I started by going on a methadone reduction program. I only recommend this for someone who's been using for a long time, ie. 2yrs+ - otherwise it's best to just cluck it out with Britlofex and support if you can; in any case it's probably best to stay on methadone for as little time as possible as the withdrawals are longer. Subutex is probably the best substitute, better than methadone as far as withdrawing is concerned. I would treat valium with extreme caution as I was prescribed it for two years and the withdrawals were horrendous, worse than smack and much longer lasting.

I then put my name down at the drug agency for a place in rehab and started reducing my medication. Rehab is the best way, because you get that precious time away from old environments for you to heal physically, and mentally to prepare for what's ahead. The longer the program the better.

You must do your withdrawal in a safe environment, eg. parents house; hospital detox facility (funded); good friend who doesn't use. After 4 days (or 7 if detoxing from methadone), go on to Naltrexone (opiate blocking drug) and go to rehab.........

I wish it was as easy as that! For me, after starting then leaving rehab 5 times and experiencing relapse after relapse, but never really ending my affair with drugs - letting everyone down over and over - it came to the point where I had to ask myself, 'Am I going to recover or not?' It was just like when I realised I was going from being a dabbler to being a fully blown addict and I asked myself at that point, 'Am I going to be an addict?' - but that time the question came too late. But at last I decided to enter recovery fully.

Recovery takes resolve and determination: at this point everything seemed hopeless and I felt I would never be able to build a life worth the hard work of recovering. I had to say to myself many times a day, 'Whatever I feel or whatever comes my way, I will not use: I have a choice' (I'm still doing that now! 'One day at a time...'). The days were full of mistakes and confusion as I learned to live life all over again, everything scary and new with no coping skills. Finding my real self again after being lost in the darkness of addiction: new feelings, emotions and pain I didn't even realise I had - in all this, I stayed clean and the day was a success.

The recovery process is so slow I had to learn patience, keeping in sight the hope that I will recover and live again. There is no one factor that gets us clean, just like no one factor got us addicted. Everything that is a help is a help - parents, doctors, clean friends, dogs, goldfish - anything you enjoy that is healthy - counselling, books, church, help groups, rehab, exercise, relaxation, distraction, 12 steps and NA stuff, God, and a belief that you're actually worth the effort.

Believing you're worth it is probably the hardest part to work out, as your self-esteem and self-worth plunges to an all time record low and is as hard to recover from as the addiction itself. I was lucky that someone showed me love and taught me I was better than I thought I was. Look for help, find it, don't let it go - cling to hope and resist temptation. ............. choose life!!