“Please don’t give up on him, Riley,” Pollyanna begged, moving towards me.
“Oh, Polly! I would never give up on him, but I saw it in his eyes. He loves you so much and he’s scared. He’s really terrified of losing you and I understand that. After Caroline his fear is very real and it’s even justified. His fear is all very deep and very painful and it’s because of that. It’s because of that fear though that I know he’s gone,” I answered, taking her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sorry, Pollyanna.”
“Don’t be sorry, Riley. It’s a waste of emotion to feel sorrow. You taught me that. He may have hurt you just now in his pain and he may be gone now, but Howie’s my brother and I know him better than anyone else. He’ll be back.”
“Maybe, but not before I’m gone,” I answered. Then I turned to face the remaining men. “What about the rest of you? Are you planning on hating me because of this too?”
“I don’t think this is the best decision, Riley, but if this makes you and Nick happy then I’m there for you,” Kevin said, giving me a gentle hug.
“I’m with Kev on this one, Riley. I don’t agree with the choice, but I’ll support you no matter what,” Brian added, smiling as he hugged me as well.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me and I know it means the world to Nick,” I said, smiling at the two of them. “What about you, tattooed wonder?” I asked, A.J.
“Sweetheart, you know where I stand on this. It’s where I’ve been standing since the very beginning. I’m right by your side no matter what. She’ll be one hell of a beautiful little girl,” A.J. said, smiling gently at me as he took my hand.
“You mean he’ll be one hell of a handsome little boy, don’t you?” I teased.
“No way, darlin’. She’ll be a girl. Trust me on this one,” he answered, grinning as he hugged me.
“Either way this baby is going to be so loved and so lucky. He or she will never even know I’m not there.”
“Don’t say that, Riley. Don’t ever say that,” Nick cut in. “You will be as much a part of this baby’s life as any of us, me, Polly, anyone else. And you will be just as alive as we are to this child. I will never let you be any less.”
“We will never let you be any less,” A.J. corrected.
I smiled at all of them and felt my heart swell with love. My friends, my angels. Did the rest of the world have any idea how truly remarkable and amazing these people were? Yes, they were admired and adored but did the millions who loved them really have any idea what incredible people they were? And did the rest of the world have friends who loved them as much as mine did me? “So what now?” Brian asked.
“We have an appointment with the doctor in a week. Now we wait and we pray,” Nick answered.
I turned to smile at him and once again felt the dizziness overcome my body. I reached out and grabbed Nick as the room spun.
“Don’t panic, Nick. Just get me to the sofa,” I whispered as he scooped me up into his arms.
“Riley?” he whispered, lowering me to the sofa and holding me in his arms.
“I’m okay, just a little dizzy is all,” I answered, smiling weakly at him as he spun in my vision. All the sudden my stomach turned and I felt ill. “Nick, I’m going to be sick,” I whispered, shoving him away and somehow making my way to the bathroom before throwing up.
“Jesus, Riley,” Nick said, kneeling beside me. The fear, the absolute terror in his voice made my stomach knot even more.
“I’m okay, Nick. I’m okay,” I tried to assure him as I knelt in a heap on our bathroom floor.
“Riley?” A.J. asked from the doorway.
When I looked up at him my stomach heaved. The tears in his eyes and on his cheeks twisted my heart in such a way that I had to look away before I could answer him.
“I’m all right. Really I am. It’s just one of the symptoms. Just give me a few minutes and I’ll stand up and walk out there like nothing happened. Just take Nick and leave me alone for just a few minutes. Please, A.J.,” I begged. “Please.”
A.J. stood silent for a moment then gently urged Nick up and out the door. Both men kept their eyes on me till I shut the door on them.
I sat on the floor of the bathroom for a few minutes trying to regain control over my body. It was happening. It was working its way through my body and it was starting to kill me. Time was running out on me and for the first time I could actually feel myself physically dying. I just needed a little more time. I just needed to make sure Polly was pregnant and would have a healthy, beautiful baby.
“Please, please just give me a little bit more time,” I begged to whatever higher power there was.
A few minutes later, I stood and walked back out to the living room feeling almost normal again.
“See, I told you,” I announced as I reappeared.
Polly, Kevin, Brian, A.J., and Nick all stood in the living room looking absolutely terrified.
“Are you all right?” Brian asked.
“I’m fine. I promise you I’m all right now. It was just a spell. I’ll have them again before this is over with but I can’t deal with you guys looking at me like that every time. I’m okay. I’ve still got a little bit of time left,” I answered, smiling. “I’m not going anywhere till we have someone to call you Daddy,” I promised Nick.
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