Ashley and Nick moved through the holiday with the Carter’s and Bradley as if nothing had changed. Caresses and kisses were exchanged briefly and in secret, away from everyone and from any chance that someone might see them. Each time their lips met or their hands brushed the pain of the situation and their feelings for each other became stronger and more recognizable. They knew that their lie would have to stop sometime and that they only had two options, both of them lying in Ashley’s hands. Nick lived only for her and what was happening, refusing to let himself think that he might lose and that Preston might win.
Nick suspected that they weren’t hiding it very well from his mother and maybe B.J. His suspicions were fulfilled the day that he, Ashley, and Bradley were supposed to fly back to Florida. He and Ashley were standing in the kitchen, sharing one of their few moments alone while Nick’s family and Bradley had gone to the movies. Nick and Ashley had stayed behind to finish packing, which had only taken them a half an hour.
After packing her own things, Ashley walked down into the kitchen to join Nick. He was standing at the sink with his back to her and didn’t hear her come into the room. She crept up behind him, her arms going around his waist and slipping under his shirt to trace his ribs with her fingers, “Hey, Nicky.”
She felt him place his hands over hers and could hear the smile in his voice, “If you keep doing that I won’t be held responsible for what I do to you.” He turned around face her. Ashley outlined the lazy grin on his lips with her finger and felt a smile forming on her own face. He hopped up on the counter and pulled her between his legs.
“It’s good to see you smile again, Brown Eyes,” Nick whispered, pressing his forehead to hers.
“You make me want to smile, Nick,” Ashley whispered back, staring into his blue eyes.
“You make me want to do a lot of things,” Nick hinted, raising his eyebrows.
“And what would that be?” Ashley played ignorant.
“Well, this….” Nick kissed her neck.
“And this….” She felt his lips along her jaw line.
“And a little bit of this…” his lips made their way to kiss the tip of her nose.
“And especially this,” Nick let his lips touch hers in a hungry kiss.
“I think I like this,” Ashley whispered against his lips.
“I think I like you,” Nick managed to get out between hot kisses, letting his hand slip into the back of her jeans to play with the edge of her panties and to press her closer to him.
They were so caught up in each other and the moment that they failed to hear the front door open and Nick’s family step inside. B.J., Leslie, Aaron, and Mrs. Carter made their way into the kitchen. The clatter of Aaron dropping the movie that they rented, startled Ashley and Nick into noticing the four people who had unknowingly stepped into their private passionate moment.
“Oh God,” Ashley quickly stepped away from Nick’s embrace as he immediately hopped off of the counter.
Nick cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck nervously, “I, uh, thought you all were going to a movie.”
“We were going to see a movie, Nickolas, but we decided to rent one instead, so way we could spend more time with the two of you before you left,” Mrs. Carter informed her oldest son.
Nick or Ashley neither one could speak and a silence enveloped the room.
Aaron finally broke it, his blue eyes, replicas of his older brothers’, still wide, “Nick, your tongue was in Ashley’s mouth.”
Ashley felt her face get hot as a blush spread all the way up her neck to her cheeks.
“Aaron, Leslie, B.J., Ashley, I’d like to have a talk with Nick if you don’t mind,” Mrs. Carter said, her eyes never breaking her son’s gaze as the rest of them filed out of the room.
Ashley felt Nick reach out and squeeze her hand before she fled out of the kitchen and past Bradley, Mr. Carter, and Angel who were setting up the TV in the family room to the room that she was sharing with B.J. She sat down on the pull away bed that she had been sleeping in and put her head in her hands. She felt as if Nick’s touch was still imprinted on her body. She couldn’t help but wonder what Nick’s mother was saying to him.
*****
Aaron and Leslie obediently filed out of the kitchen at their mother’s request. B.J., on the other hand, took no heed to what Mrs. Carter had said and sat down on one of the barstools, expectantly watching her brother to see what he would say.
“B.J., I thought that I asked you to leave,” Jane spoke finally taking her gaze away from her son.
“I think I’m old enough to hear what Nick has to say. I mean he’ll tell me anyways later on, so why does it matter if I’m here now?” B.J. exclaimed.
“Fine. I don’t care. I’m not in the mood to argue with two of you,” Mrs. Carter sat down at the kitchen table motioning for Nick to sit across from her. She spoke, getting straight to the point, “Do you want to tell me why you were kissing your best friend who also happens to be engaged to another man? When did all of this start?”
“Mom, I can’t explain it. I don’t really know when it happened or why it happened. It just happened. All I know is that it felt right,” Nick only told his mother half of the truth.
“Don’t bull with me, Nick. I want to know what’s going on. Is Ashley engaged or isn’t she?” she could tell immediately that this was a sore subject for her son. His eyes clouded over and he looked down at his hands.
“I don’t know, Mom. We haven’t talked about it. I don’t really want to talk about it with her.”
“Nick, I’m sorry I’m getting into your business like this, but you have to understand that I’m just looking out for you. This could turn into a very bad situation if her fiancé ever found out. Bad media could ruin your career. Do you understand that?” Jane looked at her son with concern in her eyes.
Nick suddenly became angry, “Is it always about my career, Mom? Can’t you ever just be my mom and not my agent? I get so fucking sick of hearing about this every time I come home.”
“Don’t you talk like that to me, Nickolas. I don’t care how old you are, I raised you better than to speak to me the way you just did. I am just trying to look out for you. You’re still so young and I’m not going to let you ruin everything because of some girl. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” “I understand that, but I’m not going to make her choose. I’ve told her this and I’m going to tell you this, too. I would rather be with her right now and lose her to another man, than to never be with her at all. I love her, Mom. I just want to prove to her that I would do anything to be with her. I’m not going to give her up without trying. I can’t. I’ve never felt anything like this before and I’m so afraid that if I let it slip through my fingers I’ll never feel it again.”
Jane’s heart reached out to her son. There was so much pain in his young eyes. For one brief moment, she saw her son, the little boy, and her son, the grown man all in the same instant and she wanted more than anything to erase the hurt that was hindering his heart, “I wish that I could so something to make this right, but I can’t. I can’t keep this from hurting you.”
“Do you think it’s too late, Mom? Do you think I’ve waited too long to realize this?” The anger that had been written on his face moments before had been replaced with desperation.
Jane reached out and touched his hand, “Only God can decide if it’s too late.”
*****
Ashley had not moved from where she was sitting on the bed when she heard someone knock softly on the door.
“Can I come in?” B.J. asked softly. After hearing the heartbreaking words spoken by her brother she wanted to know for herself what Ashley was thinking. B.J. didn’t even know that Nick had been capable of saying what he had said.
Ashley smiled weakly, “It’s your room.”
“I just don’t want you to think that Mom’s mad at you,” Nick’s sister said, sitting down on her own bed across from Ashley. She looked sheepishly at the girl who was only a few years older than her, “and also, just, how long have you and Nick, you know, been together? I mean, I kind of thought that you were engaged.”
Ashley sighed and picked at the bedspread, “It’s a really long story, B.J., one that Nick and I don’t even understand.”
“So you’re engaged or you’re not engaged?” B.J. questioned.
“I am. I guess Nick and I are both trying to pretend that I’m not, but when we go back to Florida, my fiancé’s going to be there and we won’t be able to hide from it anymore,” Ashley answered quietly.
“Are you going to break it off with your fiancé?” B.J. warily asked. She was concerned for her brother. The last thing she wanted was for him to get hurt by another girl, especially by his best friend.
The ever-present tears returned to Ashley’s eyes, but they didn’t fall down her cheeks, “I can’t be with Nick, B.J. These past few days have been a dream, one that we’re both going to have to wake up from. Nick can’t give me what I need and I can’t give Nick what he needs.”
“So, you’re lying to him? You’re just leading him on and letting him think that you care about him?” B.J. asked defensively.
“I do care about Nick, B.J., probably more than you understand, but I’ve told him and I continue to tell him that I won’t be with him in the way that he wants to be with me. Things will change when he goes away after the first of the year and he’ll forget all about me,” the words escaped her lips and she knew they were a lie.
“You’re lying to yourself if you think he’s just going to move on because he’s in a different country than you, Ashley. He’s not just going to forget about you. If I know my brother he’ll carry you in his heart until it hurts so much that he wants to die. Do you want that for him? Do you want that for you?” B.J. didn’t know if she was angry with Ashley or frustrated at her stubbornness, “You’re not going to forget about him either, are you? Will you really let yourself marry someone you don’t love, when there’s someone else out there who would give you everything in the world if you asked him for it?”
Ashley didn’t respond for a moment, almost shocked at B.J.’s concerned outburst, “I love Nick with everything inside of me, B.J., but I’m not a person that’s meant to be loved. My own parents didn’t love me, so how can I ask Nick for more than he can ever give? I want more than he can give me. It’s not that he won’t want to give it to me, but we’ve already talked about this. He can’t give it to me because of who he is.”
“I’m sorry, Ashley. Maybe I’m the ignorant one here, but I just don’t see where you’re coming from. Nothing that you’re saying makes sense. If you love my brother why don’t you want to be with him?”
Ashley just stared at Nick’s sister. B.J. was only a few years younger
than her, but things were so much simpler and clearer for the younger girl.
Ashley couldn’t answer her, not because she didn’t want to, but because
didn’t even know the answer for herself.
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