The villain of the HALLOWEEN series is Michael Myers, who stalks his prey in a William Shatner Halloween mask instead of a hockey mask, though he shares Jason’s affection for plain coveralls (Maybe they work as custodians between film gigs). We are told by Busta Rhymes, who plays an Internet entrepreneur making films for his “Dangertainment” company, that Myers is “evil in its purest form.” Not Adolf Hitler, or Joseph Stalin, or Napoleon or even Martha Stewart! No, evil, pure, unadulterated 100% not-from-concentrate evil is Michael Myers, a plodding Star Trek nerd who dresses like a janitor and has the emotive range of a coma patient. C’mon people. We can do better.

Even though Jamie Lee Curtis is prominently featured in the credits, don’t expect her after the first twenty minutes of the flick (Not to give too much away, but after fighting this nutty custodian for twenty something years over four movies, it’s a bit of an underwhelming sendoff to her character). Instead, we follow the six attractive young people whom Busta’s Dangertainment has selected to spend Halloween night in the childhood house of Michael Myers. The plan is to have these jokers search the house in order to discover the origins of its evil before a paying Internet crowd. Each of the six numbskulls, er, explorers, are equipped with a little digital camera so that morons, er, drooling braindead idiots who would pay for live content over the Internet, can watch the action as it happens. Even though Dangertainment has rigged things so the house, abandoned for decades, will appear spooky, they don’t count on the real Michael Myers coming home for the holidays, finding his bachelor pad sullied by intruders, and slashing everything pink and fleshy he can get his hands on.

The only redeeming virtue of RESURRECTION (which contains no resurrections, if the resurrection of my deep hatred for crummy horror sequels doesn’t count) is Busta Rhymes, who turns in an ugly-caliber performance. Once most of the rest of the cast has been killed off, it comes down to Busta versus Michael, and unlike characters in nearly every other HALLOWEEN, who cower, run and generally fear him, Busta takes the fight to Michael. With kung-fu! Yes, Busta Rhymes, using the power of Bruce Lee-style sound effects, spin kicks Michael and karate chops Michael and spins sticks in the face of Michael. When none of it works, he busts out, or perhaps bustas out, the foul language. “Trick or treat muthaf**ka!” and “Burn muthaf**ka! BURN!” and lots more. It’s a treat (not a trick) to watch in an otherwise unbearable film.

If HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION is proof of anything it is that horror in the digital age is not necessarily a scary thing. Here is a movie filled with instant messaging, email, PDAs, pagers, portable digital cameras, flat panel monitors, and not a single genuine scare. The digital high tech hubbub can’t hide the blatant ripoffs of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, WWE’s Undertaker, and the classic British thriller PEEPING TOM (also reviewed in GBU here). Nor can it mask the desperate measures it employs to unnerve the audience, courtesy of one of the loudest, shrillest soundtracks ever (A drinking game involving a shot every time there’s a metallic shriek on the soundtrack could put someone in the hospital). When will horror directors learn? Surprise noises on the soundtrack don’t scare me; they wake me up as I’m dozing off to a crappy movie. “This isn’t funny anymore!” one of the parade of victims notes before their death. Were Michael Myers movies ever funny?