The Ethan referred to in one of the alternate titles is played by RUSHMORE’s Jason Schwartzman, a movie which is to SLACKERS as filet mignon is to dog food. Ethan is a crazy, hyperactive nerd, who pines for a beautiful girl in his class named Angela (James King). When he catches Dave (Devon Sawa) cheating on a test, he uses the evidence to blackmail Dave and his buddies (played by Jason Segal and Michael Maronna) to help him win Angela’s heart. Of course Dave falls for Angela while he’s trying to convince her to go out with Ethan and Ethan doesn’t take it very kindly.

Essentially, what we have here is a stalker comedy. Anything can be played for laughs - THE PRODUCERS makes you laugh at the Holocaust - but the key is how the humor is executed. And director Dewey Nicks and writer David H. Steinberg make Ethan scary, not funny. Shaving your chest hair into an A is not funny; neither is using a lint roller on a girl’s chair to search for stray hairs to add to your hairdoll. Neither is urinating in the shower. Neither is assaulting and berating a hobo. Neither is stealing Jell-O from an invalid. And so on. Once again, all these things could be funny... but they’re not here. Simply urinating in the shower is not funny - perhaps urinating on someone in the shower would be a step in the right direction. Schwartzman could do no wrong in RUSHMORE, but he’s way too excited here. He pulls off Ethan’s aggravating side, but none of his so-called humor.

There are a few chuckles along the way, all from Freaks and Geeks’ Jason Segal as Sam, arguably the best stoner persona actor of his generation. But for those paltry laughs you must endure 86 pain-filled minutes of unfunny gags and slo-mo romance. That’s like getting to keep the steering wheel when the repo man takes your car. No thanks, I’ll go watch ANIMAL HOUSE again.

Why is it so hard to do college comedy? While there are plenty of failed high school teen comedies, there are a lot more funny ones as well; whereas the vast majority of college comedy falls right on its face. One factor has to be the unrealistic portrayal of college that these movies - and especially SLACKERS - often create. Consider the scene where Dave and Angela sneak into the pool house for a late night swim and then sex on a makeshift bed of towels. What school leaves the pool unlocked late at night? What school leaves lots of fluffy white towels out after hours? What school even has nice white towels instead of dirty slimy prison-style ones? There’s nothing romantic or sexy about intercourse on the floor of the pool house unless you get turned on by the smell of chlorine and a case full body foot fungus.

The true slackers here were the filmmakers who didn’t bother making likable characters or funny jokes. And whoever at Screen Gems selected the most ill-fitting of the six titles they had to choose from. If you’re thinking about renting SLACKERS just be a slacker instead; don’t bother getting out of your chair and going to the video store. Go play video games or something.