A Joyfull Marriage

• Be submissive to Jesus and full of hope in Him (Romans 14:7-8; 12:12).
• Make it your aim to always be a pleasing drama of Christ and the church to God (Ephesians 5:22-33) and before the world so that they glorify God (Matthew 5:26).

• And behold the mystery!: "God did not create the union of Christ and the church after the pattern of human marriage; just the reverse! He created human marriage on the pattern of Christ'ss relation to the church" (Piper, Desiring God, p. 181).

• Recognize that you are co-heirs of the grace of eternal life (1 Peter 3:7).
• Recognize that marriage is an expression of the reality that God created people to be channels, not cul-de-sacs, of His grace (Genesis 2:18). So seek to be a channel of God's grace to one another at all times!
• Love one another in feelings and deeds (Ephesians 5:25; Titus 2:4), which means pursue your joy in the joy of the other (Ephesians 5:28-30).

• With romantic love--be exhilarated with one another and express this in creative romance (Proverbs 5:18-19; Song of Songs 1:2-4, 8-11; 4:1; 6:4).
• With sexual love--take great delight in sexually satisfying one another (Proverbs 5:18-19; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5; Hebrews 13:4).
• With deep agape love--joyfully serve each other (Ephesians 5:22, 25).
• With friendship love--be best friends (after the model of Romans 12:10).

• Refuse strife and criticism (Galatians 5:15).

• If a flaw or error must be pointed out, do so with exhortation and not negative (as opposed to constructive) criticism (2 Thessalonians 3:12-13; Romans 12:19, 21), which nags, discourages, and/or aims at revenge and "settling accounts."

• Never compare.
• Never threaten (Ephesians 6:8-9).
• Laugh (Psalm 126:1-2).
• Honor and respect one another (Romans 12:10).

• Though the title is not entirely accurate, Gary Smalley's book Love is a Decision does a great job of pointing out that to honor someone means to place great significance (that is, weight) on who they are, what they say, and what they do. Honoring someone means that we regard them as being of great importance and we display that in our actions.
• In her book Wow Marriage, Ruth Bell gives some examples of actions that honoring one another will lead us to refrain from: Don't be a controller, don't disdain one another's achievements, don't nag, don't emphasize flaws, and always be on your mates side. Regarding the last one, she writes, "When we side with a critic, this is disloyal and dishonoring to our beloved. If the criticism is valid or has some truth to it, it is not honoring the relationship if we push the knife in deeper when we have been taken into his confidence. Honoring our m ate means we are always on his or her side, regardless of the circumstance or accusation" (p. 93).

• Give each other space (Song of Songs 8:6).
• Husbands, be understanding of your wives (1 Peter 3:7); wives, have a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight (1 Peter 3:4).
• Forgive (Ephesians 4:32).
• Use your monetary resources for the purpose of being rich in good works, storing up riches in heaven, where our full hope is to be (1 Timothy 6:17-19).
• Wives, keep house (1 Timothy 5:14).
• Devote a consistent amount of time to being together alone.
• Do things together with others.
• Be accountable to each other.
• Be a team.
• Pray together consistently.
• Study the Bible together consistently.
• Pray for your marriage consistently!
• Wives, submit to (that is, obey in attitude and action) your husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18).

• Ruth Bell comments, "My submission to him should not be conditional on his behavior, but it should be according to the Word, for the Bible doesn't tell me to submit if; it just says to submit. My responsibility is to obey and let God deal with him. This brings grace and enlargement" (Wow Marriage, p. 71).

• Husbands, be devoted to your wives, loving them after the model of how Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-30; Colossians 3:19) and do not be mean to her (Colossians 3:19).

• "As Jesus says in Luke 22:26, 'Let the leader become as one who serves.' The husband who plops himself down in front of the TV and orders his wife around like a slave has abandoned the way of Christ. Jesus bound himself with a towel and washed the apostles' feet. Woe to the husband who thinks his maleness requires of him a domineering, demanding attitude toward his wife....[For the man to be the leader means] You should feel the greater responsibility to take the lead in the things of the Spirit...you should lead out in giving the family a vision of its meaning and mission; you should take the lead in shaping the moral fabric of the home and in governing its happy peace. I have never me ta woman who chafes under such Christlike leadership. But I know of too many wives who are unhappy because their husbands have abdicated their God-ordained leadership and have no moral vision, no spiritual conception of what a family is for, and therefore no desire to lead anyone anywhere....Where a man belongs is at the bedside of his children, leading in devotion and prayer. Where a man belongs is leading his family to the house of God. Where a man belongs is up early and alone with God seeking vision and direction for the family" (Piper, Desiring God, pp. 184, 185).

Go back to Contend for the Faith.

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