Directed by Henry “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Winkler, HALF stars Norman D. Golden II as Devon, a kid who loves to play cops and robbers, and who accidentally stumbles into the middle of McKenna chasing some Mafia-types. Then, using the powers of deduction and detective-work taught to him by MIAMI VICE, Devon stays on their tails, and chases these gangsters, who have thus far managed to evade law enforcement, back to their secret hideout, where they carefully lay out their plan while he takes notes from the shadows. Later, he proves his worth by stopping the bleeding on a gunshot wound and even piloting a speedboat during a chase. Think he’d be willing to head to the Middle East and look for Bin Laden?

Continuing to operate under the John Hughes Rule of Movies (in which children are capable of doing anything adults can do, particularly when their talents are underestimated by conceited grownups), COP AND A HALF teams Devon with McKenna, who is initially reluctant to have an 8 year old as a partner because he is “bad with kids.” Thoughts of protecting a child from witnessing -- let alone becoming the victim of -- violence evade consideration, who really want to catch these crooks and will meet any of Devon’s demands. Granted, the film keeps the adventures fairly benign, but wouldn't it be great if the kid demanded to become a cop then found himself plunked into a case like the one in SEVEN? We’ll call it SEVEN YEAR OLD, starring Brad Pitt and Norman D. Golden II.

In general, COP AND A HALF does not know how to be funny for adults or children. There aren’t even that many attempts at jokes, and what there is comes in the “Adults peeing themselves equals comedy” variety. But then Winkler takes things too far: in a scene in which McKenna and Devon share the same bathroom and Devon invites his older buddy to “play swords.” Even though McKenna turns down the offer, the scene is still extremely disturbing since he is already urinating in front of the child. I’m not a psychiatrist, but I think watching - at crotch level - a strange, sweaty man pee is a potentially dangerous event in the life of a developing child. Devon’s grandmother is worried about mobsters, I’m worried about the cop with the R. Kelly tendency.

A schoolyard homage to SPARTACUS that ends with mobsters being pelted with flying, exploding twinkees got a grin out of me, but that was the beginning and the end of the good parts of COP AND A HALF. Reynolds, doing his best impression of Norm MacDonald doing Burt Reynolds, has some big stunts, which he does none of -- note the endless shots of McKenna beating people up or riding a motorcycle shot from behind with the character’s head tucked into his shoulder. The staggering number of scenes of Reynolds in a tank top shows how proud he was of his well-muscled arms, though one wonders why a gruff detective would oil his arms before bedtime (as McKenna would have to, to get his arms to glisten as they do during one scene where he wanders his apartment at night). Trust me, it’s the only thing to be proud of in this whole film.