I stood in the shadows of the doorway a little bit later watching him play basketball on his court. His skill was paying for his anger, as he couldn’t seem to get the ball through the hoop half the time. He was angry and frustrated and probably hurt, but so was I.
No one had tried to hurt me so badly in a long time. I thought I could trust Brian, his eyes had made promises I honestly believed he could keep. I was wrong again. Seems I have lousy judgement when it comes to men. I keep paying the price for the mistakes they make.
I still couldn’t believe he had said some of those things to me, blaming me for things I had never even been a part of, tearing about the dignity and respect within myself. A part of me understood why he had done it though. Fear and confusion made us do stupid things sometimes and most often to the people we cared about the most. As much as I understood why though it didn’t ease the pain within me. As a woman I was lousy with men.
Brian must have gotten frustrated with himself because he turned and threw the ball at the house. As it slammed against the side a few feet from me his eyes found mine.
Slowly, he approached me and as he neared I felt myself stiffening for his attack.
“Ryder, about what happened earlier,” he began.
“Don’t apologize to me,” I said, cutting him off.
“You didn’t deserve that. I can’t even believe I said those things, especially to you,” he continued.
“So you’re going to apologize to me because you’re scared and confused?” I asked, watching his troubled blue eyes
“I might be scared and confused but that doesn’t excuse what I said to you.”
“No but it does explain it and right now that’s all the matters.”
“Ryder, please. Just let me say this,” he begged.
“There’s nothing to say, Brian. Except maybe it won’t happen again,” I said, smiling gently.
All the apologizes in the world wouldn’t change what happened. They were a waste of time, of breath, and of energy. Why bother to say something that won’t change wasn’t been?
“Never again,” he said, stepping closer. “You know I would never hurt you intentionally.”
“We never do it intentionally but we always do it. That’s life. That’s the way it spins us. We make mistakes and we learn from them,” I answered, taking a step towards him.
"I’ve made too many mistakes with you, Ryder, and I’ve learned a lifetime in your eyes. I never want to see you look at me in that much pain again,” he pleaded, touching my face.
“Brian, no more mistakes. No more angry words or wrong choices or scared moments please. I don’t want you to think of me as another mistake you’ve made.”
“My only mistake will be if I don’t kiss you right now,” he said, leaning in. His lips took over mine and all I could do was kiss him back.
“Brian,” I moaned as he pulled me into his arms.
“Shh, Ryder. No more words, no more excuses, no more arguments.”
I felt his hands move to the buttons on my shirt and I felt the brush of the cool breeze on my skin as he slowly exposed it button by button. I lifted his shirt and tossed it away as my lips moved to his neck and slowly worked there way down to his scar.
The clothes were scattered around the house in moments as we made our way back to my room. I lost myself in his arms after that. Just loving him in the moment.
Neither one of us ever noticed the mysterious person outside the window.
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