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Disclaimer: This is a Fan Fiction, witch uses Charters, People, and Places copyrighted to Gorge Lucas and Lucas Arts. No money was made from the writing of this story. There is no intent to plagiarize or steel charters, people, or places copyrighted to Lucas.
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Rating/Warnings: R; Violence; slash (Obi/Qui; Qui/Xan); possible death of a character
Summery: Continuation of part 1/?
Please direct feed back to: marjorievonnordeck@yahoo.com it's all so very welcomed... Remember it's the only way I'll get better. (So bring it on, all of it! Comments, concerns, suggestions - good, bad, or otherwise; they're always welcome.)
Special Thanks to Sue, who has been my ever so helpful beta reader as this story has panned out.
From Obi-Wan's POV:
"No, Master!"
'How could he?'
"Not Xanatos!" I was horrified; I hardly believed that I had heard him call me that name. "Obi-Wan!" I said stupidly, unnecessarily, as I could tell by his own look of horror that he had suddenly realised it was indeed me and not Xanatos he was with.
I was hurt beyond reason. I was suffocating, I had to get out. 'He loves Xanatos, he always did, how could he love you? Obi-Wan, you fool!' I ran out of the room as fast as I could. I flew out of our apartment intent on never coming back.
Qui-Gon screamed something as he pursued me, I couldn't make out the words, but his desperation turned my gaze to his. 'He's incredible!' I thought, 'what gall! What do you want Qui-Gon Jinn!?!'
My tears flowed.
"Obi-Wan, please, I'm so sorry," he broke down into tears as he spoke. My heart was breaking and my trust had been destroyed and HE was crying! "Forgive me Obi-Wan, please, I didn't mean... It was a dream, I'm so, so sorry Obi-Wan. So very sorry, Obi-Wan."
'A dream? A dream, he's been dreaming about Xanatos!'
This was too much! He tried to hug me, 'How dare he!' I threw up my hands and backed away coldly. "Don’t touch me!" the words came out of my mouth but I had no control over them. Years of fear and doubt that I was an unworthy Padawan came out with more years as his lover, feeling ever inadequate, always compared to a ghost. No, he never loved me! "I'm not the one you want!"
"Can you ever forgive me? Obi-Wan, my Obi-Wan, I love you so much." How could he even ask!?
"NO!" Of course I can't, 'but you love him still, foolish sentiment,' I thought, he'll never love me; he belongs to another, he loves one he can never have. "No, I'm not yours, not your Obi-Wan," but I knew I was, even as I spoke the words, even as my hate flowed. I would always be HIS Obi-Wan. "YOU don’t want ME, you want HIM, you want Xanatos. You never loved me!"
I think those words hurt me more than they hurt him, the final admission that all of my fears where true.
My feet hurt as much as my heart as I stomped off down the hall ignoring my friends and fellow Jedi that chased after me.
"Obi-Wan, what happened?" and "Obi-Wan, are you ok?" is all I heard, and before I knew it I was thrashing around one of the meditation gardens.
"You will stop that now, Padawan Kenobi!"
I spun around, "Who in Sith hell!?"
It was Mace; I stopped but didn't speak any more. I stormed passed him and out of the garden. I made for the temple exit, the Temple didn't deserve this, nor did the Jedi it housed. My anger, my hate, my destruction was aimed at myself, fool that I am that I had let myself truly and completely fall in love with a man that loved someone else.
"Will I ever be whole again?" I fought back the tears and left the temple.