Swayze's bouncer, or "cooler" as he calls himself, goes only by the name Dalton, presumably because his first name was something lame like Mortimer. "Hey I'm the cooler, here. Name's Mortimer Dalton. Why don't you take it outside?" You can see, right there, why that would cause problems. First name notwithstanding, Dalton is a NYU grad with a degree in philosophy and who, for reasons even he is unsure of, decided to ditch the world of academia and start a promising career as a guy who beats the tar out of violent alkies. Reach for those stars, Dalton.

Dalton is, naturally, "the best of the best" and a bar owner gets him to come down to his dump and clean the place up. Dalton arrives at the Double Deuce Bar and promptly makes enemies with every redneck in the place, including former wrestler Terry Funk. The bar's alcohol supply, along with most of the rest of the town, is owned by Brad Wesley, played by the aforementioned Gazzara. Growling and constantly grimacing like he's constipated, Gazzara plays his role like he knows they wanted Robert Loggiafor the part but couldn't afford him.

It's clear from the get-go that Wesley is evil because he is always referred to as "Brad Wesley." It's never "Brad" or "That mean Wesley guy." No, it's always "We've got to stop Brad Wesley!" or "That damn Brad Wesley!" Not surprisingly, that's the smartest dialogue to be found in ROAD HOUSE. Along the way we get to hear Wesley, or rather Brad Wesley, growl things like, "See you found my trophy room Dalton! The only thing missing is your ass!" I don't know about you, but I need that printed on the back of a t-shirt.

For nearly two hours, Dalton and (Brad) Wesley play a deadly game of cat-and-mouse, consisting mostly of Dalton using sub-Van Damme caliber karate moves on Brad Wesley's men, while Wesley looks on, drinking or stroking an attractive young female. Brad Wesley has no need for fear, he has bought fear along with the police department. He's like the little kid with super powers on the Twilight Zone. He kills someone and then the survivors look around and go "It's good that Brad Wesley did that. It's good he killed them."

ROAD HOUSE takes itself dead serious; as far as director Rowdy Herrington is concerned, Dalton's plight is pure Shakespearian tragedy. The complete lack of irony in this movie only makes its ridiculous stunts, outlandish fight scenes, and agonizing dialogue even funnier. People say lines like "Prepare to die!" and "Work ain't work when you're having fun," and they sincerely mean it. This movie didn't invent these cliches, but it certainly perfected them.

Swayze, for his part, is buff, oily, and frequently topless (And occasionally bottomless for the ladies in the audience). He strides about with a fine 80s mullet and a look of humorless determination on his face. Most disturbingly, Swayze made this film shortly after DIRTY DANCING, at the height of his popularity. This is the sort of thing that should be buried early in his career, when he had bad management and was billed as "Pat Swayze." Swayze himself puts it best in a line of dialogue from the film: "Sometimes, I'm not as smart as I'd like to be."