Nick reached over and slapped the top of the hotel alarm clock. The annoying sound that had reverberated throughout his room for he didn’t even know how long finally came to a stop. He rolled over onto his back, letting out a yawn and stretching. It was an ungodly hour to have to wake up, but Nick knew that if he didn’t, soon enough Kevin or Howie would come banging on his door. Nick would prefer not to wake up to somebody nagging at him that they were going to be late for a photo shoot, so he forced himself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom to take a shower. They hadn’t even arrived back at the hotel until one in the morning after the concert, which left Nick with a cumulative of three hours of sleep. It would have been close to four hours, if Nick’s thoughts hadn’t turned to his best friend back home in Florida as they did every night.
Once he had showered and gotten dressed, Nick walked back out of the bathroom and stood at the window of his room, his blonde hair still hanging wet against his head. The sun hadn’t even risen over London and most of the city was probably still sleeping, which was what Nick wished he were doing. He would wish for sleeping or for being with Ashley, both of which were completely unattainable at the moment. If Nick could really have his way he would combine the two of them; sleeping with Ashley right next to him. Nick shook the painful thought out of his head as he heard a knock on his door.
“Coming!” Nick called as he shoved his feet into his favorite pair of tennis shoes before swinging open the door to reveal Brian with a less-than-there A.J. standing behind him.
Kevin and Howie soon joined the other three, along with a member of management and one of their publicists. Once they had gotten seated in the van that would take them to the photo shoot, Nick felt himself begin to doze off.
He was startled by A.J.’s sluggish voice rising up from the seat in the back that the now green-haired Backstreet Boy had laid down in, “Can someone please remind me again why it is necessary to have a photo shoot at freaking four thirty in the morning?”
“The purpose of a photo shoot with the light of a rising sun, A.J., would require exactly that: a rising sun, a phenomena that occurs only one time each day,” Howie informed him.
“Thank you, Mr. Wizard,” A.J. mumbled.
“What time do you think we’ll be back?” Nick asked Brian.
“Do I look like your itinerary?” Brian joked.
Nick scowled, still not quite awake, “How can you even be corny this early?”
“Well, Nick, since there is only an allotted period in which the sun can rise, we should be back before most of London’s eating breakfast,” Brian answer somewhat smartly.
Nick rested his head against the window of the van, “Good. I want to have time to check my e-mail before we do that interview.”
Brian knew instantly that Nick was actually just checking for e-mail from one specific person: Ashley.
“She still hasn’t written you back, Frack?”
A.J. lifted his head up, “You know what you need to do, Chaos? You need to find a girl. That’s what we’re gonna do tonight at that party. We’re gonna find you a girl and you’re gonna get laid.”
Brian and Nick stared incredulously at A.J., who, as if he hadn’t said anything, laid back down in the seat without waiting for a response and turned his back to them.
Nick shook his head, “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have waited a whole month to write her for the first time.”
“You were hurt, Nick. Anybody in your position would have done the same,” Brian reasoned.
“I don’t blame her for not writing back. I just kind of wonder what she thinks when she reads them or if she even takes time to read them, you know?”
*****
Later that same day, Ashley and her best friend from high school and maid of honor, Laurel, walked into Ashley’s house after returning from the bridal shop.
Ashley sighed, setting her purse down on the kitchen counter and leafing through the day’s mail. It had been a long day. Mrs. Vanderbilt was still controlling the wedding, right down to the wedding dress and the bridesmaids’ dresses, the one thing that Ashley had hoped to decide on for herself.
Laurel called from Ashley’s office, “Can I get on-line? There’s a bikini at the J. Crew site that I’ve been wanting to look at but my Internet service is down at home.”
“Go ahead,” Ashley called back.
“Hey, Ash?” Laurel questioned a few minutes later.
“What is it?” Ashley responded as she walked into the office to look at the computer screen.
“Did you know you have ten un-read messages from ‘BabyBlues’ on here?” Laurel pointed out ten e-mails that had been sent from Nick’s account.
“I know,” Ashley nodded. She remembered the day at Nick’s house when she’d helped him set up his Internet account. She could still hear him scoff at the name she’d put in for his account when he’d been out of the room:
“BabyBlues? What kind of gay name is that?”
“Now you’re Babyblues and I’m BrownEyes, Nick. Besides, it’s good because your fans won’t figure it out. They’d think it was too sissy for you.”
“Great. So even you think it’s sissy and you made it up. I can’t e-mail anybody with that name.” “Then you can just e-mail me.”
Ashley ached inside at the memory. Now he couldn’t even e-mail her. Laurel’s voice snapped Ashley back to reality.
“Have you read any of them?”
“No. Why should I?” Ashley tried to shrug it off.
“Because he’s Nick and there’s no reason to ever not e-mail him back,” Laurel told her.
“That’s exactly why I shouldn’t read his letters or write him back. Because he’s Nick and he could ruin everything I have with Preston.”
“That’s only because you love Nick as much as he loves you, but you’re incredibly stubborn so you’ll only listen to your mind and not your heart.”
“You sound like Brian,” Ashley mused.
“When did you talk to Brian?”
“Leighanne called me a couple days ago and Brian got on the phone.”
“How’d they say Nick was doing?” Laurel inquired.
“I didn’t ask how Nick was doing. Brian just volunteers information like it’s his job and he told me his opinion on the whole situation which is pretty much like yours,” Ashley recalled her conversation with Nick’s best friend.
Laurel sighed. There was no talking sense into Ashley.
*****
Late that night, against her better judgment, Ashley sat down at her computer desk and typed into her password to get on-line. The e-mails from Nick jumped off the screen at her and she clicked on the first one. It read:
To: BrownEyes@hotmail.com
From: Babyblues@hotmail.com
Hi. It’s me. We’re in Berlin. I know we haven’t talked since I left, but I wanted to see how you’re doing. The tour’s going good- it’s just kinda lonely out here. I brought your scrapbook with me. It’s nice to have when there’s nobody to talk to or when there’s just nobody who really understands. And don’t worry….I’m getting plenty of sleep. If you, can, write me back.
Love,
Nicky
She smiled softly to herself. Ashley knew he was lying- she’d been on tour with them and knew there was no way in heck Nick was getting plenty of sleep. He always told her that because he knew she worried about it. The next few followed basically the same format as that first one. They started to get more serious though as Nick realized she either wasn’t receiving them or had no intention of writing back. Another one read:
To: BrownEyes@hotmail.com
From: Babyblues@hotmail.com
I know that I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but I can’t live with not talking to you. Do you even understand where I’m coming from? I know that you don’t want anything between us, but I can’t stand being cut off from you like this. You’ve already gotten your point across. Could you at least let me know you’re okay? Is that too much to ask? Well, if you get this, I attached some pictures that publicity took at our concert in Stockholm. I thought you might want to see them.
-N. –
Ashley felt tears rise to her eyes as she looked at the pictures from the concerts. She had always loved seeing him perform. The crowd did something to him. It made him come alive. She loved who Nick was when he was on stage, but there was sadness in his eyes in these pictures. One that Ashley knew she had caused. Finally, she got to the last e-mail. It was dated with today’s date:
To: BrownEyes@hotmail.com
From: Babyblues@hotmail.com
We had this photo shoot today. Had to get up at like four in the morning. They wanted the sun to be rising. The only thing that I could think of was why couldn’t they do it with the sun setting. I hope things are going good. The tour’s great. We’re in London right now. Everything’s a little crazy, but it always is. I was thinking. Since you’re not responding to these e-mails either you’re not getting them or you’re not reading them or you’re just not writing me back. One way or the other, you probably don’t want them, so maybe I’ll quit writing. It’s just I don’t know when I’ll see you again. If you want me to stop writing them I will. Maybe I just feel closer to you if I write you and tell you what’s going on even if you don’t respond. I just want you to know that even if it would restore our friendship to normal I wouldn’t take back anything that happened in the past few months. I’ve never felt like this about anybody else. I don’t know what I can do to convince that to you. If you won’t write me, will you at least call me to let me know things are okay? I know you said you didn’t want to talk on the phone, but I need to hear your voice. You know my number.
-Nick-
Ashley finished reading that last e-mail and just stared at the computer screen for a few minutes. All of her emotions finally overtook her and she buried her head in her arms on the desk and cried out all of the tears that she had been holding inside for Nick since he had left. Everything inside of her cried out to call him because she needed to hear his voice as much, if not more, than he needed to hear hers. She battled the urge to call Nick that whole night and all of the next day. The next opportunity that she had was at one o’clock the next morning and before she could stop herself, Ashley picked up her cordless phone and dialed the number that she knew all too well.
There was a six-hour time difference in London, if that’s where Nick still was, it would be seven in the morning there. Ashley knew Nick would be fast asleep, but if he were as desperate to talk to her, as he seemed to be, then he wouldn’t mind. The phone rang six times without Nick or his voice mail picking up. Ashley almost hung up, but just as she was about to turn off her phone someone picked up.
“Hello?”
Ashley froze. The voice was unmistakably female, sleepy, and heavily accented.
“Hello?” the voice repeated again.
Ashley recovered her voice and haltingly asked for Nick.
“Nicky’s still sleeping. Can I take a message?” the voice whispered, using the name that Nick only let Ashley call him.
“No, no message,” Ashley all but managed out.
There was no other response, just the sound of the dial tone on Ashley’s end of the connection. Harsh realization sinking in, Ashley quickly hung up the phone, her mind reeling at what she had just heard. She felt as if someone had stabbed a knife into her heart. Nick had finally done what she’d asked. He’d moved on and now Ashley knew that she’d gotten what she’d wished for: she’d lost Nick for good.
*****
Across the ocean, in London, Nick had woken up to the sound of his cellular phone ringing on the nightstand. He heard Emily answer it, but couldn’t make out what she was saying. Nick had done just what A.J. had prescribed in the van on the way to the photo shoot. He’d met a girl, taken her up to his hotel room, and the rest had happened in his bed. Unlike he thought he would, Nick hadn’t felt guilty. He actually might have gained a meaningful relationship out of what was supposed to be a one-night stand, which normally wasn’t something he would engage in. He’d only had sex twice before and both times were with girls he’d been dating for quite a while. During the first night, thoughts of Ashley had entered his mind, but he’d pushed them away. Emily really was a sweet girl and Nick was grateful that he’d met her. Physically, she was the exact opposite of Ashley. She had stick straight blonde hair, green eyes, and a somewhat edgy face whereas Ashley’s face was delicate and possessed an air of innocence. Emily’s body wasn’t all that much either. She didn’t really have one. Nick had thought of the favorable curves that his hands had caressed on Ashley. He had reasoned that those attributes weren’t important. Her temperament had somewhat reminded him of his best friend. Emily was thoughtful, honest, and didn’t seem to care much about his fame.
One thing that Nick noticed she was missing was Ashley’s stubbornness and her passion. Ashley had always seemed so alive to Nick. Emily was just kind of there and did whatever anyone told her to do. Nick convinced himself that he was just comparing her to Ashley and that his opinions would change with time. Another thing that bothered Nick about Emily was the fact that she would sleep with him the first night she met him. He couldn’t talk though, because he had done the same thing with her. Nick was almost positive that a one-night stand was something that was totally unfathomable to Ashley and he respected that about her. At one time it was something that Nick, too, wouldn’t even consider.
After a few seconds, Emily placed the cell phone back on the nightstand and snuggled back up against him.
“Who was that?” Nick asked groggily.
“I think it was a fan that got your number,” Emily whispered against his chest, “Maybe you should change it.”
For a brief second Nick almost told her that he couldn’t change it because if Ashley tried to call him, then she would use the number he had now. Nick shook the excuse out of his mind, “I’ll take care of that tomorrow.”
“How about I take care of you right now?” Emily purred seductively, climbing on top of him.
“You’re not too tired? We were at it all night,” Nick teased.
Emily smiled and joked back, “You’re not that good, Carter. Besides, I’m never too tired for you, Nicky.”
Her lips came down Nick’s throat and for a moment Nick almost corrected her.
Ashley was the only one who called him Nicky. It didn’t seem right or
fair to his best friend to hear it come from someone else. The more he
thought about it and as Emily’s lips moved across his body and he started to
think with something other than his mind, Nick reasoned that Ashley hadn’t
treated him fairly either. Why should he cater to her preferences now?
Links to other sites on the Web
Get your own Free Home Page