Brian stared at me, his eyes filled with horror. I sank back on to the sofa exhausted. I was so tired of fighting off the fear, the absolute terror that haunted me. It was why I had attacked Brian that first day, why I had punched Kevin at CityWalk. The woman so in control harbored a fear that threatened to tear her apart.
“Are you happy now?” I asked Brian. I felt my control slipping, I no longer had the strength to fight it. The last six years had taken too much from me.
Rising, I left Brian for the solitude of my room. He didn’t take the hint though as he followed me in, closing the door softly behind him. For a single moment the panic caught me again and I was terrified of him. Then I saw his eyes and I knew. He would never try to hurt me.
Sitting down on my bed, Brian pulled me down and into his arms where we just sat there. He held me, rocking me gently in his arms. That was when I lost the final thread of control I had. I was no longer strong enough to stop the flow of tears, the tears that I hadn’t shed in more than six years. Huge, wracking stops accompanied them, sobs that shook my body head to toe. I cried until I could cry no more and then sleep took me wrapped in Brian’s arms.
“Ryder? Ryder?”
The whispering of my name dragged me from my sleep and slowly I opened my eyes to look up into Mike’s.
“Come on, little sister,” Mike said, easing me out of Brian’s arms and carrying me out of my room and into his.
“What time is it?” I asked, shaking off my sleepiness.
“Almost nine o’clock in the morning,” he answered. “Sam’s on the phone. He sounds upset,” he said, handing me the phone.
“Sam? What’s wrong?” I asked when I had the phone.
“Sasha, I guess she didn’t want to wake me. She tried to climb up and get the cereal this morning. Ryder, I think she hit her head. We are at the hospital and she still hasn’t woken up yet,” Sam cried into the phone.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes, Sam. Just hold on,” I said, hanging the phone up. I looked at Mike but he stopped me before I spoke.
“Just go. I’ll take care of them,” he said.
I hugged him tightly and left to go change clothes. Twenty minutes later I walked into the hospital waiting room.
Sam sat slouched in a chair, looking worn and worried. Quietly, I approached him and touched his shoulder. He looked up at me with tear filled eyes.
“Oh Sam,” I whispered, hugging him as he stood up.
“I let her get hurt, Ryder,” he cried into my shoulder as he held on to me.
“Oh Sam, no you didn’t. This is just one of those things. You can’t stop every little thing that happens to her. You’re only one man,” I tried to soothe him but his fear had the best of him.
“I should have taught her better, should have done something to keep her from trying to climb up there. God Ryder, if I lose her.”
That got my attention.
“What did you just say? Sam, how bad is this?” I asked
“I don’t know, Ryder. She hasn’t woken up yet and that scares me. They are running some more tests on her now,” he answered.
“All right. Stay here and I’ll go find out what’s going on.”
I pushed aside my rising fear as I left his side to find a doctor. This scene was all too familiar to me as memories of Michelle’s accident drifted back into my head.
It wasn’t easy learning to live without the best friend who had been a part of my life since I was four, the woman who had known all my secrets, seen all my tears, caused all my laughter. Letting go of her had been the hardest thing I had ever done, but life hadn’t given me a choice. Sam was in pain and Sasha needed someone to take care of her. So I had turned the energy in my pain towards helping Sam raise our precious girl. Our precious girl who now lay unconscious in some hospital bed.
I found a doctor and some answers a few minutes later. Then I made my way back to Sam.
“Sam,” I said, touching his shoulder. He looked up at me with troubled eyes. “She’s gonna be fine. They are moving her to her room right now. She’s got a pretty bad concussion and they want to keep her overnight but she’s gonna be fine,” I told him.
“Ryder,” he cried, hugging me tightly as if his life depended on it. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I’m just the moral support. Remember that’s my girl in there too,” I said, smiling.
“Let’s go see our girl.”
“Sounds good to me.”
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