It should be clear by now that I didn’t care for THE DOUBLE-D AVENGER, but let me make it clearer: I didn’t care for THE DOUBLE-D AVENGER. Made in 2001 by William Winckler, it stars several of Russ’ Meyer’s busty alumni, including Haji from the awesome FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! Twenty to thirty years ago, a fleet of these impossibly proportioned women spoofing the super-hero genre could have proved worthwhile. But twenty to thirty years later, these women are twenty to thirty years older as well, and that, my friends, is a significant problem.

The Avenger, who goes by the name Chastity Knott in her secret identity, is played by the very buxom Kitten Natividad. She discovers she is dying of breast cancer. The only cure, her equally busty doctor (Raven De La Croix) informs her, is a rare fruit that only grows in South America. Chastity travels there, or rather to a deserted area of Southern California, that can nearly pass for the Amazon, where she sucks on the skin of the banana-shaped fruit, curing her cancer and giving her superhuman strength (she’s already got the superhuman size covered). She returns to America, and when her bar is threatened by Al Purplewood (G. Larry Butler), a competing strip club owner with a trio of ample dancers, whose business is failing despite his policy of strippers robbing their customers blind. Rather than consider that men might be staying away because the club has a reputation for thieving and brutal beatings, he decides to try to kill Chastity. Using her superpowers she fights back by screaming “Time to give ‘tit’ for ‘tat’! at least five times during the film” and by jumping in the air (via off-screen trampoline) and flailing her legs and arms like a wounded bird.

With components like cheesy effects, bad acting, and a superhero with biblical proportions, THE DOUBLE-D AVENGER should be an ugly movie. But the annoying cast and script that makes you yearn for the sophistication and wit of CRACKED Magazine make the 77 minutes feel about twice that length. Besides the fact that these women are old, there is something sad about their resorting to these shenanigans to make a living at this point. It’s important for people to have a strong self-image, but this may be a case of a self-image a bit too strong. I’m also unclear why a film like this would shun all forms of nudity, to the point that the naked fantasies of one of the male characters have all the naughty bits blurred out. They do know they’re making a film about large-breasted women, right?