us if you're as hyper as they say."
"Who me?" Nick's eyes widened in a play at innocence. "Not at all."
"I'm taking that as a yes, then." Bill laughed and took his notes carefully. "He doesn't wear you out, Chris?"
Chris let out a squeak when Nick grabbed her in a tight bear hug, spinning her around the room. "Only when he does that," she laughed, pushing him away. "What has gotten into you tonight?"
"You of all people should know by now, Chris, we had a roadtrip today." Kevin explained. "You make Nick sit for too long, this is what happens that night."
She nodded slowly. "I forgot." The confessional with Howie had gone well, so well, in fact, that the long road trip had just flown by. "It went quickly."
"Hopefully tomorrow's flight will go as quickly." Nick shuddered. "It's six hours to California."
"Don't I know it." AJ looked up as his mom walked into the room and gestured to them all. "Meet and greet time everyone."
"Time for the dog and pony show," Kevin groaned, following Denise out the door."
"It's curtain time and away we go, another openin of another show..."
*****************************************
A Day in the Life Of... (Day 184) San Francisco - Los Angeles
Confession Footage, AJ McLean, Day 184
AJ sits down on the couch with none of his usual hoopla, looks into the camera. "Hi."
"You alright?" Chris' voice from off-camera.
"It's a lot easier when we don't have to do these after a concert." He takes off his sunglasses, rubs his eyes. "I'm tired."
"What'd you do today?"
"Same thing as I do every day...try to take over the world." His voice is soft, no humor in the joke. "Sorry, tired."
"Tell me why you're tired, AJ."
"Because I just was dancing on stage for two fucking hours, and now we have an eight hour road trip, for the next hour of which I'm stuck in here with you." He turns to glare off camera.
"Sorry."
"It's not your fault." He shrugs, leans back into the couch. "As I said, I'm just tired...let's get this over with so I can get back on my bus and go to sleep, ok?"
"Want some coffee?"
"Just ask me the goddamn questions, Chris." AJ snaps, his patience running thin.
"So AJ, why did you do what you did last Friday night?"
"And there's the million dollar question." He snorts, looks into the camera. "Well, America, I did what I did last Friday night because I didn't know what the fuck else to do. My friends were falling apart around me, and I didn't see any other way to stop it. The only way I could see to end it was to drag it all out into the open."
"Did it work?"
"I think so." He nods slowly, thinking carefully. "Howie definitely seems a lot better. Brian's stressing less, which is good, he's gotta learn he can't solve every problem. Kevin's trying to be civil again, which is something. Nick's getting along with you, which is a good thing," he looks off camera, "Right?"
"Right. What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Are you doing better?"
AJ looks up at the ceiling for a moment. "I'm not terrified my world's going to fall apart around me anymore, so yeah, I guess I must be."
"You'd mentioned feeling numb before...still feeling that?"
"Yeah. But that's ok." His face is sad, his expression grim. "Until the tour's over, it's probably better if I just stay numb. There's no time to deal with this stuff on tour, ya know?"
"You're not lonely?"
"I was lonely when I was still with Amanda too." AJ says softly. "I think you're better off lonely alone, at least."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, there are two kinds of lonely. The lonely when you're in a relationship, and the lonely when you're not. I think it's better to be alone and lonely....at least it doesn't make you feel so awful."
"How so?"
"When you're with someone and still feeling lonely it digs at you, you wonder what the fuck you're doing wrong. Does the other person feel lonely too, how can you fix it. When it's just you, it's easy, you know why you're lonely and you deal with it."
"How do you deal with it?"
"I get up on stage every night and sing." He smiles grimly. "For the hour or so I'm on stage every night, I'm not alone."
"What about the other guys?"
"They all have their own problems to deal with, they don't need me in their way."
"It seems to me like you guys spend a lot of time trying to stay out of each others' way."
"What do you mean?" His head jerks up to look at the camera.
"I just mean...Nick's said almost the exact same thing."
"What did Nick say?"
"That everyone else has their own stuff to deal with, they don't need him in their way."
His head shakes slowly. "That's Nick for you, always jumping the gun."
"AJ..."
"What can I say? Life on tour is busy."
"Maybe you think it's busier than it is?"
"What, so I should go talk to Nick?" He laughs. "I should be giving you that advice."
"No, just, I mean," Chris stammers. "You guys all worry so much about each others' feelings...maybe you just need to stop being so careful?"
"It's when we stop being careful that people get hurt, isn't it? No way, enough people have been hurt this tour." His jaw is set, his voice solemn. "All I wanna do is get through the rest of this. Then we can pick up the pieces."
--End confession footage
***********************************
"You have a bed on this bus?" AJ looked around the tour bus as they waited for the next rest stop.
"The couch." Chris points.
"We have another seven hours to go, you're going to sleep on a couch?" He raised an eyebrow, examined her carefully. "You're coming onto the bus with me."
"You're nuts." She laughed. "There are already five guys on that bus, why on earth would I want to join you?"
"Because I know one guy who'd be willing to share his bed with you." AJ winked. "And if he won't, you can always share mine."
"I can't, AJ."
"Chris, you're exausted. So am I. We've been working non-stop since we hit California Tuesday night, and we all need some solid sleep. I know as well as you do that you're not going to sleep in this bus." He stood up as the bus shuddered to a stop, and held his hand out to her. "Coming?"
"Fine," she put her hand in his and followed him off the bus. "But if anyone says anything, I'm leaving."
AJ jumped onto the tour bus parked next to hers, banging the door. "Honey, I'm home."
"Shut up Bone, some of us are trying to sleep." Kevin yelled from the back of the bus, a flying pillow accompanying the shout.
"I brought company, cover up yer privates." AJ hollered, pulling Chris onto the bus. "Nicky, where are you?"
"What?" Nick was sitting on the couch in their little living room area, Playstation controller in hand. "Oh, hey Chris."
"I figured Chrissy here deserved to sleep in a bed." AJ looked at Nick pointedly. "Figured someone wouldn't mind sharing his."
Nick looked at AJ, mouth hanging open for a moment, until clarity struck him. "Oh, yeah, Chris, you can sleep with me."
"Thanks, Nicky." Chris sat down next to him on the couch. "What are you playing?"
"Same as always, finishing this game is gonna take forever." He pointed to the screen. "Final Fantasy. You tired?"
"I'm going to bed, good night you two," AJ waved and made his way to his bunk, happy with what he'd done. The way he saw it, Chris and Nick were clearly meant to be together, and if it took some pushing on his part, so be it...
"Yeah." Chris nodded. "It's been a long day."
"Ok." Nick shut off the playstation, then hesitated. "We'll be in LA soon."
"Yup." She nodded. "I hate LA."
"Me too. My family's in LA."
"Are you going to see them?" Chris asked, looking at him carefully for a reaction.
Nick nodded slowly, turning to face her. "I'm really nervous."
"Why?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. I haven't seen them in a while, and it's been a long time since I've even talked to BJ or Angel...I dunno..."
"I bet they can't wait to see you." She smiled, trying to get him to smile too.
Nick's face fell as he whispered, "I hope I won't disappoint them."
"Oh Nick," Chris wrapped her arms around his back and hugged him tight, "you won't ever disappoint them." Why was he so damn insecure when it came to his family??
"I'm not...." His voice trailed off.
"You're not what?"
"..something to be proud of." He finished in a soft sob, burying his head in her hair.
"Why on earth would you say that?" Chris exclaimed as quietly as possible, turning her head to look Nick in the eyes. "You're one of the top recording artists in the world, Nick, that's not something to be proud of?"
"Yeah, but I'm just part of a group....Aaron..he's on his own, ya know? All by himself. That's more..."
"That's not more, Nick, just different. It's not any easier."
"And look at me, I can't even keep a girlfriend, why would my family want me..." he looked away from her, staring at the floor as his eyes filled with tears.
"Nick!" Chris couldn't help the gasp. "Stop it right now."
"What!"
"You can have nearly any girl you want, and you know that."
"Not the girl I want." Nick replied mournfully, wiping his eyes. "It doesn't matter anyway, it's not like Mom liked Mandy all that much, I think she just liked me having a girlfriend."
"Nick..."
He stood up with a snort. "Maybe when she asks me why I'm single, I'll tell her the truth. Wouldn't that drive her nuts."
Chris pushed herself up from the couch and walked to Nick, wrapping her arms around his back. "Nicky, there's nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend."
"To my mother, there is." He shrugged off her arms and pointed to his bunk. "That's mine." He looked at her, "you want a shirt to sleep in?"
"Oh," Chris looked at her clothes. She hadn't even thought about that. "Sure, thanks."
Nick pointed her to the bathroom and waited while she changed. "You should probably get in first, it's going to be tight."
Chris climbed into the bunk and settled in, he wasn't kidding when he said it would be tight. She barely fit in here, how was he going to fit in as well? She watched as he crawled into the bed, rearranging their bodies until she was lying half on top of him, his body serving as a full-size pillow for hers.
"You comfortable?" He whispered in her ear as he pulled the curtain shut, giving them a little bit of privacy.
Chris was in heaven, although she'd never admit that to herself, much less to Nick. His body surrounding hers was driving her crazy, the smell of him everywhere around her overpowering. "Comfy." Was all she could say, snuzzling his chest with her nose, inhaling his scent.
His hand found her head in the darkness and tangled in her hair, stroking it down her back. "I'm glad AJ brought you over here. You've always been welcome, you know. And I'm glad we got a chance to talk a little tonight."
She laughed lightly. "I've been on tour with you guys for how long, and this is the first time I've ever slept in here."
"Never asked." Nick smiled, bending down to lightly kiss her forehead. "I sleep better with you, you know."
"Me too." Chris wrapped her arms around his chest, hugging him tight. "Good night, Nicky."
"Sweet dreams, Chrissy."
*********************************************************
A Day in the Life Of... (Day 185) Los Angeles
"Wake up, sleepyheads."
"What?" Chris woke up with a start to the smell of coffee, and someone yelling in her ear.
"Wake up, sleepyheads!" Brian poked his head into the curtain. "We're almost in LA, get up."
"Getting up," Chris looked down at Nick, still sound asleep, and smiled. She'd had one hell of a dream last night, a good one, for once, and felt completely rested. "Wake up, Nicky," she ran a finger down the side of his face, continuing down his chest until he jerked awake.
"Morning." He looked up at her through sleepy eyelids, smiling. "Sleep well?"
"Very." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Time to get up." She slid off the bunk, joining the rest of the guys by the couch. "I smelled coffee?"
"Here," Kevin handed her a cup.
"Thanks," She accepted it and sat down next to AJ on the couch. "A day off in LA, you all have plans?"
"I'm seeing my family." Nick poured himself a cup of coffee with a grimace. He couldn't stop thinking about it, dreading it, almost. "It'll be interesting."
"Want some company, Frack?" Brian offered. He knew how hard it could be for Nick to see his parents and siblings, the infrequent meetings only served to remind him of how little time he got to spend with them.
"No thanks, I'll be ok." Nick shrugged. "You go have fun today."
"What are you doing today, Chris?" Brian asked.
"Julia and I have to finish editing the show." Chris sighed. "I think I'm going to go check into the hotel, drink some coffee, and then get to work."
"Disneyworld." AJ nodded. "Definitely Disneyworld."
"I'm in." Howie told AJ.
"I guess," Brian shrugged.
"Look out Disneyworld, here we come!"
******************************************************
Chris was sitting in her hotel room, coffee pot on the nightstand, CNN on tv, unable to concentrate. She looked at the phone, then at the clock. It was three hours earlier in Boston.... With a sigh she picked it up and dialed, jumping when she heard the hello on the other end. "Lisa?"
"Chris?"
"Finally!" She shouted into the phone. "I have been trying to reach you forever!"
"Like you're so easy to reach yourself." Lisa laughed. "So what's up, chickie? How are the Backstreet Boys?"
"Have you seen the Internet lately?" Chris asked.
"Yeah, Howie the Crack Head, I've seen. I'm guessing that's not the truth though."
"Naw, he has a problem with sleeping pills. The episode will air tomorrow night. But Li, it was so weird, Julia and I were all set to bury all that footage, and they wouldn't let us."
"Really?"
"Yeah, there's more that's in the episode beyond just Howie, every single one of us had some dirty laundry aired. And we're showing it."
"What's the dirt?" Lisa couldn't help but ask. "Gotta know the scoop, of course."
"Um...Kevin's affair with Julia, AJ's broken up with his girlfriend, Nick's been sleeping around, Brian's got some weird sort of a god complex."
"Lovely."
"Are you getting the weird thing here? I didn't want to air it!" Chris' frustration was apparent in her voice.
"Well, I gotta give them a lot of respect, then."
"What do you mean?"
"Think about it, Chris, not airing it may be the humane thing to do, and I'm very glad to hear you didn't want to, but for them, they're doing the right thing." Lisa was impressed by their professionalism for insisting the footage be aired.
"You think?"
"Sure, you shouldn't ever lie to the public."
"I guess."
"So how's Nick? Sleeping around, huh?"
"He hasn't done it in a few weeks, or so he tells me. Did you see the last episode?"
"Yeah, that kiss, damn Chris..."
"Yeah. I'm not quite sure what 'I'll wait for you' means either."
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"He said something last night...like he can't have the girl he wants. But he was talking about his ex-girlfriend, so I dunno.."
"I highly doubt he was talking about her, didn't you tell me she beat him?"
Chris sighed. "Yeah, but he's gone running back to her before...he tried to a couple months ago, even."
"You should stop him!"
"Really?"
"Chris, if the woman BEATS him, he can't go back to her." Lisa was adamant. "You have to keep him from doing that."
"Well, his family's in LA, so he'll be kept busy."
"After he's done with his family, talk to him...really talk to him, not when you're not sure if he's talking about you or the ex."
"I can't, Li..."
"Why not, Chris?"
"He's such a flirt, I can't think when he does that."
"Come on, Chris, he's just a guy. Just don't let him flirt and talk to him."
"Lisa, you know what Nick looks like, he's not just a guy."
Lisa's laugh could be heard loud and clear across the contintent. "He's a pasty faced blondie, not exactly my type. Or yours, actually, it's very strange that he has this effect on you."
"Yeah, I know." Chris looked up at a knock on her door. "I should go, someone's at the door."
"If it's Nick, would you talk to him?"
"And tell him what?"
"You want to know what he's waiting for. Or else just tell him you want to fuck him and get it over with."
"Thanks, Li. You always give such good advice." Chris said sarcastically.
"Love ya chickie."
Chris hung up the phone and opened the door, finding Nick on the other side. "Hey...I thought you'd have left to meet your family already?"
"They're coming to get me here." He stood there, looking at her, biting his lip. "Can I come in?"
"Of course," She shut the door behind him, sitting down next to him on the bed. "What's wrong?" When Nick was quiet like this...it could only mean something was wrong.
Nick shook his head slowly. "I'm not sure."
"What do you mean?"
"I told you last night, I'm nervous about seeing my family... I feel like Aaron's going to take one look at me and know I'm not who he wants me to be...he's going to be so dissapointed in me." Nick's voice trailed off to a whisper. "I want him to be so much more than I am...how do I tell him that?"
"Nick, you have nothing to be ashamed of," Chris hugged him tight. Why was it Nick's family always set him off like this? What kind of people were they?? "Aaron's your brother, he loves you."
"I don't want Aaron to love me because he has to, Chris!" Nick cried, his eyes filling with tears. "I want to be something he can be proud of."
"Nick, you are someone for Aaron to look up to, and be proud of! You're a wonderful, loving, caring man, who's also part of one of the best selling groups of all-time. Now, that seems to me like it's something to be proud of, right?"
"If I'm so wonderful, and I'm so great, why don't you love me?"
Chris stared at him in shock. Oh god, why'd he have to say that... "Nick..."
"If you won't love me, why would Aaron? Why would anyone?" Nick stood up, running his hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have come here, this was a mistake."
"Nick, wait," Chris grabbed his arm, pulling him from the door. "I do love you."
"Just not enough." Nick shrugged off her grasp and opened the door, charging into the hall and barreling down a young boy. "Oh shit, sorry."
"Nick?" The blond kid on the ground looked up in astonishment. "Nick!"
"Aaron!" Nick gasped when he saw his brother on the ground, his face breaking into a smile. "Hey!" He picked him up from the ground, grabbing him in a tight bear hug. "I've missed you soo much!"
"I've missed you too." Aaron hugged his brother tight, smiling from ear to ear. "And I have so much to tell you, touring is so cool!"
"I bet, I want to hear all about it." Nick put his brother back down on the ground with a grin. "Where's everyone else?"
"BJ and Angel and everyone are out in the car, they sent me in to get you."
"Ok." Nick looked up and saw Chris still standing in the doorway. "Oh, Aaron, this is Chris."
"Hey!" Aaron grabbed Chris' hand and pumped it wildly. "I see you on the show!"
"You watch the show?" Nick's face drained of color as he stared at Aaron. "You're not supposed to be seeing that stuff..."
"Mom doesn't know, she thinks I'm asleep. Anyway, I see you on the show, and I like you with Nick." Aaron told Chris.
Chris looked at Aaron and smiled. He was so cute, a perfect miniature of Nick, attitude and all. "I like Nick too."
"I know. I can tell." Aaron looked her over. "Are you coming to lunch with us?"
"No," Nick took Aaron's hand. "We should get going, if they're all waiting in the car."
"Have fun, you two." Chris waved them off.
"Nick, she's pretty," Aaron told Nick as they walked away.
"Yeah, I know." Nick laughed, swinging his brother around a corner. "Trust me, I know."
************************************************
A Day in the Life Of... Day 185 Los Angeles
Chris sat in the hotel suite with Julia, waiting for the guys to arrive so she could screen the show. "They're late."
"They're always late." Julia shrugged. "Nothing new."
"I want to get this over with." She sighed. She'd seen the final cut of the show, and while it was definitely a good, compelling episode that brought home how difficult life on tour could be, it was also showing things that she felt were personal...too personal to be on MTV. And nothing would change that feeling.
"You didn't happen to see Nick today, did you?"
"Not since this morning, he was with his family all day. Why?"
Julia smiled wryly. "Someone put a clothes hanger on my room door and left a tray outside with all sorts of used goodies, like an empty condom box. They just happened to leave it out there at the precise moment this morning when Bill showed up to interview me, of course."
Chris couldn't help but laugh. "So he found all that?"
"Yeah, the condom wrappers, an empty champagne bottle, whipped cream can." She shook her head. "I had a hell of a time explaining to Bill that it was all Nick's fault, and not because I in any way used any of those things."
"Nick had mentioned getting back at you." She grinned, "I guess that was it."
"It's my turn now, I gotta come up with something good." Julia looked up as Brian stuck his head into the room. "We're meeting here."
"Cool." He walked in, camera crew in tow, and handed both Chris and Julia a set of Mickey Mouse ears. "You guys missed a fun time today."
"Thanks! We had work to do, unfortunately." Chris put the ears on with a smile. "Where's everyone else?"
"Kev, AJ and Howie are right behind me. Nick's not coming, he called, said he would be spending tonight with his parents. It shouldn't be a big deal though, he said he can always sign the release before the show tomorrow night." Brian sat down and relaxed in the chair. "It isn't a big deal, right?"
"Shouldn't be." Chris nodded. "I can always show it to him tomorrow sometime." Things must be going well for Nick, then, if he was going to spend the night at their house. Good.
Brian turned to look at Julia. "Julia...before the rest of them get here...Kevin..."
"Brian, please," Julia turned her face away.
Chris stared at Julia. "What's Brian talking about?"
"You know Kristen left the tour again." Brian said.
"Yeah..."
Chris gasped quietly. She hadn't known that...
"I think it's because she figured out who Kevin's been cheating on her with."
The silence was deafening.
Brian shook his head. "Julia, I know."
"You can't know!" Julia exclaimed, jumping up. "No!"
"I know Kevin."
"He swore he wouldn't tell anyone," her face fell, and her eyes sought out Chris'. "I'm so sorry."
Chris sighed. So she had been sleeping with Kevin all along, and was now breaking up his marriage. Great. "How could you..."
"I didn't mean to..." Julia jumped in surprise when Howie, AJ and Kevin made their way into the room. "Oh, hi."
"Hi," Chris waved.
"I'm going to go, you don't need me here to watch the show," Julia pointed towards the door.
"I want to talk to you later." Brian told her.
"Yeah, sure," she waved and left, closing the door behind her.
"Did we walk in on something?" Howie asked, sitting down next to Brian.
"Nope," Chris shrugged, and grabbed the remote control. "Ready everyone? And here we have yet another episode of A Day in the Life Of."
**************************************************
Brian caught up with Kevin as soon as the screening was over, "we need to talk."
"Saint Brian on patrol again?" Kevin sneered. "No thanks."
"What is with you?" Brian shook his head. "Come on, I'll buy you a drink, if it'll keep you in one place long enough so we can talk."
"Ok, ok, if it'll get you off my back for a while." Kevin conceded. The two made their way to the hotel bar, and, after a cursory scan for fans, sat down and ordered two beers. "And nothing's with me, Bri, it's just late in the tour, you know how it gets."
"Not this bad, Kev, not to mention the whole mess with Julia."
Kevin shot a glance at the cameras surrounding them, "Brian..."
"Kristen knows you've been having an affair with Julia, that's why she left, isn't it?"
Kevin nodded slowly. "She wanted me to have Julia thrown off the tour."
"Are you still seeing Julia?"
He nods again.
"Don't you love Kristen?"
Kevin looked at Brian, "How can you ask that? Of course I do."
"Then how can you sleep with Julia?" Brian can't understand it....if you're in love, how can you want anyone else?
"When Kristen's not here, I get lonely..."
"Kristen WAS here, Kevin, she left because you're sleeping with Julia."
Kevin shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "I love Kristen. But there's something about Julia..."
"You can't do that to people, Kevin, and especially to someone you've already gone and married." Brian said, the disappointment clear in his voice. "How can you treat Kristen like this? Or Julia, what did she ever do to you?"
"Julia gets exactly what she wants out of our relationship," Kevin laughed. "Sex. That's ALL it is, Brian, nothing more."
"It doesn't matter, Kevin, you're married! Forsake all others...sound familiar to you?"
"We're on tour. Everything's fucked up on tour."
"You have to end it with Julia or you won't have a wife to go back to when the tour's over, Kev."
"What Kristen doesn't know won't hurt her."
Brian groaned, looked at his cousin. "You're gonna pray she doesn't watch this episode?"
Kevin looked up, finished his drink and laughed. "I guess." He turned to look into a camera, "sorry hun, just kidding," then stood up. "I'm gonna go to bed."
"Your own, I hope." Brian threw some money down on the table to pay for their drinks and stood up. "We're not done talking, you know, but I guess I'll take what I got so far. Have a good night, Train."
"Night, Brian."
***************************************************
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