“Telling us you’re what?” A.J. asked, staring at me like I was crazy.
“I’m going to die,” I repeated, sitting up slowly though still in Nick’s arms.
“What are you talking about, Riley?” Howie asked.
“I have a brain tumor that is slowly killing me,” I explained. “I suffer from headaches, dizziness, weakness, and a few other things that hinder every day life sometimes.”
“Oh my God,” Kevin said, his green eyes boring into mine.
“Not exactly what you expected to hear from Nick’s new girlfriend, right?” I teased, smiling.
“Riley, we’re so sorry,” Brian said.
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?” he asked, looking at me like I was crazy.
“Why are you sorry I’m going to die? You’re going to die too. All of you will someday. I just happen to be doing it sooner than I originally planned. There’s nothing to be sorry about,” I said.
“You’re dying, Riley. How can you be so happy about it?” A.J. asked.
“Oh, trust me, tattooed wonder. I am not happy about this, not at all. I’m not going to waste the time I have though mourning something that can’t be changed. I don’t know when I’m going to die but I’m not going to spend the time I have crying over the end or regretting a lifetime of things that I never did,” I explained.
“That’s why you’re such a free spirit. The fountain, the food fight, swimming tonight, its you doing everything while you can,” Brian said, his eyes lighting as the knowledge sunk in.
“Exactly. My life is my gift for how ever long I have left to enjoy it and I’m not going to waste it missing out a thousand joys because someone said you just don’t do this or that’s not proper or that is not lady like. There are too many miracles in the world,” I said, smiling at Nick before I kissed him gently. “If I hadn’t have been in that fountain I may not have met Nick or any of you.”
“Why are you telling us this?” Howie asked, softly.
“Because Nick is still afraid of the end. He’s accepted what I can give him now but he still fears what’s going to happen when my time is up. I need you guys to know what you are going to face with him,” I answered. “I see it in your eyes, sunshine. Don’t deny it,” I said, looking back at up at Nick.
“I just found you,” he said, and I saw the tears glisten in his eyes.
“And you’ll never lose me,” I promised, smiling at him. “I’m your star, Nick. Even when you can’t see me, I’ll still be here.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” I said just before he kissed me.
“Come on guys. Let’s head home,” Kevin said, standing up. “I want to call Kristen.”
“Yeah, Leighanne’s probably waiting for me,” Brian said as he rose as well.
One by one they stood, brushing the sand from their still damp bodies and slowly they began to dress again.
“You guys don’t have to leave,” I said.
“Yes, we do. We’ve got some people we need to spend some time together with,” Howie said.
“Riley, girl you know if you need any one of us we will be here for you,” A.J. said, squatting in front of me.
“What I need from you is a hand to hold when I got get my tattoo. What do you say? You and Nick feel up to another visit and watching me suffer?” I teased, smiling.
“Call me and let me know when and I am there girl,” he promised.
Then in silence Nick and I watched them leave to go home back to the homes and the people they loved and were loved by. When the last taillight faded I looked up at Nick to see the tears spilling down his face.
“Oh, sunshine. Please don’t cry for me,” I begged, wrapping my arms around him.
“I’m not,” he choked out.
“Nick, you’re getting my shoulder wet. I think it’s safe to say you’re crying,” I teased, trying to get him to smile.
“I’m not crying for you though,” he explained.
“Then why the tears?”
“I’m crying for me. For the lifetime I’ll never have with you, the kids we will never raise, the dreams we will never live, the life I will have alone without you,” he cried into my shoulder. “I can’t cry for you. You’re doing everything in you want to and you’re so happy. I can’t cry for you when your life is filled with so much joy, Riley. I’m crying for myself though because I’ll never be the same without you when you go. I’ll be alone without your magic.”
I felt the tears burn my eyes then. I hadn’t cried but one time since learning of my tumor. Then I had grabbed hold of life without both hands and no regrets. Now I cried for the man in my arms though, the man who wasn’t losing his life but was losing the woman he loved and somehow that seemed far worse then the fate I faced.
We stayed on the beach all night that night, crying and holding each other. Facing fear, admitting sorrow, hoping for forever, we held each other as the stars shined above us twinkling off the water. Then in silence we watched the sun come up. The dawning of a new day, a second chance, a new beginning. We had a lifetime to live. We just had no way of knowing how long that lifetime would be.
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