If Only In Our Dreams


written by Kim Ann

CH 21

~~**~~

"Thank you" Howie smiled at the waitress as she placed the carafe of coffee in front of him and Justin. "So Justin, you think you have feelings for my best friend?"

"I don't think it, I know it" Justin said shyly. "She is the greatest"

Howie smiled knowlingly at the young man "Honestly she is the best, she can make me laugh like no one else can, she makes me smile no matter how angry I am and she can turn everything into an adventure, a game."

Justin smiled "She got to you too huh? Howie tell me something, has she been in a serious relationship? I don't want to pry but I am curious because she never really mentions an ex or anything like that"

"She was in a serious relationship when she first started with us but he was a jerk, an ass really. He didn't approve of her hanging out and working with us, he didn't like the middle of the night phone calls from one of us freaking out about a problem we had. I think he resented that she could open up to all of us and not to him. So she broke up with him last year and she has been single since. Although Nick and AJ have been trying everything to make that change." Howie grinned. "You would be surprised at how many men she has turned down."

"I cant understand why though, she is beautiful, smart and has a wicked sense of humor, why is she so afraid to become involved?"

"Honestly" Howie lowered his voice "She was hurt so bad in the last relationship that now she is afraid to fall in love, to commit. I think she figures that because the last love hurt her so bad that she thinks any new love will be the same way. Justin if you want to make her fall in love with you and be honest with her feelings you need to teach her how to trust a man who cares for her again."

"She cares about you, she trusts you"

"Yes she does, but she doesn't love me. What we have is a wonderful and special friendship, nothing more. Make her trust you, show her how beautiful trust can be."

"I am afraid that she thinks of me as a kid, she is 24, I am 19"

"SO? Brian and Leighanne are 25 and 30, love has no age Justin" Howie looked at the young man across from him "Tell me something, do you feel young? Do you have feelings for her? Justin if you are old enough to feel love for her, old enough to fight for her, and old enough to work hard at making her trust you then you are old enough to win her heart"

"For a Backstreet Boy you sure are smart" Justin grinned and winked. "Thanks Howie, thanks a lot"

CH 22

~~**~~

Howie slipped back into the room, trying not to disturb Freddi, who, judging by the soft breathing was asleep. He slipped off his jeans and slid between the covers of the bed, making sure not to touch Freddi.

"So what did you and the boy wonder have to talk about?" Freddi whispered, her voice filled with sleep.

Howie moved in closer to her and wrapped his arms around his best friend.

"He has feelings for someone and wasn't sure how to appoach the woman with those feelings"

"So what made him go to you?" Freddi teased, resting her head on Howie's chest.

"I am the ladies man and who better to learn from then me" Howie smiled and kissed her forehead "Now hush up and go to sleep"

Freddi snuggled in close to Howie and was soon sound asleep.

~~**~~

Justin was up and dressed by the time Lance came out of his heavy sleep.

"Someone tell me it isn't so? Curly? You are up before me?" Lance asked in wonderment.

"Couldn't sleep, too much on my mind" Justin said absentmindedly as he continued writing in the notebook.

"What's this?" Lance climbed out of bed and ripped the book out of Justin's hand. "hmmm send flowers.....ask her out to dinner....write her a note...sing to her..Interesting JUJU"

"It's just a list of things I have been thinking of doing...you know to show Freddi how I feel about her."

"I am proud of you Justin..seriously, you want something and you are going after it." Lance hugged his friend. "Now I don't know about you but I have a craving to wake up Freddi with a bang"

The two men grinned and planned their attack.

~~**~~

"Now when we get in there we are going to ease into her bed quietly and then attack" Chris explained.

"How do you know her door is even open, how do we know its not locked" JC reasoned.

"Red NEVER locks her door, call her foolish but she knows that one of us is always going to need to disturb her to talk or something"

The guys counted to three and Chris opened the door to her suite, prepared to attack and surprise their PR manager, but they were the ones who got the surprise. Lying in bed with their arms around each other was a sleeping Howie and Freddi.

Justin's face fell, his blood turned to boil and he punched the wall as he walked out. The guys followed him out and tried to calm him down.

"That son of a bitch, I trusted him and the whole time he was playing with me...that bastard" Justin was near tears as he stormed down the hallway towards his room.

"Houston we have a problem" Chris muttered as they entered the room and tried to comfort their friend.

CH 23

~~**~~

"Good Morning kiddies" Freddi breezed into the dining area and smiled at the guys, sitting down beside Justin "Morning Curly Top" and she tousled his hair.

Justin threw down his spoon and shot her a glare "Guys I will see you on the bus, suddenly I have lost my appetite" he picked up his tray and deposited with a slam down on the counter and stormed off.

"Who pissed in his golden grahams?" Freddi muttered.

"I guess he got an early morning surprise he wasn't expecting" JC mumbled.

"Excuse me but I have to go see if he is alright" JC shot her a disgusted look and got up from the table, followed by Joey and Chris.

"Well aren*t I just Suzie Sunshine Popular this morning" Freddi cracked as she looked at the only remaining person at her table "I sure know how to clear a room fast. Tell me Lansten...do I have morning breath? Do I have something stuck on my face?"

"No...I guess they are just touchy this morning" Lance started to get up from the table "With good reason"

Freddi watched him walk off and she tried to search for a reason, something she had done to cause this sudden revolt. "Screw em...little boys playing little games"

~~**~~

The guys congregated in the back of the bus, watching tv and talking in hush whispers. "Should we be afraid? They have been pretty quiet for a while, when AJ and Nicky do that they are planning an attack" Howie teased as he and Freddi watched the small tv near the bunks.

"Who the hell knows with them, one minute they are buddy buddy and the next they are treating me like I am the spawn on satan"

~~**~~

"Red that was Tim, I need to get back, they need us in the studio at 9am tomorrow to record the single with Elton John, I am sorry"

"No worries...when do you leave?"

"In 10 minutes, when the bus drops you off at the venue it is going to take me to the airport"

"Well thank you for coming, it has been a blast" Freddi hugged her friend tight "Give the guys big juicy kisses for me" and then patted Howie's ass, not knowing that they were being watched through a crack in the door.

~~**~~

"Did you see that...she smacked his ass" Chris whispered.

"At least she didn't give him the charmin test, shit my ass is still numb from that night in Orlando when those three drunk chicks pinched my ass" Lance muttered, deep down loving the attention that the women had lavished on him that night.

They glanced at Justin who was busy typing away on his laptop. "JUJU, don't you want to see this?"

"No, I saw enough, I got my answer this morning" he muttered.

~~**~~

"Is Howie gone?" JC sat down in the chair beside Freddi, in the backstage area.

"He had to get back, I already miss him"

"Tell me something Red....did you have to lie? I mean was it an agreement the two of you had, you would cover up the relationship from the fans. I guess I cant blame you on that point, the fans would probably go apey if they found out that Howie was bopping his PR Advisor but what I can't figure out is why you lied to us. YOu could have told us, we would have understood and accepted him. Friends don't lie to one another Red" and he walked away without hearing what a very stunned and confused Freddi had to say.

~~**~~

CURLYQ- Everyone here has gone apey...

CURLY- join the club..remember the woman I was having feelings for?

CURLYQ- YES?

CURLY- She has been lying to me all along, she has been seeing someone.

CURLYQ- How do you know?

CURLY- I walked in on them..

CURLYQ- What did they say?

CURLY- Nothing, they were asleep...in each others arms

CURLYQ- Did you tell her what you had seen

CURLY - WHY would I?

CURLYQ- Let me tell you something, I sleep with my best friend ( who is a guy) all the time, we cuddle, we hold hands, we love each other, but have no romantic feelings towards each other. We are so comfie with each other that the signs of affection come naturally to us...ASK HER...

CURLY- I cant..I will feel like an ass if she tells me that they are together

CURLYQ- You will feel like an even bigger ass if you wait and find out down the road that they were JUST friends and you blew your one chance at being in love

Justin stared at the words on his computer screen, she had hit too close to home and he couldn*t handle it. He clicked his mouse.

*****CONNECTION TERMINATED****

CH 24

~~**~~

Joey watched as Justin and Freddi went out of their way to ignore each other. The past two days they had barely spoken 10 words to one another. The tension between the two was intense and Justin had been spending a lot of time typing on his laptop while Freddi seemed to have her cell attached to her ear. Something had to be done.

~~**~~

"So tell us Joey, why are we huddled in this tiny bunk?" JC asked, trying to stretch his legs and alleviate the cramping that was taking over.

"We need to talk about a certain red head and our favourite whacked out afro boy"

Lance smiled "I am impressed Joey, I would not have thought that you would have noticed something like that"

Joey grinned "I am not always the horn dog I appear to be. So what are we going to do about this, it is only a matter of time before Johnny asks what the hell is up with those two."

"And you know if he finds out that there is problems, Freddi will be the one to go to solve the problem, and I don't want that." Chris replied.

"We need to make them talk, maybe we should talk to Freddi, you know find out what the hell is going on with her and the latin lover" Chris suggested.

"JC and Lance you corner her this afternoon after sound check, Joey and I will concentrate on JUJU"

~~**~~

Freddi was talking with Amy, the boys stylist when JC and Lance walked in and asked to talk to her. "JC I think what you said the other day told me how you feel about me, what more could you possibly have to say to me" Freddi got up from her chair and started to walk away but JC stopped her and gently pushed her back into the chair.

"Freddie...please...we need to talk."

Freddi rolled her eyes and folded her arms "Fine...what is it?"

"Are you and Howie romantically involved?" Lance asked cautiously.

Freddi laughed "NO...jesus what is it with all of you, you guys should know...I am friends with Howie, I am friends with you."

"But you don't sleep with us..well not if you don't count that night that me and Justin tagged teamed you" Lance grinned.

"WHAT?" JC's mouth dropped and he looked at his friends in shock "You two...you three...hooked up"

"We fell asleep that was all" Freddi grinned and then got serious "Now what is this about me sleeping with Howie?"

"We wanted to surprise you the other day and well" Lance swallowed "We walked in on you and Howie sleeping in each other's arms"

"THAT*S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?" Freddi burst into laughter "Oh my god...we do that all the time, jesus we hold hands too, we love each other....as FRIENDS, its a sign of our affection."

JC and Lance looked at each other "Well we didn*t think that was the case"

JC ran his hands through his hair "I guess what I am saying is someone perceived that scene as cozy and now he is sulking"

"Why would this person sulk?"

"Because he has a crush on you" Lance blurted out.

Freddi turned her face and stared out the window "It has to be Joey." she thought to herself.

~~**~~

"SO Curly" Chris flopped on the sofa "When are you going to tell Red about your feelings?"

"Never...she is with that bastard Dorough, now drop it" Justin muttered as he flipped angrily through the magazine he was reading.

~~**~~

"Well now at least we know that she is free for the stalking" Joey grinned and licked his lips.

"FORGET IT FATONE...we are trying to hook up Justin and Freddi remember" JC Scolded.

"Sorry..guess the idea of finding out if she was a TRUE redhead overcame my desire to hook her up with my friend" Joey hung his head "So what is the next step"

"We need to get a hold of both their laptops, find out what the hell they both have been typing, maybe that holds a clue"

"That's easy, we can grab Freddi's while she is in her weekly strategy meeting and I am rooming with Justin tonight so once he is asleep I will grab his" Chris replied, a hundred ideas running through his mind.

CH 25

~~**~~

CurlyQ...God I wish I knew your real name, it would make this all seem more personal, more real.

May I take a moment to vent? I have spent the last 2 days ignoring the beautiful woman because of jealousy.

You see I cannot bear to look at her and know that she is beyond reach, untouchable. It hurts to know that someone else gets to enjoy her laugh, gets to run their hands through her hair and most of all get to experience her love.

She is everything I want in a woman. She is smart, independent, sexy and caring. Her laugh sends shivers down my spine and her smile goes straight to my heart.

I can feel myself going back into the dark hole I was living in until she showed me how fun life could be. I need her so bad but I can't see spending the next 3 months looking at her, touching her and knowing that I will never have her.

She has stolen my heart without even knowing it.

What do I Do?

~~**~~

Freddi stared at her latest entry in her online diary and smiled, besides Howie and her online friend Curly the online journal was her sympathetic ear, the one place she could be entirely honest without worrying what someone would think about what she had confessed. She pressed enter and sat the closed laptop on the makeshift desk in the makeup room and went to join the meeting that she was late for.

~~**~~

"The butterfly has just left the cocoon, cover me I am going in" Chris whispered as he walked down the hall and without a second thought, grabbed her laptop and sprinted down the hall.

"I can't believe we are doing this, I feel so bad about it" JC confessed.

"This is a huge invasion of privacy, Freddi will rip us limb from limb and sell us to overzealous fans if she finds out."

"What a beautiful thought, fuck it" Joey screamed and reached for the laptop, "Let's see what our favourite red head has to say."

~~**~~

June 5, 2000

What hurts me the most is how much I miss him. I miss seeing him flash his cheesy grin at me, I miss him flopping down beside me and resting his head on my shoulder as we talk and I even find myself missing his whining"

"JESUS her pelvis is really quivering for our little man" Chris teased and then continued reading.

He may only be 19 but he is so mature for his age when he wants to be. The things we talk about during our midnight his and her bitches is incredible. He talks about how badly he wants to be on top of the industry, how he dreams of making not only his dreams come true but his family's as well. He talks about how he wants to settle down, find someone who truly understands his passion for music and who will be patient while he persues it. How can someone at 19 be so intense? I find myself staring at him with awe. He is exactly what I have been looking for. It is funny how god works, he put this incredible man in a boy's body and there is nothing I can do but to watch this boy mature into a man who will eventually be swept up by a woman who will hopefully understand what an incredible man he is.

I only pray that whoever wins Justin's heart takes care of it and realizes what a special gift they have been given.

Shit I am late for my meeting, Johnny is probably shitting Britney's silicone tits by now...

-Fredderikka

"Holy shit she wants to fuck JUJU's curls straight" Joey exclaimed as he finished reading the diary entry.

~~**~~

"They have to be talking to one another...Curly is talking about a woman who he is in love with but he thinks she is involved with someone else...the email topics all match up..."

"Holy shit they have been talking to one another online about one another for the past 2 months and haven't realized it." JC concluded. "Guys we have to do something, we have to get them together."

"They are perfect for each other, too bad they won't talk to one another" Lance muttered.

"there has to be a way"

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