"STAY IN TOUCH"

O.K. O.K. I know that's just a little too much for mid-westerners to bear. Frankly, I even feel a little nauseous. It brings up a good point, though. When we want to reject an experience or an idea as ridiculous or silly, what do we say? Don't we often label it as "touchy-feely"? Gushy, emotional, illogical displays are dismissed as "touchy-feely." Partly this is because our dominant responses are products of a "non-contact culture." We're far more comfortable with wrapping our minds around an idea than with flinging our arms around a person.

In more physically demonstrative contact cultures (like Latin Americans or Southern Europeans), touch is as much a part of communication as are words. Backslapping, cheek kissing, bear hugging and hand holding are the grammatical rules of a contact-culture language. But for most of us in the United States, we are far too hung up on the "tact" in "tactile." Ours is a "hands-off" culture. A "don't touch me" spirit often pervades both the sacred and the secular spaces in our lives. Consider this: The United States is one of the few countries where massages are still not covered by most health insurance. The overwhelming cultural message here is that we're no "soft touch" and that "touching" is just for "softies."

But the health benefits of touch have been clearly proven. Tactile stimulation is a powerful aid to infant growth and development. Babies who are held more both gain weight and master basic motor skills faster than babies who receive less holding and touching. Fortunately for babies, their small bodies and soft skin make us naturally want to touch them, hold them close and snuggle them.

But studies also show that the elderly benefit from touch in much the same way. Among those who receive regular touching, from massages to hugs to holding hands, it's been found that their motor skills remain sharper, their mental abilities continue to be acute, and their general state of health is better than among those who report virtually no physical contact with others. The touch doesn't even have to be human. The simple act of petting a dog or stroking a cat seems to help our physiological need for physical contact.

It was around the time that I was in elementary school in the late 60's, it seems, that our country began a retreat from touching. Since then we have been posting "hands-off" signs at schools, workplaces, even at home and at church. And for good reason. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people have been scarred by inappropriate touch in school, at work, and even in the church. Yet NOT touching is also at least a form of neglect and, at worst, a form of actual abuse.

Some time ago, an orchestra conductor from Eastern Europe was being interviewed after having spent years in isolation because of his political views. After the usual series of political and personal questions, the reporter took a surprising turn: "What in your opinion is the most beautiful piece of music ever written?" The maestro thought for a while, and didn't answer. "While you were held in isolation," the reporter pressed further, "what did you want most to hear? What music would you at that moment have thought the most beautiful to hear?" The maestro perked up: "In the whole world?" "Yes, in the whole world," the reporter replied. "In all the world," the conductor said with tears in his eyes, "the most beautiful music is the sound of another voice."

We heard today that "...God is love." And that, "...we also ought to love one another." This "love" is not the purely emotional, romantic, sexual love that ancient Greek would have called "eros." It's not even the "phileo" love that denotes affectionate friendship, as in "Philadelphia"...the city of "brotherly love." No the word that was used in the original language for this love is "agape." It's not just an emotional response but an act of the will. "Love," as applied to God and to us in relationship with one another, is a verb, an action.

We, as Christians, are called not just to "feel" love – sometimes that becomes too difficult to do. There is much in this world that makes feeling love for some people seem impossible. But we are called to DO love...to reach out and touch people all around us...to be in actively loving relationships with others. To fail to do so is to fail to understand what God is all about.

One evening just before the great Broadway musical star, Mary Martin, was to go on stage in "South Pacific," a note was handed to her. It was from Oscar Hammerstein, who at that moment was on his deathbed. The short note simply said, "Dear Mary, A bell's not a bell till you ring it. A song's not a song till you sing it. Love in your heart is not put there to stay. Love isn't love till you give it away."

After her performance that night many people rushed backstage, enthralled, saying "Mary, what happened to you out there tonight? We never saw anything like that performance before." Blinking back her tears, Mary read them the note from Hammerstein. Then she said, "Tonight, I gave my love away!"

What is it God wants from us? Does God want us to think the right thoughts? Does God want us to do the right things? Or does God want us to be in the right relationships -- with God, with each other, with ourselves, with creation -- relationships based on truth and trust and touch? Any religion that announces, "God is Love" must be about relationships! It's the relationships that produce the right thoughts and right actions. Relationships come first.

Some say that to be "saved" means to become bonded to a community. Other cultures can understand this better than we can. In certain African tribes, hell doesn't involve other people. Rather, hell means being removed from other people, being thrown out of the community. In India, when one marries, they're joined in a relationship, not just to another person, but to an entire family.

When we step outside our community and try to go it on our own, to live only with and for ourselves – in physical or emotional separation from others – we inevitably get into trouble. In the familiar story of Adam and Eve, did you ever notice just when the Serpent worked on seducing Adam and Eve? It's when they were separate, apart from each other, not in direct relationship. The Serpent employed perhaps the first example we have of the divide and conquer technique.

The snake in the grass is still at work. Thirty million Americans (one out of three church members) join a church and then drop out. Why? Charles Arn did a study and found that the primary reason the majority left had nothing to do with theology. It was relational. People just didn't feel wanted and didn't get bonded to the community.

How do we receive faith? Through others! How do we receive strength for the journey? Through others! How do we find healing from the wounds along the way? Through others! No matter how sophisticated our modes of travel may have now become, the need for journeying together, for keeping in touch, is still a pivotal human need. We still need to love each other just as God has loved us – being present and active and in touch with who and how and where we are...together.

One of my favorite mindless activities is watching re-runs of the sitcom, "Seinfeld." If you were one of 90 million people who watched the final Seinfeld show several years ago, you know that the show ended as it began: the story of a group of utterly self-absorbed friends who make something out of nothing. In that final episode, we watched them in the courtroom after they failed to help an overweight car-jacking victim. Unwilling to touch or be touched, Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer listened as a parade of witnesses testified against them. The four were charged with "criminal indifference" and sent to prison for a year to contemplate their shallow lives...yada, yada, yada.

Church, never let anyone be able to charge you with "Criminal Indifference." The phrase "Indifferent Christian" should be an oxymoron. Christians, in fact, are called to do nothing but be in relationship with those who are around us, whether a robbery victim, a visitor to the church, the homebound neighbor up the street, a longtime friend or a short-term acquaintance. To touch -- and stay in touch -- is Christian behavior. That kind of touching is the "love" to which we are called. Amen.

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