-The credits are rolling... what sort of faux-witty pun can I make about the title? Litter? Makes Me Bitter? Gutter? Shitter?

-A lifelong bond of friendship seems to have been born in this movie because of three girls' desire to pet a cat. Can’t decide whether this is just lame screenwriting, or some sort of brilliant post-modern commentary on masturbation.

-What is the point of the jump cuts and incessant accelerated whip pans? Does this movie really think it is arty? They are disorienting and disturbing. Just because you’ve seen a movie by Steven Soderbergh doesn’t mean you should make a movie like Steven Soderbergh

-Mariah’s Billie is a non-character. She doesn’t want to be a star; she’s perfectly happy being a backup singer and beard. Her boyfriend pushes her into it, and then she’s traded by him and various other men like a commodity. What does she want? What is her motivation? Her goal?

-The male lead is constantly called “Dice” or his nickname “Lucky Seven.” Frequently, he is called “Dice, A.K.A. Lucky Seven,” as if one wasn’t bad enough. Note to self: giving your character two ridiculous nicknames is even more strenuous on your credibility than just one ridiculous nickname. Second note to self: Consider having friends call me “Matt, A.K.A. Lucky Singer.”

-A brief glimpse of a sex scene has made me feel dirtier than that time I found my roommate walking around with his underwear on his head screaming “Who needs a REAL girl?”

-When it seemed like this movie couldn’t get more ridiculous, it introduced a video director who in the course of one scene says the lines “The glitter cannot overpower the artist,” and “Is she black? Is she white? I don’t know; I want to see more of her breasts.” Charming.

-Upon close viewing, Billie does indeed have a character, and it is defined by her hairstyle, which she changes in every scene!

-I don’t care what the box says, this movie is not 104 minutes; it is a vortex of time, a black hole that sucks in all joy and happiness within a five-mile radius.

-No idea how long the movie has been over; I woke up to snow on the TV and a bloody nose. Was it all a dream? Oh wait, that’s not snow, I broke the screen in a fit or rage and then pounded my head against the wall until I lost consciousness.

-Ooh, there’s a director’s commentary track. Wonder what he has to say?