“So what do you think of being an uncle?” I asked Aaron the next day on the phone as I watched Nick sit across the room drawing.
By the way he watched me I could guess what the subject of his picture was and it touched my heart. He had been focusing more and more on his art in the last few months.
“It’s cool,” Aaron answered from his home in California. “It’ll be cool to have a kid to hang with when I come out there.” I could hear his smile through the phone.
“Now this baby is going to have a lot of uncles because of the other guys but you remember you were first and you’re special. So I’m going to need you to keep an extra close eye on this kid, got it?” I asked, grinning at the picture of Aaron and my baby in my mind.
“Got it. Riley?” he asked, his voice suddenly quiet and serious.
“Yeah, honey?”
“You’re still going to die aren’t you?”
“Oh, Aaron,” I whispered, my heart twisting at the sadness in his voice. “Yeah, sweetheart I’m still going to die. There’s nothing I can do to change that, but I don’t want you to be sad for me. I lived all my dreams, Aaron. I’ve done everything I’ve ever wanted to do. I’ve seen the world, I’ve danced on the Eiffel Tower, seen the sunrise in the east and seen it set in the west. I found the man I loved and a little brother to boot and I’m going to be a mother. I’m not going to go sad and I don’t want you to remember me with sadness. I’m happy, Aaron and every moment I’ve lived I’ve been happy. You remember that,” I said, swallowing around the thump I felt forming in my throat.
He was so young, so innocent. He shouldn’t have had to deal with what was happening to me. But he was dealing with it and remarkably he was accepting it. He was an amazing child on the verge of adulthood and he saw and understood things most adults never comprehended.
“I love you, Riley,” he said.
“I love you too, AC,” I answered.
When I heard him hang up I gently laid the phone back down on the cradle, touching it lovingly as if Aaron could feel my hand.
“What’s wrong?” Nick asked from his place across the room. He sat still and silent as he watched me. I smiled at him.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just thinking about how amazing our son will be with an uncle like Aaron and a father like you,” I answered.
“I still think it’ll be a girl,” Nick said, cracking a grin.
“I’m the mother, buddy. I know it’ll be a boy,” I shot back, standing and walking to him. “Can I see your picture?” I asked.
He turned his sketchbook towards me and I gasped at the picture he had drawn. The details, the shadows, the smile I had while talking to his brother, he had captured all of it. The picture was amazing.
“Nick, it’s beautiful,” I whispered, staring at the drawing.
“Do you think really think so?” he asked, sounding unsure of his ability.
“Sunshine, it’s perfect. It’s wonderful. Do you think the baby will get your talent with a pencil?” I asked him, smiling still at the picture in his hand.
“And your gift of song?” he added.
“My gift. Excuse me, but aren’t you the one that is adored by millions around the world?” I countered.
“I just want to be adored by one though,” he answered, kissing me.
It was so miracle from somewhere up above that the media and his fans had yet to learn about me. We had decided not to release the pictures of the wedding until the public had discovered me. I don’t know how they didn’t know yet. It was amazing, unbelievable really. Maybe because Nick hadn’t been out in the public limelight in so long, maybe because the guys had been in the studio. Somehow though no one had discovered Nick was in a relationship let alone married. Maybe it was a gift from a higher power. We had so little time, maybe whoever or whatever was up there wanted us to have it alone. For whatever reason we never took it for granted. There were moments though that I wondered. I wondered how Nick would explain to his fans that he had been married, that he was a father when the news leaked out. It was so much to face and he was going to have to do it without me. I wondered how the world that loved him would react to knowing he had been married and the woman he loved had died before they ever had a chance to know her.
“What are you thinking?” he asked when he pulled back from the kiss.
“That our time together has been a real blessing and miracle. We’ve had all the months and no one knows about me, but the second Howie is seen in public with any female, relative or otherwise, the world knows about it. I was just thinking about how wonderful our gift together has been,” I answered, smiling gently at him.
“What else were you thinking though? There’s more, I see it in your eyes,” he added.
“You know me too well, Mr. Carter.”
“That’s why you love me, Mrs. Carter. Now what else was going on inside of your beautiful head?”
“I was just thinking about how the public is going to handle knowing you were married and that you are about to be a father when they never even knew I existed. It’s just a little odd.”
“Goldie locks, everything about us is odd. That’s what makes our love so magical, but I don’t want to think about that time right now, Riley. I’ll deal with it when the time comes,” Nick said, his eyes sad as the thought drifted through his head.
“Just make me one promise.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t give up your music. Don’t shut them out of your life or the baby’s. They may be a world of strangers, but they need you. Just as much as you need them,” I added.
“I promise.”
“Good,” I said, smiling and kissing him quickly. “I’m restless and alive and I feel the need to do something crazy,” I said, standing up.
“Oh boy,” he groaned around his smile. “So what does your litter heart desire?”
“I want to go get my picture done,” I announced.
“That’s crazy?” he asked, his eyes puzzled.
“It is if I’m holding a gun in a bustier and you’re wearing a cowboy hat and chaps,” I answered, smiling as I dragged him toward the door.
“Oh that kind of picture,” he said, grinning as he grabbed the car keys. “Race you to the car,” he yelled breaking into a run.
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Nick and I slept out on the beach that night. I held him in my arms as we watched the sunset and then the stars light up the sky. We talked, too. We talked we had a lifetime to live together. We talked about our childhoods, our dreams, his career, and the baby.
The last thing Nick said as he drifted off to sleep were words that were burned into my soul.
“You and I, we’ll dance at our baby’s wedding,” he whispered.
“We’ll dance forever, Nick,” I promised the sleeping man in my arms.
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