Nick didn’t leave my side again after that day. Every moment we spent together was filled with magic, with laughter and smiles and undefined love. But around every moment was also the hint of fear. Nick may have come to terms with my impending death but he still feared it. I saw it in his eyes, at the edge of his smile. He was still scared of the end, of losing me, of the pain that awaited us. I hated that but I couldn’t change his heart. His fear was his own, his to feel and his to face.
Despite the fear though we had magic. Our days were spent in love and laughter and our nights in each other’s arms. Some nights we fell asleep in my apartment and others we drifted into dreams in his house. Yet we never made love. Nick said he wanted our first time together to be perfect, to be filled with passion and magic and love like nothing he could find the words to describe.
Our days though were just as beautiful. Theme parks, picnics, movies, dances, jump rope, swings, kisses, holding hands. We lived like we had never lived before. We lived in love.
“Oh Nick, look,” I squealed nearly two weeks later as we walked through the park.
“What?” he asked, smiling at my enthusiasm. He said he would always love most the way I loved everything.
“It’s a hot air balloon. Let’s take a ride,” I said, grinning up at him.
“No thanks, goldie locks. I’m not much for drifting aimlessly through the air,” he answered.
“So drift aimlessly with me, sunshine.”
“When I am with you I always have direction,” he said, kissing me softly.
“Then take a ride with me,” I pleaded, looking up at him. He stared at me for a moment then smiled.
“All right.”
“I love you!”
“I love you more,” he answered as I took off running towards the balloon.
A few minutes later we were high up in the sky looking down at the world below.
“There’s so much down there,” I whispered to Nick as we look at it all.
“And we are going to see and do it all,” he promised, holding on to me.
“Would you believe I use to be afraid of heights?” I confessed, laughing.
“Then how can you do this?”
“There’s too much to see from up here to waste time being afraid of falling. It’s like not holding a puppy because it might bite. So many things to see and hear and yet never have to stop and join, to interrupt it just to be a part. You see, sunshine, sometimes living life to it’s fullest means letting a few things happen while you only watch,” I said, smiling at the sight of what I guessed to be a family reunion picnic.
“You are amazing.”
“If I’m so amazing why haven’t you introduced me to your friends or you family?”
He looked at me, brow knitted together in confusion. My question had surprised him, but more importantly it had surprised me. I don’t know where it came from or why I asked, but now that the question had been spoken I wanted to hear his answer.
“I don’t know. Maybe because I didn’t want to share you,” he finally answered.
“Not even with Aaron?” I asked, mentioned the little brother he adored.
“I didn’t know you wanted to meet them.”
“I have a place in your heart, sunshine, but I would like to know the people who hold all the other places,” I said, touching his chest where his heart lay beneath.
“Promise not to go falling in love with any of my friends?”
“Promise,” I answered, laughing.
I watched him pull out his cell phone and dial some numbers. A moment later he spoke into the phone.
“Hey man, how’s it going? It’s all good. Listen, do me a favor and call all the guys for me. Tell them dinner at my place tomorrow night. Got it? Good, yeah thanks man. I owe you one,” he said, hanging up. “So what do you say, goldie locks? Dinner with five handsome men tomorrow night?”
“Sounds magical,” I answered, kissing him.
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