"Hey! Leave that dog alone!" Sgt. Stanley Poochinski screams at some street toughs who are torturing a stray dog. He gives the dog a hot dog (Typing this just now, I realize someone probably though that was clever), pushing him to eat this thing that probably contains some dog meat with cries of "You can trust ol' Poochinski!" Uh huh.

Young buck Officer Rupert is partnered with Poochinski, though he doesn't care for his loathsome manners and frequent flatulence. No, really, he actually complains to a supervisor about him farting all the time! Anyway, when a stakeout bears the bitter fruit of crime, and Robert refuses to listen to Poochinski's cries of "Don't be hero!" (Isn't that what a cop is supposed to do?) the perp escapes and runs poor Poochinski over as the well-meaning cop is pushing his dog to safety. As Poochinski slowly fades away -- can you tell how much fun I have typing the name "Poochinski"? -- director Will MacKenzie intercuts close ups on the eyes of Poochinski and the dog. This, as we soon learn, signifies that Poochinski's soul, his essence, has been transported into the dog. Now the dog, or an expressive puppet that reasonably resembles Peter Boyle, annoys Robert to avenge his death. Consider this for a second. I'm not an expert on reincarnation, but generally, don't those getting reincarnated become reincarnated into some person or animal just being born? Poochinski is reborn into an already existing dog. What happened to that dog's real soul? Where did it go? Did it get reincarnated into some other dog or person? How would you like to have your body co-opted by some grabby bald dude with a flatulence problem? No one considers the dog's feelings in this equation. From a comedic standpoint, reincarnating Poochinski into a newborn baby would have been even better, cause then you could have had an infant talking like Peter Boyle trying to solve crimes. But then I guess the whole "Poochinski" name is sort of pointless.

At first, Poochinski is satisfied to be a dog. "First, I'm gonna lick myself, and then I'm gonna catch my killer!" he proudly announces to Robert. But then he realizes the limitations of his nefound canine persona. "Look at me! I've become a dog! It's all sinking in now! I mean, I used to have hair on my back, but this is ridiculous!" You can't make this stuff up folks. Bear in mind this is a talking dog puppet with the voice of Peter Boyle doing this soul-searching. If I have taught you anything in my tenure at Poop Shoot, it should be that pontificating dog puppets equal unintentional comic gold. The dialogue alone is worth whatever price you have to pay for a bootleg of this thing. Just to see an actor, poor George Newbern, say to a dog puppet, "You've got a lot to be thankful for! Sure you're a dog, and that's different. But it's life! Precious life!" I swear to you, I almost cried when I heard that.

This one episode of POOCHINSKI - like ALF if Alf had claimed he was a crimefighter from beyond the grave - was aired, but alas, the world simply wasn't ready for such a potent force of justice. Why couldn't anyone see the possibilities here? So many more legs to be humped, or pillows to be destroyed, or arguments over whether the dog should be given control of the television remote. They never even got to say "You're a loose cannon Poochinski! Your collar and badge!" I'm not saying someone should bring this show back, I'm just saying if they did, I would be watching, and taping, and rewatching, and forcing others to watch.