More or less, this is standard fare for Elvis movies. Per the formula, the incredibly gifted musician and marginally talented plays a regular joe who gets into various adventures and wins a girl, and just happens to have one of the most powerful voices of the twentieth century. There’s a reason Elvis’ music has survived and flourished and his movies have not: the movies stink, and most of his best music was on his albums, not the soundtracks. KID GALAHAD includes a number of songs but only one, the gorgeous ballad “Home Is Where the Heart Is,” really sounds like a classic.

In between ditties, Gulick hitches his way into a sleepy town where Willy (Gig Young) runs a training camp for boxers. Walter’s looking for work as a mechanic but Willy and his trainer Lew (Charles Bronson) needs sparring partners, so Walter climbs into the ring. In his first bout - one of the few scenes that approaches anything resembling goofy camp entertainment - Walter is pummeled repeatedly (and I mean repeatedly, it’s like twenty shots to the face), unaware of how to even protect himself from a punch. Eventually he gets fed up with the beating, throws one punch, and knocks the other guy out. At this point, Walter is declared a boxer, even though Walter is more interested in the five bucks he was promised for sparring than the infinite potential he supposedly possesses.

Quickly Walter gains the nickname Kid Galahad, after his chivalrous nature and protective attitude toward women. Then Willy’s sister Rose (Joan Blackman) catches Walter’s eye. The two share a charming scene in which gear head Walter tunes up his car while Rose watches. He drops a part under the car and ducks underneath it to search for it. Rose asks what it looks like and sneaks up besides him for a surprise smooch. “It’s a quarter inch,” Walter tells her. “It’s about this big,” as he gestures the approximate size with his fingers. Somehow all this talk about things a quarter inch in length ignites the fires of Rose’s passion and she moves in for a romantic clinch. What’s Elvis doing talking about his quarter inch nut? He’s the King damnit! A quarter inch isn’t fit for a pauper!

Rose may be falling for Walter, but there’s trouble: Willy doesn’t want Rose to see Walter. When Rose arrives at Willy’s, he tells her “You couldn’t reorganize the part in your hair unless I drew you a map!” Nice burn Willy, except Rose doesn’t have a part in her hair! Willie is infuriated to learn that his kind, honest, likable, hard-working, talented, money-earning prodigy has fallen for his sister. If he was named “Kid Serial Date Rapist” or “Kid Incurable Venereal Disease” Willy’s position would be a lot more understandable. But he’s just got to lower his standards a little; I don’t think Kid The Second Coming would be an acceptable mate for his treasured Rose.

This battle between Willy and Walter is obviously manufactured out of nowhere, but it’s not surprising since without it the movie has very little conflict. Walter and Rose click instantly and don’t suffer any of the normal movie relationship miscommunications or breakups, and good ol’ Galahad is such a good boxer there isn’t much suspense in the boxing scenes, whose fight choreography makes ROCKY’s look realistic. Plus, teens going to see an Elvis movie were looking for their hero to rebel against some squares and their rules anyway. The question then must be asked why The King was cast so harshly against type. Elvis Presley was a wild, hard-living rock and roller with a raw sexual edge. Walter Gulick is so kind-hearted he earns the moniker of one of the knights of the round table. Elvis isn’t terrible in the part; in fact, he’s pretty convincing as a country bumpkin fightin’ mechanic. The question is why cast him as one.