Carrot Top, or as I call him “Top”, plays Edison, a red haired idiot-savant who’s heavy on the idiot. He lives in a beach house with two surfer buddies who are all-idiot, zero-savant. Edison creates inventions that look suspiciously like the props Carrot Top would show off in his standup act (Worst example: an anatomically correct fanny pack). Driving along the highway, he stops to help a broken-down motorist, and the two get along famously. After fixing his car by removing most of the engine, the duo decide to go surfing. The motorist, named Armand (Jack Warden), is about 70 years old, so his shots of surfing consist mainly of wide shots of a young guy in a wig cut with close-ups shot from extreme low angles so you can’t see below Warden’s waist, while the camera shakes like it’s over water. It’s as convincing as the alien autopsy shows on FOX.

The pair part company, but word gets back to Edison that the Armand has promptly croaked. This provides Carrot Top the opportunity for some hilarious antics at the funeral, like the old sneeze-in-the-ashes gag, and my personal favorite, the straddle-a-corpse-and-shake-it-violently-while-trying-to-remove-its-tie gag. Despite the desecrations, the old man’s will gives Edison control of his huge corporation, much to the dismay of Armand’s nephew Bradford (Larry Miller). Miller, bless his heart, gives the role his all, but the film doesn’t deserve the effort. He should have taken a cue from Courtney Thorne-Smith as Natalie the love interest, who looks thoroughly embarrassed with herself. Who could blame her? She had to kiss Carrot Top! Twice! I wouldn’t wish that fate on my worst enemy. Then again, my worst enemy is Carrot Top, so try to figure that out.

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD is notable in certain comedy circles for providing one of the all-time funniest moments on Late Night With Conan O'Brien. Thorne-Smith was the guest, and Norm MacDonald, who had been on earlier, sat beside her, constantly interrupting and cracking jokes. At the end of the interview, when it came time to plug her projects Conan noted with some obvious surprise that she was in "The Carrot Top Movie." "Hey Conan!" Norm shouted, "I know the name of that movie: BOX OFFICE POISON!" The crowd laughed, Conan laughed, and Thorne-Smith was understandably upset. "Actually it's called CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD," she replied. "Do something with that Norm!" Conan challenged. Without missing a beat, Norm barked back "I bet the word "board" is spelled B-O-R-E-D." That was it, the whole place lost it; even Conan had trouble finishing the interview. To this day, O'Brien picks it as his single favorite interview moment in ten-plus years on the air.

If there is anything in BOARD (or BORED, thanks Norm) movie worth singling out, it is the unbelievable number of cup shots and fart gags it crams into its short running time. The cup shot per minute ratio is closer to 1:1 than any other movie in history. If there is a message in this movie, it’s that any problem can be solved by kicking someone in the groin or, in lieu of that, farting. There is something uniquely admirable about a movie that solves its main crisis through the use of a farting lie detector shirt. Dumb, but creatively dumb.