|
Paragraph Evaluation
The following are samples of paragraphs submitted by students.
Read each one carefully and mark down any errors or comments that
you wish to make. Using the marking scheme, assign a mark to each
paragraph.
Example #1 Contrast
Music from the ninteen fifties is very different from music
today. First, music from the fifties had a lot of blues in it.
The music of today is "rap". In the fifties songs were all written
about someone losing a lover and all of their pain and problems.
Today's music is all about guys finding ways to get a girl's
attention, (and vice versa), sex and drugs. Fifties music was all
real instruments such as piano's, guitar's and drums, while today's
music is all electronic machines such as drum machines. As a
whole, music from the fifties is very different from the music we
listen to today.
(107 words)
topic sentence \5
content (arrangement, quality) \10
spelling, grammar, transitional words \5
Example #2-- Contrast
Although downhill skiing and figure skating are both winter
sports, they are totally different. First, of all, for downhill
skiing you have skis, plastic boots and poles. For figure skating,
you have leather boots and steel blades. The length of downhill
skis is usually from the ground to your wrist extended above your
head, but skate blades aren't too much longer than your foot.
Skiing is performed on snow while skating is performed on ice. Ski
boots buckle up but skates lace up. Skis are made in a variety of
colours, however figure skates are made only in three
colours--white and beige for girls and black for boys. Finally, in
downhill skiing, you mainly make left and right turns down a hill.
In figure skating you do figure eights, dance steps, jumps and
spins. All in all, downhill skiing and figure skating are two very
different winter sports.
(148 words)
topic sentence \5
content (arrangement, quality) \10
spelling, grammar, transitional words \5
...2
PARAGRAPH SAMPLES P.2
Example #3 --Contrast
The differences between night and day are very much like the
differences between black and white. Because night is dark it
becomes very mysterious, it is when the "unknown" linger about and
therefore night is related to evil. Day on the other hand tends to
give people a more positive outlook. Day means light , which gives
a feeling security to most.
(61 words)
Example #4--A Comparison
A perfect friend is someone who resembles all of my friends, who
without I'd live a boring and sheltered life. This perfect friend
would be trustworthy and keep an important piece of information
confidential, honesty would prevail and have a terrific personality
which would keep me smiling for all days to come. Also this friend
would be kind and warm to all new students, would be fun to be with
and respect people and their property. My friends are trustworthy
and keep important pieces of information confidential, honesty
prevails and they all have terrific personalities which keep me
smiling always. Also they are all kind and warm to all new
students, are fun to be with and respect people and their
property. A perfect friend matches exactly with my friends but
mine are a bit better, they're real.
(138 words)
Example #5-- A Comparison
Dogs and cats are (usually) very different from one another,
with the exception of my cat Dorian and dog, Bailey. Dorian loves
table scraps, likes to play with a ball and comes when he's called.
He also likes to go for long walks with me. Afterwards he curls up
either on my bed or in the sunshine and sleeps for a few hours.
Bailey, the dog, loves table scraps, likes to play with a ball and
comes when he's called. He also likes to go for long walks with
me. Afterwards, he curls up either on my bed or in the sunshine
and sleeps a few hours. It's funny that Dorian and Bailey hate
each other.
(116 words)
|