As I walked along the pathway of life long ago it seemed like a long rocky road, with more stones than smooth places. Finally it came to a place one day I cried out. "God why was I born?" I didn't want to walk around another curve, or climb another hill for when I got to the top or other side there was more rocks, hills and curves. Surely life had to be more than this. Now I look back at that time of life when all it offered or seemed to offer, was sheer emptiness or a void.

Then one day to prove a point was wrong I searched for my Bible. I found it stored under a stack of magazines on the floor in my closet. It was leather and was all green with mold. I felt so bad about it, but looking back it was like a reflection of what my life was like, abandoned emotionally, and no one really cared it seemed.

For days I searched for the verse I wanted to find, but instead, I found hope, love and in finding it, a light was shining on my life. Every wrong thing I was doing was being show to me. But instead of it causing more despair, I saw how I had done wrong things, things my Heavenly Father disapproved of, and that hurt me to the core of my being. With tears of sorrow streaming down my face, and as my heart broke, and I confessed what He already knew, a sweet peace entered my soul.

It was like the old me that only saw the rocky road, hills and never ending curves, had eyes only for where all this peace and sweetness was coming from. Oh, the situations were not gone, but my focus changed.

I look back nearly 35 years later and think about all of it. Now I realize I became a new creation. Even though I was still flesh and blood, it was like somewhere in it all I became a new me. In it all my Heavenly Father communed with it, blessed it, loved it, and through His Word told me I was His child. Every thing became sharply alive in my life, smells, taste, hearing, and the beauty of it all. Truly there was joy unspeakable.

He showed me I had not sought His wise counsel, but went blindly into life doing what the "me" wanted, and even against wise advice from others. From that I learned to seek His will in everything, be patient for the answer, and above all put Him first. Even in waking up each day to start talking to Him as a beloved Father. When trying to decide to do something to seek His favor and will first.

What a sweet victory we can have in life with Him in control. Yes, there will be more rocky roads, curves and hills to travel, but this time I am not alone. They will not be roads with no end in sight, but hopefully they will not be of my own making. They will be there to help me learn, exercise patience, longsufering, forgiveness, love, to grow spiritually, and become more like my Heavenly Father. They help me to not grow complacency in life. They are areas for me to grow as I could not under normal circumstances in my life.