C
You shoot yourself in the foot, but can't
figure out how or why since you
never bothered to document what you were doing.
C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances
of yourself and shoot them
all in the foot. Providing emergency medical
assistance is impossible
since you can't tell which are bitwise copies
and which are just
pointing at others and saying, "That's me,
over there."
MICROSOFT C++ w/ WINDOWS SDK
You write about 100 lines of code to print
"Hello, world!" in a
dialogue box, only to have a UAE pop up when
you click on OK. This
shuts down the program manager, leaving you
nothing but a
screensaver. You then fly to Washington and
shoot Bill Gates in the
foot.
English
You put your foot in your mouth, then bite
it off.
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively,
until you run out of
toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat.
If you run out of
bullets, you continue with the attempts to
shoot yourself since no
exception-processing was anticipated.
Modula-2
You perform a shooting on what might currently
be a foot, with what
might currently be a bullet, fired by what
might currently be a gun.
Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself
in the foot.
Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt
to concurrently load
the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot
yourself in the foot.
When you try, however, you discover you can't
because your foot is of
the wrong type. If you are dumb enough
to actually use this language,
the United States Department of Defense will
kidnap you, stand you up
in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers,
"Shoot at his
feet." Then they apologize for any inconvenience
caused.
COBOL
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT THEN
WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON
HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN
HANDGUN.COLT TO
HIP.HOLSTER, SCREAM.
PL/I
You consume all available system resources,
including all the offline
bullets. The Data Processing $ Payroll Department
doubles its size,
triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes,
and drops the
original one on your foot.
SNOBOL
You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite
your hand to be a
bullet. The act of shooting the original foot
then changes your
hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left
foot). If you succeed,
shoot yourself in the left foot. If
you fail, shoot yourself in the
right foot.
LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds...
SCHEME
You shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds... ...but none of
the other appendages are aware of this happening.
LOGO
You tell a turtle to draw a picture of a foot
and a gun, then shoot
the turtle.
FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot. The bullet passes
through one foot and into
your other foot. You tell everyone you enjoyed
the experience and
urge them to try it.
Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be
shot in the foot. The
program figures out how to do it, but the
syntax doesn't permit it to
explain it to you.
BASIC
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water
pistol until your foot is
waterlogged and rots off.
BASIC (interpreted)
Lacking a gun, you hold the bullet in your
hand and throw it at your
foot....and miss.
BASIC (compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using
a SCUD missile
launcher.
Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself
in the foot, but
you'll have had so much fun doing it that
you won't care.
Smalltalk
You spend so much time playing with the graphics
and windowing system
that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes
away your workstation,
and makes you develop in COBOL on a character
terminal.
HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left
of leg of you. Answer the
result.
Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of
your foot, the bullet,
its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork
on the ivory handles of
the gun. When you finally get around to pulling
the trigger, the gun
jams.
APL
GN<FT^BLT
ALGOL
You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket.
The musket is
esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles
the adolescent medic
in the emergency room.
Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o no such file or directory
% ls
%
csh
After searching the manual until your foot
falls asleep, you shoot
the computer and switch to C.
Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS and include
a 400-page document
explaining exactly how you want it to be shot.
Three years later,
your foot comes back deep-fried.
Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot,
your users can, too.
Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but
it shoots holes in all
your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Revelation
You're sure you're going to be able to shoot
yourself in the foot,
just as soon as you figure out what all these
nifty little
bullet-thingies are for.
Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only
to discover you must
first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger,
and your foot. You
pain-stakingly design, engineer and build
a gun, turn the shells on a
lathe, and prime them by hand. You then shoot
yourself in the foot,
but very quickly.
dBASE
You buy a gun. Bullets are only available
from another company and
are promised to work so you buy them. Then
you find out that the next
version of the gun is the one that is scheduled
to shoot bullets, but
the bullets are dumdums and the gun is the
wrong calibre anyway.
Binary
010011011100010111000111000100110010001110001101010001010
Dylan
Your experimental gun, specialy designed to
make it difficult to
shoot yourself in the foot, blows up in your
face.
HTML
After attempting to correctly reference each
bullet to every other
bullet, the gun, your hand, and your foot,
you play Russian Roulette.
Machine Language
You jump off a cliff instead.
Oberon
The gun keeps jamming and the bullets are
probably blanks, so you
kick the computer and break your foot.
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