The Stabilizer is an American, on the trail of a villainous villain who goes by the name of Greg Rainmaker. The Stabilizer has followed Greg Rainmaker to Asia in the hopes of finally catching him, sacrificing a personal life and a cool haircut for the mere opportunity to destroy his criminal empire. When asked why he is dedicated to eliminating Greg Rainmaker The Stabilizer responds (via poorly voiced dubbing) “He is the one I hate the most...I DESPISE scum like GREG RAINMAKER!” It turns out that way back before the movie started, Greg Rainmaker - who, in case you haven’t noticed, is only referred to by his full name - raped The Stabilizer’s fiancee Linda. This is all done in full view of Linda’s picture of The Stabilizer, which captures him in a mesh t-shirt brandishing a machine gun (Something tells me they didn’t take that one at the Sears PhotoShop). To add insult to injury, Greg Rainmaker kills her by stepping on her in his fiendish spiked shoes. One imagines that the creators of THE STABILIZER thought this would be an interesting and unique weapon for a villain. But it’s really difficult to be intimidated by a pair of cleats even if you’ve seen footage of their destructive power! They’re cleats for goodness’ sake! You know how hard those things are to walk around in? Greg Rainmaker would be sliding all over the place.

The appeal of THE STABILIZER lies in its charming inability to say “Enough.” Every scene is filmed with a kitchen sink approach - if one explosion is good, then it stands that three explosions, a car flip, and a guy falling on his own lawn mower is absolutely fantastic (and yes, that really does happen in the movie). Of the film’s ninety minute running time, a good seventy minutes could be qualified as an action scene in some way or another. And it’s not a case of simple repetition, writers Deddy Armond and John Rust are like mad scientists of violence, throwing bits and pieces of different potions into a pot and stirring them together. A siege on a drug warehouse has guns, hand to hand combat, a flame thrower, and, coolest of all, The Stabilizer on a motorcycle. To surprise the bad guys, The Stabilizer drives it through a wall - shoddy workmanship on that wall if a motorcycle can drive straight through it - and then up some stairs and through some shelving units. Spying a villain with a gun on the ground floor below, The Stabilizer drives off the balcony, through a railing, and lands his motorcycle on the poor loser’s head. Since this is a stunt is way too dangerous (and deadly) to actually do, the filmmakers shot the victim in close-up and, I’m guessing from the look of it, hit him in the head with a tire. Problem is, a tire is significantly less heavy than the whole motorcycle, so instead of knocking him down and crushing him, the tire bounces off his head like a basketball.

The stunts get progressively more outlandish, which is a good word to describe the whole STABILIZER experience. Even when things aren’t getting broken or bloodied on screen (which is a rare occurrence) the events that transpire STILL make no sense, like Greg Rainmaker pleasing his mistress by pouring beer on her leg which draws a cutaway shot of her face in the deepest throws of ecstasy. I’m also a big fan of the visual joke where a close-up of a man’s shoulder and arm is made to look like an ass. The stuntwork is accomplished enough to make the already dangerous-looking stunts seem stupid dangerous when being performed by people who no doubt received very little money for driving their car through another car off of a cliff or into a helicopter.

I cannot explain THE STABILIZER, but that’s also the reason I so highly recommend it. If you’ve been a fan of any movie I’ve reviewed in this section of the column - and particularly if you think movies like COMMANDO or RAMBO III are the heights of unintentional comedy - you will find something, or a whole bunch of things, to send you falling out of your seat with laughter. One of the best things that came out of my time at Troma was getting a poorly dubbed VHS copy of this lost classic. Since then, I’ve delighted in introducing newbies to THE STABILIZER’s endless charms. Championed for years within Troma by some employees who were very dedicated fans, it has finally been released on DVD, so you can go out and find this one on your own.