Phuket Sunset

Thailand If there could ever be a trip conceived in food-based cravings, this was it. I learned to love Thai food in college, with significant help from my Thai buddy, Jeff. After a few meals filled with coconut milk, lemongrass, peanuts, and cilantro, and chili peppers, I was hooked-- and felt that I would have to visit Thailand before I could consider my life complete. So, after being conveniently laid off in East Asia, I unloaded a few frequent flier miles in exchange for a luxurious trip to Thailand! Fortunately for me (in my jobless state), it doesn't take much cash to have a luxurious trip in Thailand. My primary destination was Phuket, but I figured that I ought to see Bangkok on the way down. Khao San, Bangkok I checked in at the very reasonable Thai Hotel in Bangkok, and proceeded to map out my time in the capital of Thailand. Ok, so I didn't spend much time mapping that evening. I wanted to dine on native Thai food! I busted out of the hotel and launched myself into the street. Empty. I looked left. Empty. I looked right. Empty. I realized that my hotel wasn't exactly in the middle of a bustling part of town. I decided to choose a direction and walk until I found something interesting. I went left and walked for about 10 minutes before I saw lights and heard the sounds of a crowd. A quick left, a right, and then... BAM! I walked smack into the middle of a bohemian paradise! Thai women beckoned me from all sides, asking if I wanted a massage, while others were selling pad-thai for $0.15, and sandal-wearing tourists walked up and down the car-less street in endless streams. Internet cafes were packed with men and women with corn-rowed hair. Street vendors sold everything from woodcrafts, to silk, to diamonds, to Nike hats. I was blown away. I didn't know where to start, so I simply walked the length of the street I later determined to be Khao San in the Banglamphu area of Bangkok. Two things stood out to me as I walked the street: body piercings and unbelievably cheap stuff. It dawned on me that for the price of 4 years of U.S. private school, you could live on this street for your entire life in the lap of Thai luxury. From the looks of things, it appeared that some American youth had figured that out and were well on their way to spending their parents' money on a life in Thailand! Heck, with all of the internet cafes there, and with the improvements to online-learning, you could probably live in Thailand and still get a degree at an American university. Anyway, enough American cultural commentary. I was visiting to explore THAILAND, not AMERICA. I gathered my courage and ordered a 15-cent pad Thai dish from a street vendor, and ate it hungrily as I walked down the street. I had another one at the far end of the street, then found myself enjoying the experience so much that I went on to try half the street vendors in that place. Unfortunately, the vendors weren't selling much else besides pad Thai, so I decided to sit down and order food from a restaurant-looking place. Good call. I continued my feast with a green curry, rice, and beer. I finished the evening with a few street-vended desserts I found on my way home. I went to sleep full, happy, and almost as wealthy as when I began. I think I spent $4 that evening.

Tuk-Tuk Adventures

The next day I decided to see all of Bangkok. I wanted to get down to Phuket, so I had a single day to do the whole city. Eager to get out and see the town, I cut short my planning time and simply started walking. (Note to self: plan more next time!) I was quickly approached by a Tuk-Tuk driver in his little Tuk-Tuk (Tuk-Tuk: Fun-sounding name of a little mini-car. Used like a cheap taxi. See photo to the left.) Amazingly, this driver invited me to a "TOUR OF ALL BANGKOK" for about $0.25!! A little dubious, but willing to try, I got in and took off to the first sight: the Golden Buddha.

<-- Inside of Tuk-Tuk

I wandered around for a while until I spotted it-- a giant golden Buddha. Yup. Golden. Buddha. That's what it was. A little bit strange. A little bit inspiring. Unfortunately, my Tuk-Tuk driver was inspired by more earthly things. Cash, for instance. He happily waited for me as I wandered the grounds of the Buddha, but when I returned, he asked me if I wanted to buy a suit. Actually, it was more like he TOLD me that I needed a suit, and that he knew just the place where I could find one. Feeling tenderly unemployed, I quickly reminded him that I had no job, little money, and had, in fact, too many suits for the kinds of jobs that I would most likely find next. Undeterred, he continued to insist that I needed a new suit. "Everybody need new suit, " he said in broken English, his gleaming smile starting to fade. "Everybody but ME, need new suit," I replied. My Tuk-Tuk driver moved to his next tactic: "I help you, you help me!" I began to see that my bargain basement Bangkok tour was actually funded by a certain unknown suit vendor. Not interested in suit shopping during my single precious day in Bangkok, I offered to pay the driver more, to make up for not visiting the suit shop. He was not pleased by this idea, and said again, still smiling, "I help you, you help me! Just visit, don't need to buy!" Eager to please my driver, I finally agreed to go to the suit shop. Perhaps there would be a bargain there which I couldn't pass up! Or perhaps I could simply learn from the experience and keep the place in mind for when I someday actually did need a suit. So, off we went to the suit shop, my Tuk-Tuk driver smiling happily as we motored through the smoggy streets.

A few minutes later, we arrived at the now infamous suit shop (I forget the name), and pulled up next to a half-dozen other parked Tuk-Tuks, docked at their mother like nursing piglets. My wisdom and wariness grew by the second, but, confident of my amateur acting abilities, I walked into the shop and pretended to be interested. I was immediately approached by a well-dressed but greedy-looking salesman, who quickly sat me down and put a picture catalog in front of me. I learned that they could imitate any design and make my suit from scratch, all for about $140. After my Khao San experience the night before, this seemed pricey, so I mustered my strength for 15 minutes of "acting" interested. I inquired about tuxedos, suits, shirts, and accessories, and looked through 3 different books before I declared that everything was too expensive and walked out of the shop. Eager to continue with my tour of the city, and rather pleased with myself for saving money on a day-long tour by putting up with 15 minutes of sales pitching, I greeted my Tuk-Tuk driver with a smile and asked him to take me to the next stop. He obliged my request and started the little vehicle, but before moving into traffic he turned in his chair and asked me, "Why you no buy suit?" I calmly told him that I was not interested in a suit, but would love to see the rest of the city. He seemed to agree, and so we puttered down the street to the Marble Palace. Suddenly, however, he stopped the car and asked me again, "Why you no buy suit?" A bit concerned, I wondered what I could do to convince this guy that I didn't want a suit. Again, I offered to pay extra for the day-long tour, and again, he dismissed the idea. The well used phrases, "Why you no buy suit?" and "I help you, you help me!" filled the air in response to my explanations for why I did not need a suit. Finally, I was fed up and pulled out my money for the day's tour and offered it to him, saying that I would now leave and get a different driver. After one last "Why you no buy suit?" he asked me to stay in the car and agreed to take me to my next destination: the Marble Palace.

<-- Marble Palace

The Marble Palace was BEAUTIFUL. Clean, striking, and very Thai, I was instantly hooked by this architectural style. In particular, I loved to see the bird-like sculptures that projected out from the tips of the roof. They were somehow simultaneously calming and powerful. Inspiring. The Tuk-Tuk driver, on the other hand, was neither inspiring nor inspired. When I returned to him after wandering around the Marble Palace, he gave the suit trick one last attempt before instructing me to get my next ride from a different driver. Unfortunately, this driver charged a realistic price of about $0.60 for a one way trip to my next stop: The Grand Palace.

The Rest of Bangkok

<-- The Grand Palace <-- Mosaic Statue

The Grand Palace was indeed grand, with extensive mosaics covering the surfaces of most buildings within the palace grounds. I thought that I would never see more mosaic art than when I visited Ravenna, Italy, but I have to say that these took the cake. Little stone squares of deep blues, greens, gold, and silver coated statues, walls, pillars, and doorways. If it weren't for all the Bangkok smog, I would have been blinded by the light reflected by those stones!

After the Grand Palace I decided to find some lunch, so I wandered over to a river-front cafe for some-- you guessed it-- Thai food! My friends told me that most folks get sick at least once during a visit to Thailand, and while I had a bag full of painstakingly translated instructions for my expensive Japanese stomach medicine, I wanted to avoid using it at all costs. So, after one whiff of the river beneath this little cafe, I decided to avoid the fish and go for some excessively cooked meat. Garlic chili ribs and rice, with some Thai-style condiments on the side, rounded out my lunch in style.

<--Mark in River Boat! <-- You got the right boat, Baby! Uh huh!

Next stop, riverboat tour. I thought, what better way to see lots of Bangkok and avoid all of the dirty smog than to take a riverboat tour? Well, instead of dirty air, I got dirty water. This was not your ordinary dirty water. This was bath water, drinking water, sewer water, exhaust water, and boat engine coolant water, all conveniently rolled into this thing called a river. I wandered down to the docks and before I knew what was happening I found myself unloading cash to a friendly woman and being ushered quickly to a long, skinny "longtail" boat for a 1-hour tour. Look out, Gilligan. Unfortunately, the boat ride was so expensive that it used up all my cash until my next ATM visit, so despite the multiple opportunities for me to get out of the boat and see various sights, I had to pass them up for lack of entrance fee cash. Still, the boat ride was worthwhile, as I managed to see lots of Bangkok while staying relatively cool and relaxed. We didn't even stop by a single suit shop!! (I was pretty uncomfortable during the boat-ride, however, and was pleased when it was over. The "longtail" boat was so skinny that the nasty river "water" continuously splashed onto me, almost like an amusement park ride. I appear to have emerged from the trip without any "uninvited guests," but that was probably mostly luck.)

<--Sperm Game at Mall

After my boat ride I decided to see the modern side of Bangkok, so I made a quick stop at an ATM before grabbing a taxi down to Siam Square. This was the place to be if you didn't want to be bothered by all those "cultural nuances" that distinguish Bangkok from, oh, say, New York? I felt right at home as an American here. A somewhat disgustedly comfortable American, but comfortable nonetheless. Here you could find all your standard multinational corporate logos and venues: Hard Rock Cafe, American movies, KFC, MacDonalds, Sizzler. I discovered a Carlsburg beer "beer fest" complete with a live Thai band, but didn't stay long before I decided to catch a ride home and have dinner back at Khoa San. Before I leave this section completely, however, I must mention that there was a very peculiar display set up in the mall at Siam Square. Check out the picture of the sperm game above for 1000 words-worth of the inside story.

Phuket

Aaaahhhhh, Phuket. My target destination. My beach paradise. My chance to do absolutely nothing for a whole week! Eager to begin my week of doing nothing, I hurried to the Bungtao Lagoon Bungalo (Phone: 076-324-260) and checked into my "beach view" room. Technically speaking, I could see the beach from my room, but it wasn't quite the effect I had hoped for. If I turned off the A/C I could occasionally hear a wave crash, too. See the "view" for yourself:

<-- Beach View Room

Nevertheless, I was determined to enjoy myself, so I wandered out to the beach-- and took a look around...

<-- Looking Left ... ... ... Looking Right -->

I had finally arrived, and it was beautiful. I was actually pretty proud of myself for picking this place out. Bungtao Lagoon Bungalo is found at the southern end of Bang Thao Beach. This was a quiet beach, with a handful of posh resorts, where rooms range in price from $200 to $1000 per day! Bungtao Lagoon Bungalo, on the other hand, costs $20-$40 per day, and no matter what you pay, you all share the same beach! In fact, I had access to all the same restaurants, horseback riding, sailboat rentals, and massage ladies as the folks paying $500 per day.

Most days at the beach I simply woke up, ate breakfast, and read a book or two or three under a tree facing the tropical blue water. When I got hungry I would amble down the beach until I found a restaurant that looked nice, then sit down and enjoy a two hour feast of whatever caught my fancy. Usually I would pick out a fresh fish or tiger prawn and ask them to cook it for me. A beer here, some wine there, perhaps a little pad-thai or some other exotic dish. I usually picked a table that was actually sitting in the sand, with the ocean lapping the shore a few feet away. Cheesy renditions of famous old American songs played in the background. I'll never forget sitting one evening, drinking a German beer in a Thai beach restaurant, listening to "Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Old Oak Tree."

Occasionally I gathered my strength for an adventure away from the comfort of my little beach. The primary purpose was to seek out new restaurants, but I also wanted to see what the other tourists were doing down in Phuket. My first stop was Patong beach. Patong was PACKED with people-- a regular frat party transplanted onto a Thai beach! (BTW, I heard that Karon Beach was cheaper and less packed, but still fun.) I quickly found refuge in a classy restaurant called Baan Rim Pa. I snuck in just before 4pm, and the place was completely empty, so I nabbed a choice spot right at the edge of the deck, overlooking the water...

<-- View from Deck at Baan Rim Pa.

Apparently things picked up later, so I was forced to agree to leave by 6pm. No problem! I sat down, soaked up the view, enjoyed the attentive service of a perfectly dressed and mannered staff, and, oh yes, had some food, too. I enjoyed a wonderful duck curry, with a "southern style" chicken and coconut milk soup, and a side of steamed Thai veggies. All that and a glass of wine for about $20! In the U.S. I would have expected to pay $70-$100 for a meal like that, simple as it was. Everthing was perfect, and I stayed right until my 6pm deadline.

The other memorable place I visited during my hops around Phuket was Promthep Cape. A friendly Tuk-Tuk driver told me that this was the place in Phuket to catch a sunset, so I decided to check it out. Fortunately for me and the 500 other people there, there was a beautiful sunset that evening, and I captured it with my little digital Elph...

<-- Sunset at Promthep Cape, Phuket

After sunset I found another great place to eat: Sala Bua Restaurant. The atmosphere was stylish, tropical, and romantic, set in a quiet nook between the main street and beach in Patong. I highly recommend it.

One final note-- Thailand is a beautiful country with an extraordinary food tradition. It is also a great place to shop. I know that I made quite a mockery of the Tuk-Tuk driver and his hard suit sell, but the quality of the clothing made in Thailand is excellent, and the price is often laughably low. If you need suits, tuxedos, dress shirts-- even wedding gowns, you'll get a high quality item quickly in Thailand, at a fraction of the cost of an American or European equivalent. Even the bargain land of Hong Kong seemed expensive in comparison to Thailand. Just something to think about before your next trip...

------SPECIAL PHUKET BEACH UPDATE!!------

There are three categories of beach in Phuket:

1. Minimal Civilization. Bung Tao Beach. A wide range of places to stay, from the most expensive ($600/night) to the fairly cheap ($20/night). I stayed at the Bung Tao Bungalo and enjoyed the price of the cheaper lodging, but could partake in the luxury features (boats, beach, restaurants, etc. I'm not sure about the golf, though-- that might only be open to guests of specific resorts.) of the more expensive places. There were VERY FEW people at this beach, and it was a great place to sit and do absolutely nothing. You could get internet access at the Bungalo each evening for a few hours for a small fee. The closest town was about a 15-20 minute walk, and was NOT a tourist town, but had a little supermarket where you could buy lots of Western goods (though I never needed to buy anything there-- the Bungalo also had a tiny market on-site). There were some very nice restaurants on the beach, all serving excellent Thai food-- and I consider myself to be a "Thai Food Snob" ;-) -- but not the finest. The best food/ambiance could be found at the restaurants near the crowded Patong Beach.

2. Medium Civilization. Karon Beach. This beach had more of the peaceful beach atmosphere of Bung Tao, but also had a little town right on the beach, which makes for a more interesting night life and also makes it easier to tap into the tourism industry resources you find in Phuket. I think of this place like a middle ground between Bung Tao and Patong Beaches. I never actually stopped here, but drove through it several times and it seemed like the "just right" option if I were to visit Phuket again.

3. Maximum Civilization. Patong Beach. This place is a wild and crazy cross between Las Vegas, Mardi Gras, Carnival Cruises, and a Frat Party. Throw them all together with some really cheap alcohol prices and you have Patong beach. Loads of tourists pour up and down the streets each night and day, shopping for bargains, hitting the beach, living the good life on the cheap, and generally having a very good time in a tourist haven (but separated from the true spirit of Thailand). I visited Patong a few times when I needed to simply go out and see other people. Bars face the street and there are hundreds of them, all with Thai women paid to attract you to THEIR bar. (Beware the cross-dressing attractors...). There are zillions of travel agencies willing to launch you on every imaginable tour and trip throughout Thailand, and there are also zillions of internet cafes that can connect you to the world for a dollar or two. Outside of my categorization lies the "no civilization" category, where you can get the cheapest accommodations, and also the most risky places to stay. As far as I'm concerned, you can eliminate just about all "risk" by going to places charging more than $20/night for their minimum room. I didn't do much research on the "no civilization" category.