“What are you doing?”
I looked up the patterns I was drawing in the sand to see A.J. standing above me.
“I’m trying to find some answers to the questions I promised myself I would never ask,” I answered, tossing the stick I was using away.
A.J. dropped himself in the sand next to me and look at me over the tops of his sunglasses.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I’m so confused and I don’t know what direction to move in anymore. I thought loving and being loved was supposed to be the answer to it all. Now I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Well the rest of the guys think you’re crazy for even thinking about it.”
“Gee, thanks, A.J. That made me feel just so much better,” I bit back.
“Riley, we love you. All of us love you. They only want the best for you two, sweetheart. They think a child is the opposite of that. They honestly believe it will only make it all the harder on Nick and they don’t think you can carry one and they have no idea who you would ask to carry a baby for you. They love you, Riley, and because of that they are doing what they think is best for you,” A.J. declared, defending his friends.
“Everyone seems to think me not having a baby is the best thing for me except me,” I answered.
“And me. Have you talked to Pollyanna yet?”
“What do I say to her, A.J.? ‘Would you mind carrying the child I’m not going to live to see even though right now my husband can’t stand the thought?’ Sounds like something I would jump right into,” I said, rolling my eyes at my own sarcasm.
“Honey, I know these aren’t the wises words to say in you situation but maybe for just today you can let it go. Take your mind off of it and think of something else?” he suggested, taking my hand and holding it.
“Like what?”
“Like your birthday.”
I looked up at him in surprise. “How did you know it was my birthday?”
“Nick has a bigger mouth then me. He told the guys this morning and well, you know I am one of the guys,” he teased, smiling. “So this makes you twenty, right?”
“Right. So what are you going to do about it, tattooed wonder?” I teased, smiling for the first time that day.
“Well, I thought maybe a little party to celebrate,” he answered, standing and brushing the sand from his clothes.
“A party on such short notice?”
“Starlight, we are famous for our parties no matter how short the notice,” he answered, offering me his hand.
I took it and he pulled me up. I smiled at him and simply stood staring at him for a moment. I loved my husband, heart and soul, but A.J., he filled this place inside of me. He was so much of what I never thought I could be before and he understood so much of what went on in my heart and in my head.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking at me and I saw the hint of fear in his eyes.
He and the others would always be scared of every moment we faced together because it could be our last. I hated that he would always look at me like that every moment I became serious or quiet, but I knew I could never change that either. Fear was something they all had to face their own way.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just thinking about how lucky I am. You’re my best friend, A.J. You know that, don’t you?” I asked him.
“Yeah, sweetheart. I know and you know you’re mine, right?”
“I know,” I said, kissing his cheek. “So tell me about this party you’ve planned.”
“Who said I planned a party, darlin’? All I said was we were having one,” he answered, grinning as we walked toward the house.
“You mean you don’t have this thing planned?” I asked, looking at him.
“Aside from knowing it’s for you, not a thing.”
“A.J.,” I groaned around a smile.
“Come on sweet thing. Let’s go have a party.”
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