What Your Car Says About You:

Acura Integra

- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend

- I'm too bland for German cars

Acura NSX

- I am impotent

Audi 90

- I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue

- I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado

- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville

- I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro

- I enjoy beating up people

Chevrolet Chevette

- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette

Chevrolet Corvette

- I'm in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino

- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba

- I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z

- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheelwell

Dodge Dart

- I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona

- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ford Fairmont

- (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang

- I slow down to 85mph in school zones

Ford Mustang Convertible

- I prefer everyone knowing what I look like with bad hair while slowing down to 85mph in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria

- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them

Geo Metro

- I believe no one should spend more on gas than they do on fast food.

Geo Storm

- I will start the 11th grade in the Fall

Geo Tracker

- I will start the 12th grade in the Fall

Honda del Sol

- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Honda Civic

- I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord

- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming

Honda Prelude

- I could afford an American lemming but prefer Japanese

Infiniti Q45

- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending

Isuzu Impulse

- I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports

Jaguar XJ6

- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year

Kia Sephia

- I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lincoln Town Car

- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis

- (See above)

Mercedes 500SL

- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph

Mercedes 560SEL

- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole

Mazda Miata

- I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler

MGB

- I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante

- I don't know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX

- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass

- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a drug deal

Peugeot 505 Diesel

- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List

Plymouth Neon

- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM

- I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 944

- I am dating big haired women who would otherwise be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow

- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad too liberal

Saturn SC2

- (See Honda Civic)

Toyota Camry

- I am still in the closet

Toyota Lexus

- (See Mercedes 560SEL)

Volkswagen Beetle

- I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagen Cabriolet

- I am out of the closet

Volkswagen Microbus

- I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon

- I am frightened of my wife

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