The Top 10 Excuses
for Not Doing Your Math Homework

So you say you’re
a mathematician?

1) I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

2) Isaac Newton's birthday.

3) I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook by only going half the distance to my book. So, I couldn't actually reach it.

4) I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.

5) I was trying to plot the course of a fly that was flying through my room. Then I got really confused when I tried to figure out how a fly lands on a ceiling. Do they fly upside down or they do a back flip at the last second?

6) I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

7) My book was too heavy so I didn’t bring it home.

8) I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.

9) The memory of my graphing calculator accidentally got cleared.

10) I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

1. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?

Tangent

2. What do you say when you see an empty parrot cage?

Polygon

3. What do you call a crushed angle?

A Rectangle

4. What did the Italian say when the witch doctor removed the curse?

Hexagon

5. What did the little acorn say when he grew up?

Geometry

6. What do you call an angle which is adorable?

Acute angle

7. What do you use to tie up a package?

A Chord

8. What do you call a fierce beast?

A Line

9. What do you call more than one L?

A Parallel

10. What do you call people who are in favor of tractors?

Protractors

11. What should you do when it rains?

Coincide

Ø
Old mathematicians never die; they just
lose some of their functions.

Ø There are two groups of people in the world; those who believe that the world can be divided into two groups of people, and those who don't.

Ø
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet
in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.

Ø
A mathematician is a person who says that,
when 3 people are supposed to be in a room but 5 came out, 2 have to go in so
the room gets empty.

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Last revised: June 16,2001