"ROOM FOR DOUBT"

It was interesting, though; upstairs after service, at the Easter brunch, some folks at the table where I was sitting were confiding to one another that, when I'd said that, they'd thought to themselves, "One of them? I feel like all three of them!" So we talked about it a bit and finally agreed that, basically, we are all spiritually schizophrenic. Faith and doubt tend to co-exist in us all. We believe – and we don't believe. In matters of faith, we can all be both whole-hearted and hesitant.

That only makes sense because human beings are multi-faceted. No one attribute or single action fairly sums up any individual. History and tradition, of course, don't always respect that truth. Richard Nixon is generally remembered – and reviled – for the Watergate scandal even though he did great work to help create positive relations with China. George Armstrong Custer is known mostly for his defeat at Little Big Horn, not for being the youngest general in the Union army. And Babe Ruth, of course, was known as the "Home Run King" in his time...even though he held the dubious distinction of being the "Strike-out King," too. That's kind of what history and tradition have done to the disciple called Thomas. He's been known for 2,000 years as "Doubting Thomas" – when, the truth is, he was no more skeptical than the rest of the disciples. On Easter evening they were hiding behind locked doors, scared to death, in spite of the report brought back from the empty tomb. When Jesus showed up and greeted them, they were thrilled, yes...and also surprised! And, of course, when they saw Jesus alive, they believed. The only thing that made Thomas different is that he happened not to be there that night so he missed out on seeing Jesus. (Remember last week I told you how important it is that you come to church consistently? Those miracles always seem to happen when you're not here!) One week later, though, Thomas was with the other disciples, and Jesus came to them again...and just like the others, when Thomas saw Jesus, he believed. So, you see, that "doubter" label is very unfair.

There were other occasions when Thomas displayed his faith quite admirably. In chapter 11 of John's Gospel there is the story of the death of Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha -- all good friends of Jesus'. When Jesus told his disciples that it was time for them to go to Bethany to help comfort the grieving family, they could hardly believe it! Given the hostility of some in Jerusalem toward Jesus and the proximity of Bethany to Jerusalem, to go there at that time was a very dangerous thing to do. But Thomas spoke up and, addressing himself to his fellow disciples, said, "Let us also go, that we may die with Jesus." To make that kind of statement, to take that kind of stand, required no small amount of courage and devotion. Here was a guy who was willing to lay down his life in a spirit of solidarity with Jesus. Then, in John, chapter 14, Jesus is speaking somewhat cryptically about his departure to do some heavenly site preparation. Thomas admits that he, for one, doesn't have a clue what Jesus is talking about. "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" This, in turn, leads Jesus to speak in unambiguous terms, providing one of the most memorable passages in the New Testament: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life." It took remarkable honesty for Thomas to acknowledge that, for him, Jesus was not making any sense! Why don't we call him "Honest Thomas" instead of "Doubting Thomas"? Because of his willingness to admit to ignorance, we are all the wiser. Because of his honest confession, we are the recipients of hope-filled words that have sustained Christians through the ages in moments of loss and separation. Despite his doubt – or perhaps because of it – ol' Thomas can teach us some important spiritual truths. For one thing he reminds us that faith is a very personal thing. Yes, we as Christians, as a church, share and celebrate our faith together, but we are still only the sum of the parts made up by the faith each of us struggles with individually. Thomas had told the disciples, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

Your testimony may be compelling and moving, thought-provoking and even worthy of volume 311 of "Chicken Soup for the Soul"... but it's my encounter with the Risen Christ that will move me to believe!

When Thomas sees Jesus, he doesn't demand all those additional proofs; he sees Him and hears Him and proclaims, in a most clear and emphatic manner, "My Lord and My God."

My faith is my faith; my doubt is my doubt. You can't create either one nor can you take either one away from me. I must choose to recognize Jesus when I see Him! It's also Thomas' encounter with the Resurrected Lord that enables us to hear that faith is a blessing in and of itself. Now hear verse 29 clearly; Jesus did NOT say, "Thomas, because of your doubt, you are cursed!" Jesus simply says, "...blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Jesus was simply making the point to Thomas that it's all well and good to "believe" when you have indisputable proof; it's something else to choose to believe even when the proof may not be there. The act of choosing to have faith is a blessing in and of itself.

I have asked myself many times over the years, "What if I somehow discovered, absolutely and for sure, that all this religion stuff is just a bunch of bunk?! What if this is it...we live for a while and then we die and that's it – poof...oblivion...no ‘next life' at all? (I don't believe that's true but just for the sake of discussion....) What then? How would that effect me?" Well, this may sound a little pious and uppity but, honestly, I think I would choose to go on and live my life with faith anyway. You see, "faith" is not just my insurance policy against death; it's also the thing that gives meaning to my life. Faith helps me find hope when hope seems unreasonable. Faith lets me go ahead and weep openly today, trusting that I will smile again tomorrow. Faith reminds me how much better it feels to focus on the best in people instead of the worst. Faith enables me to have an interior sense of safety and peace and wholeness -- even in the face of a September 11th...a battleground in Bethlehem...cancer, AIDS, depression and a sagging economy. Faith really is a blessing in and of itself. But faith doesn't eliminate all doubt.

Embodied in Thomas is a truth that we, as Christians, most desperately need to learn...and that is that faith and doubt are not mutually exclusive. Actually, they go hand in hand. They are two sides of the same proverbial coin, and every day we have to toss it to see which will win: faith or doubt. The only difference is that, instead of having to decide while the coin's in the air, we flip it and, when it lands, if it lands on "doubt" we always have the option to flip it over to "faith." In my opinion, one of the ways in which the Christian church has gone wrong is in trying to assert that somehow we have all the answers. The Church has long had a tendency to dismiss or discount doubts and questions as being the products of "an immature faith." Sometimes – let's be honest – we simply repeat the same religious platitudes that we found so unsatisfying in our own struggle of faith. Sometimes, in the Church's conviction that we possess some of the answers, we act as though we have all the answers. The three least used words in our common religious tradition are, "I don't know." But it shouldn't be that way.

Thomas was brave enough to tell Jesus that he simply didn't understand. His questioning is what ultimately brought him clarity. I think that whenever we see that bumper sticker, "Jesus is the answer," we should say, "Well, what's the question?!" The church can't be a place we run to for easy answers; the church needs to own up to what it really is: a group of people, drawn to a common spiritual path, who are exploring the hard questions as we journey along together. Our hope and consolation should be that, as we travel, facing the hard questions, God is right here with us to guide our steps and cast a light out upon the fog in front of us.

In a person of genuine faith there is always room for doubt. Doubt has been called "the ants in the pants of faith," because it is not our sure answers but rather our nagging questions that keep us moving forward on this journey. That certainly was true for Thomas; his doubts and questions did not stop him from moving forward on his journey with and for Jesus Christ.

Legend has it that when the explorer Vasco de Gama first rounded the cape of Africa and made his way to India, he assumed that he and his men would be the first non-indigenous people to land there. Imagine his surprise to discover that many of the natives were Christians. They told de Gama a story of one who had come many centuries before. One who preached with conviction and compassion. One who with great faith and courage eventually laid down his life as a witness to the risen Christ. de Gama discovered that the one who had brought the good news to India was, in fact, the Thomas of "doubting" fame! Don't be afraid to leave room for doubt in your journey of faith. You could be surprised just how far it might help you go and how much it might help you achieve spiritually to keep asking those hard questions and seeking the answers that only God can give! Amen.

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