"How’s Christina?…And baby Joshua?…He did?…Tell them Daddy loves them…Yes, baby…Of course!…I love you, too, Kristen…Okay…I love you…Bye."
"Hey, Kev, now that you’ve been surgically removed from it, can I use your cell phone?"
"Just for that, AJ, I shouldn’t even let you near it, but go ahead and be quick about it."
"Sure, ‘Daddy’, whatever you say."
"You’ll see, AJ, you’ll see. One day you’ll find someone you love as much as I love Kristen and you’ll understand."
AJ half-smiled and walked towards his room. "If only you knew," he whispered after he closed the door behind him. He dialed the very familiar number, listened to the very familiar ring and waited for the very familiar voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mom."
"Alex? You sound so down, what’s wrong?"
"Nothing, Ma, I’m just tired."
"Don’t play games with me, Alex, I gave birth to your watermelon head, I can tell when something’s not right in Kansas."
"I found her."
Denise McLean proceeded with caution, sure she knew who her only child was speaking of, but not daring to risk being wrong. "Found who, sweetheart?"
"Her," AJ took a deep breath, "Indigo, I found her."
Silence.
"Mom, you still there?"
"Yeah, honey, I’m just a little…shall we say, shocked."
"Yeah, so was I."
"Well, how’d you find her?"
"Remember that new producer we came here to work with?"
"Sure. Midnight Rose, I think it was."
"Yeah, that’s right. Well, turns out, she’s Indigo."
Silence.
"Mom, you’re scaring me."
"Sorry, Alex, you’re just surprising me more and more. So, what’s the problem? I thought you wanted to find her."
"I did. I mean, I’m glad I found her, but now I have to work with her."
"But I’m sure if you told the others that you didn’t want to…"
"That’s just the thing. I want to work with her. I mean, you heard the samples, she’s really good. But we’ve barely spoken and it’s not that comfortable a situation."
"What’s her take on this?"
"She wanted to drop the project as soon as she found out, but Brian and Kevin talked her out of it."
"Didn’t she know it was you before you all got there?"
"No. Her manager had arranged it as a surprise."
"Some surprise."
"Yeah, same thing Brian said."
"I have a feeling there’s more to this than you just being uncomfortable."
"Do you have eyes in the back of your head or something?"
"No, the doctor just didn’t cut the umbilical cord properly, now talk!"
"You know, Mom, that could have been traumatic, you’ve got me examining my belly button as we speak."
"Alex!"
"Okay, okay. See, the thing is, we voted on whether we should stay on the project or not and we had a 4-1."
"Wait, if you voted for it, who was against it?"
"Nick. But I’m getting to that! Give me a minute for Pete’s sake!"
"Sorry! Go ahead, I’m listening."
"Well, when we asked Nick why he didn’t want to do it, he said that it wasn’t fair to everyone else to make a record we couldn’t be proud of just so I could get into the producer’s pants."
"Ouch!"
"Yeah, exactly, so, I’m stuck having a moral dilemma over here about whether I’m being selfish or not."
"Let me teach you a little something my dear Alexander. First of all, there’s nothing wrong with being selfish every now and again as long as you don’t make a habit of it. Second, sometimes, you’ve got to take matters into your own hands. Talk to her, Alex. Don’t push her to say more than she’s willing, but at least let her know that you want to know what happened. And don’t doubt your reasons for doing this. We both know you’re also there because she’s a great producer."
"Thanks, Mom."
"No problem, honey. It’s my job."
"Sure. Oh – and Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Please don’t call me Alexander."
``````````````````````````
Indigo was doing some tedious busy work when her secretary buzzed her.
"Yes, Lucy?"
"Mr. McLean is here to see you." Indigo’s eyes couldn’t have popped any wider, "Excuse me?"
"Mr. McLean. He’s come to see you. He knows that he doesn’t have an appointment but he says it’s important that he speak to you." She hesitated a moment before answering, "Send him in." If Indigo thought seeing all the boys yesterday was nerve-wracking, this encounter with AJ was about to prove her wrong. She held her breath until AJ opened the door and came in.
He didn’t look like the outgoing person he normally was. In fact, he looked rather shy. "Um, I hope I’m not interrupting anything."
"No, no you’re not. Please, sit down."
AJ sat while looking around her office and Indigo sat across from him behind her desk. "So, AJ, what’s – I mean, how can I help you?"
He half smiled, "Sorry about getting on your case the other day. I was just…taken aback because I wasn’t expecting to see you."
"Yeah. Same here."
An uncomfortable silence ensued which AJ had to find the courage to break.
"So, uh, I’m sure you know by now what the group’s decision is."
"I’m assuming that you guys somehow convinced Nick to do this."
"Yeah, we did. But, that’s not what I came here to talk to you about."
"Oh? Then, what do you want to talk about?"
AJ looked down and started twisting the rings on his fingers, "You see, the thing is, everyone keeps going on back and forth about this ‘history’ that could get in the way. But, the history isn’t really theirs. It’s ours." Even though he wasn’t looking at her, AJ knew Indigo well enough to know that she was playing with a pen now so that she could avoid looking at him. "Before you start getting nervous or upset or whatever, I’m only here to let you know why I’m on this project."
She peeked at him behind lidded eyes, "Why is that?"
"Because I listened to the samples and I heard excellence."
"Thank you."
"But I can’t sit here and say that our history means nothing to me. It means a lot."
"In what way?"
He looked up at her for the first time, "I cherish what we had, I hate how it ended."
"AJ…"
"Wait. I’m just here to tell you that I have no intention of pretending that anything never happened. And I’m not going to deny that I have a lot of questions that I would love to get answers for. And I also won’t deny that I wish that we were in a different…situation than we are. But I’m not doing this record just so I can get that information. I want to make music with my brothers and a great new producer. End of story."
Indigo raised a skeptical eyebrow, "And nothing else?"
"It’s like I said, I’ve got questions and I want answers. But I’m not going to push. Hopefully, you’ll tell me at the right time. But that time is not in the studio. In the studio, we are producer and artist and maybe, one day, we can even be friends, inside and outside the studio. I’m just here to let you know that you don’t have to tip toe around me. I don’t have this massive amount of anger just waiting to explode at you."
"Trust me, that’s very comforting."
"I was hoping it would be." He sighed deeply, "Look, I can’t go out of this room without trying, so, I’ll get it out of my system now. Why?"
The beginnings of a smile curved her mouth till she took in his solemn expression. "I’m not really ready to talk about that."
He sighed again, "Understood. Will I see you tomorrow?"
"Nope. Tomorrow’s Friday, I don’t work. The five of you should be scheduled for Monday or Tuesday."
"Okay, well, I’ll see you then." Having said all this, he got up and began to walk toward the door.
"AJ, wait."
He turned to face her and watched as she stood and headed for him till she was a mere inches away.
"I know that there’s a lot you don’t know, because there’s a lot that I haven’t told you. You deserve to know exactly what happened two years ago…and also what’s happened since. I’m hiding a lot, but only because I’m not ready to tell it, and frankly, I don’t think you’re ready to hear it.
But, I have to thank you so much, for coming to talk to me. I was so worried and you took this weight off my shoulders. I only hope you mean what you say."
"Every word."
"Good. And just so you know I mean what I say, here." She pulled him in for a brief and friendly hug.
"Thanks, Sky, that means a lot. See you Monday?"
"See you on Monday."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dear Diary,
Well, it looks like he’s back in my life again. I ran as far as I could from AJ two years ago but it’s about time that I face the music. Did I ever tell you what happened between us? Well, I met him when I was a sophomore in college at my part time job at the flower shop. He left his e-mail address and we talked online for about four months before we actually started dating. The relationship lasted for almost three more years until four months after my graduation.
AJ and I were quite serious by then and up until that point, we weren’t…intimate. And even though I knew he wanted it, AJ was so sweet and kind and patient with me. After three years of loving him, I started to feel guilty about holding back that aspect of my love. So, I had sex with him. And I woke up the next morning feeling even worse. I knew I had done it for all the wrong reasons. So, I left. Actually, there’s a hell of a lot more to it than that but there are not enough episodes of Jenny Jones to be able to fix those issues. But, anyway, I left. With only a Dear John letter that said it was over because I couldn’t stand to be there anymore, that I was very sorry but it had to be this way. All before he woke up. I moved from Orlando back up to New York where I had grown up.
And two years later, he walks back into my life. Literally. I have to work
with him and the other Boys on a new track for their fourth US album. And
I’m frightened. Literally. Common sense tells me that I have nothing to
worry about. That AJ will check his resentment at the door. That Nick’s
anger will fade with time. That no one will ask me questions about the past
I don’t want to answer. But my fear tells me otherwise. I only hope that
things won’t be too tense. It’d be a shame to fight this hard to create
crap. There are a lot of high expectations coming into this project. And I
mean to fulfill them. If they go away thinking I’m a bitch or that I’m evil
or sneaky, I’ll still be okay. As long as they go away thinking I’m a damn
good producer. That’s the thought that will be my safety, my rock. "They
came to you, you’ve got to be good."
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