Nick hummed tunelessly to the song on the radio, not really knowing what it was, as his Durango sped along the highway. Darkness enveloped the SUV and despite its three passengers: Nick, Bradley, and Ashley, the only sound was the radio and Nick’s gentle humming. Bradley, exhausted from their day at Disney World, slept so soundly in the backseat that you couldn’t even hear the deep, steady breaths that he took. Nick looked over at Ashley, who was staring wistfully out the window. He reached over and gently squeezed her knee, leaving one hand on the steering wheel and the other on her leg, “What are you thinking about, Brown Eyes?”
She traced the contours of his hand softly with her finger as it rested on her leg, a whimsical look on her face, “Just how much I’m going to miss this; miss you.”
“What do you mean?” Nick felt a sinking feeling come over him. He’d come to expect conversations like these more and more often with Ashley. They both knew that their friendship was changing and that they might lose it completely when she married Preston. Their time together over the past month had grown more and more precious, both of them attempting to ignore the rising feelings in their hearts. Their growing feelings were equally acknowledged and reciprocated in their hearts, but ignored in their minds.
“You know what I mean, Nicky. Things aren’t going to be the same,” she bent her head and brushed her lips against his hand; thinking about the many times that it had held her own, “Like today. We don’t have many of these left.”
Nick pulled his hand away abruptly and placed it back on the steering wheel. Didn’t she know what she was doing to him? “You’re choosing this, Ashley. You’re choosing to make it this way. You’re the only one who can stop this from happening.”
Ashley, as if she hadn’t heard what Nick had said, turned in her seat to look at her little brother, resting peacefully, “Promise me, that no matter how things change between us, that you’ll still be there for him.”
The now familiar feeling of agitation crept into Nick, “Damn it, Ashley. Stop this. Every time you say it I get more pissed off, because it doesn’t have to be this way. Why won’t you realize that?”
“Do you really have to do this, Nick? Right now?”
“Why not right now? It’s as good a time as any. You’ve already ruined the day by bringing it up. So let’s just go ahead and get it out in the open,” Nick’s voice rose uncharacteristically, reverberating off the close confines of the vehicle.
“Nick, I love Preston. Why can’t you just accept that?” Ashley’s voice met the same pitch as Nick’s.
“Because you don’t love Preston. I see you with him, Ashley, and you don’t love him.”
“Why are you guys fighting?” a tiny voice came out of the backseat.
Nick and Ashley’s eyes met briefly before Ashley turned around to face her brother and Nick glanced at him in the rear view mirror.
“We’re not fighting, pal, sometimes we disagree on stuff,” Nick answered gently.
“No, you were fighting. You yelled, Nick. You never yell,” Bradley’s brown eyes, replicas of his sister’s, were wide from being abruptly woken up, “When Mom and Dad are home, they fight, Ashley, and they yell, just like Nick did. Why did you get angry at each other?”
Nick and Ashley’s eyes met once more before she answered her brother, “It’s just that Nick and I have been friends so long, Brad, that we’re able to tell each other exactly how we feel and sometimes our voices get a little loud. It’s not like Mom and Dad. I promise it’s not.”
“Will you say sorry to each other?” Bradley inquired innocently.
Ashley turned to her best friend and smiled softly, seeing the same expression of shame written on his handsome face. An eight year old had more common sense and reason than they did.
“I’m sorry, Nicky. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset,” Ashley admitted.
Nick sighed, “Me, too, Brown Eyes. I really jumped down your throat and I shouldn’t have.” He glanced in the rear view mirror to see a pleased look on the little boy’s face.
“Is that better, little man?” Nick asked.
Bradley nodded happily, “Mom and Dad never say sorry to each other. Do your mom and dad say sorry, Nick?”
“Most of the time. They’re both pretty stubborn though,” Nick answered truthfully. He glanced at Ashley to see her reaction to Bradley’s observation of Mr. and Mrs. Kelly. A look of resentment took over her usually gentle features. She had struggled with them her whole life and he knew that she hated for Bradley to grow up in the loveless house that she had.
Before either of them could say another thing, Bradley spoke again, “Are we almost home?”
Bradley and Ashley had just planned on staying the night at Nick’s after going to Disney World.
“We’re getting off the highway right now,” Ashley answered, “and Nick’s house isn’t far from here. You can go back to sleep if you want and we’ll get you in the house.”
“No, I think I’m wide awake now,” Bradley was sitting up straight in his seat and leaning towards the front of the car, “Nick, maybe we could order pizza and play Dreamcast when we get home, just like that other time that I stayed the night at your house.”
Ashley smiled. They had spent an amazing day at Disney Land, Nick only being recognized once by a fan that stood in line behind them for the teacups. Ashley had assumed that Bradley would crash the second they got back to Nick’s.
“What’s this about pizza and Dreamcast, Nick?”
“Nick let me order pizza at midnight, Ashley, and we watched a movie off of pay-per-view, and then we played Dreamcast ‘til three in the morning,” Bradley’s voice was filled with excitement at the memory.
“Pizza at midnight, Nick? He’s eight,” Ashley teased him.
Nick grinned sheepishly, “I couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t sleep, and we were both hungry.”
“And Nick let me have Mountain Dew. Nick, Ashley never lets me have Mountain Dew. She says that it’s pure acid.”
Ashley sent him a teasing glare.
“We can order pizza, if it’s okay with your sister, all right?” Nick said steering the subject away from what had happened last time. He pulled the Durango onto the palm tree-lined street in the gated community that he lived in.
“Can we, Ashley?”
“Yep, we can do whatever you guys want. I’ll even sit there and watch you all play Sega, but I don’t know if I’ll last ‘til three in the morning.”
As it turned out Bradley was the one who didn’t last until three in the morning. He was almost asleep by the time the pizza arrived. Instead of playing Dreamcast, he agreed, with droopy eyes, to watch a movie, but only if Nick promised to play first thing in the morning. By the time the previews were over the little boy was sound asleep, snuggled soundly between Nick and Ashley on the couch.
Ashley and Nick ignored the movie, chosen by Bradley, which was of interest to neither one of them and spoke softly over his sleeping head.
“I wish he didn’t have to live with them,” Ashley said in reference to her parents and to Bradley’s inference of them earlier. She brushed a lock of unruly brown hair away from his forehead as he slept.
“You did and you turned out okay,” Nick commented softly, tucking a lock of her own hair behind her ears.
“But I hated my whole childhood with them. They made it very clear to me and to him that they didn’t want us. He knows that he was an accident in their eyes. The only time I was actually happy was when I was with you,” Ashley admitted.
“But at least he’s got you. He knows he can come stay with you any time he wants and he can come here any time I’m home.”
“Nick, Preston and I are moving to Orlando once we’re married,” she blurted out.
Nick couldn’t speak. They had just driven from Orlando to his house. It had taken an hour and a half and that was even with the way he drove.
“Say something, Nick.”
“Orlando? How long have you known this?”
“I knew that it would be the case even before we got engaged,” Ashley confessed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“So, maybe that’s why I didn’t tell you that I’m thinking of moving out to L.A.,” Nick spat out.
Ashley felt as if someone had kicked her in the stomach. Sure, they had survived Nick being overseas, but he had always come home to Florida, home to her. Orlando was at least in the same state as him. California was on the opposite coast.
“That’s why you were in L.A. so long, wasn’t it?”
Nick nodded, “It hurts, doesn’t it?”
Ashley didn’t answer his question, but asked one of her own, “If you were planning on moving to L.A. then why does it matter if I move to Orlando.”
Nick looked down and didn’t speak for a moment, “Because I just wanted you to feel the hurt that I felt for that brief instant, when you told me that you were choosing someone else over me.”
Neither of them knew what to say after that. Their gazes settled on Bradley for a moment before Nick opened his mouth again, “Our friendship is going to end on May 13th and that’s if we even make it that long.”
Ashley felt tears spring to her eyes, “Don’t say that, Nick. Please don’t say that.”
“It’s true. We can’t stop denying it, Brown Eyes.”
“Stop it, Nick, just stop it,” she rose from the couch, angrily wiping at her eyes, “Help me get Bradley to bed. I’m tired. I want to sleep, too.”
Nick sighed and straightened to his full height of just over six feet. He wasn’t going to get anywhere with her. He bent back down to pick Bradley up in his arms and made his way out of the entertainment room to the stairs. Ashley followed behind him after turning off the movie and flipping off the light switch, carrying the empty pizza box with her. Nick carried Bradley into one of two guest bedrooms and placed him in the middle of the bed after Ashley had pulled back the covers. The little boy had put his pajamas on before they’d started the movie. Ashley kissed her brother’s forehead softly before they backed out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind them.
“Goodnight, Nick,” Ashley turned away from him, without waiting for a response and went into the other guest room, closing the door behind her.
Nick stared at the closed door, feeling more shut off from her than
ever
before.
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