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Return to part 2.

Rating/Warnings: R; Violence; slash (Obi/Qui; Qui/Xan); possible death of a character
Summery: After an explosive fight, Obi-Wan storms off broken hearted and leaves Qui-Gon's world in shambles. Both struggle to come to terms with what's happened and the "deeper meanings" behind Qui-Gon's dream of Xanatos.
Please direct feed back to: marjorievonnordeck@yahoo.com It's all so very welcomed... Remember it's the only way I'll get better. (So bring it on, all of it! Comments, concerns, suggestions - good, bad, or otherwise; they're always welcome)
Special Thanks to Sue, who has been my ever so helpful beta reader as this story has panned out.

Qui-Gon's POV:

"Calm your self you must," Yoda spoke softly, "meditate you must. Qui-Gon, find your Padawan *I* must. Dangerous to himself and others he is right now. To the gardens you will go and meditate you will."

"Yes, master." I was utterly defeated and destroyed, and what is worst is that I did it to myself. I got up and moved toward the door.

"Get dressed first you must," he said with a gentle poke of his gimmer stick. I looked down at my open robe, I had forgotten that I was in only sleep pants.

"Yes, master," was the only safe answer I could muster, it was an easy, automated answer I could say to any superior.

I went into my room, the sight of my, our bed; the bed Obi-Wan and I had shared for the last year and a half... ever since our relationship had progressed into the physical. One look at our bed and I nearly feel to my knees crying. I held myself upright, how I don’t know, and the tears, they fell, but they fell silently.

I quickly dressed and turned to the desk to restrain my hair in the silver clasp I keep on display there... My body shook when I touched it, the simple silver clasp, a round metal ring that Obi-Wan had given me on my last name day. I leaned on the desk and my fingers fumbled as I remembered that moment....

... "Master," he had said so nervously, "I mean, Qui-Gon... I know possession is... forbidden, but I got you this. It’s nothing really." He handed me a little blue box tied with a silver gray ribbon. The effect of the two colours together was much like the colour of his eyes. What I found was a simple silver hair clasp, with no decoration, except a small inscription on the inside that read: To QG From OW...

... My tears came harder as I snapped the clasp shut. I went to the fresher and washed my face in a futile attempt to stop the tears. I left with out a word to Yoda, who made no complaint.

I was on auto pilot headed toward the garden of a thousand fountains. I sighed, would I go to everyplace Obi-Wan cherished and frequented? 'Of course you will, you old fool,' I scolded myself, 'everything he cherished and loved is within the walls of this Temple. Including you, and now he’s fleeing, because of you.'

I knelt in the sand that surrounded a carefully groomed tree. I took in a deep breath, and then another, and another, and at last my tears subsided as I slowly found my center. "There is no emotion," I whispered, "there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion," I nearly choked on the word, "there is serenity." I forced myself on, "There is no death, there is the force. Tell me, and show me, and guide me, and let me know what your will is, I am but your tool, I am nothing without the force."

'Force,' I begged silently, 'please, I need your guidance. What is it, your will? Shall I seek Obi-Wan for solace in the hope of healing the hurts I've caused, or should I seek Xanatos, as he is the cause of all of this, be it my fault or his, Xanatos is at the root of this. I give myself to your guidance, what is the will of the force?'

"Obi-Wan, I beg you; forgive me, for I have done more than hurt you and I..." I whispered aloud, "...I have thrown us out of balance with the force." I wasn't making any sense, even my meditation had become jumbled.

Foot steps, too heavy to be Obi-Wan approached me. I grew silent but did not open my eyes to see who it was. A hand on my shoulder, one I knew very well, but no! 'NO! Xanatos, he can not be here!' My eyes opened and I stared up at a very frightened Mace Windu. He had jumped back when he felt my anger and fear. "Forgive me, Mace," I said in a small, soft whisper, "I thought it was him... again."

"Can you sense your Padawan?" he asked without missing a beat.

I concentrated for a moment, tried to reach him across our training bond, "I don't know where he is. His shields are too strong... I know only that he is still here on Coruscant, somewhere."

Suddenly I felt another comforting presence, familiar and yet, disquieting. At this point I couldn't tell the difference between reality and imagined feelings, 'You're going quite insane, Jinn,' I thought nearly laughing at the absurdity of my own thoughts.

Standing up I ran past Mace and out of the temple. Again, I felt that old familiar presence, a bond that I had long since banished, it was back, barely but it was back. "Xanatos!" I said softly but with all the anger and pain I had in me. Wether it was the bond or the force I was following I didn't know, but I was soon getting out of the areas of Coruscant that I knew well. I found myself in the trashier parts of town, somewhere in the mid levels.

I froze.

I felt a tremor in the force. I grew cold and my palms began to sweat. 'Think Jinn, what's his next move? Where's the back door he always leaves? Think! You know Xanatos better perhaps than he knows himself.'

Continue on to part 4.