Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said, "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter that made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather and you think you have family problems!"
Greatest Parent
3 boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The 1st boy says:" Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!" The 2nd boy says:" Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!" The 3rd one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says:" You two know nothing about fast. My father is a Government employee. He stops working at 4:30pm and he is home by 3:45pm!!!!!!"
Health Care Providers?
Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter
asked them to identify themselves.
One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You may enter."
The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves."
St. Peter invited him into heaven, too.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in also."
But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You may stay for three days.
After that you can go to hell!"
A Walking Economy
** I'm a walking economy," a man was overheard saying. "My hairline's in recession, my waist is a victim of inflation, and together they're putting me in a great depression."
Somebody's Job
** This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.
True Story - What would one do to write a thesis?
There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
