"Christian' Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy"

Good Christians have a tendency to perpetuate a really false assumption: that no matter what may have happened in our lives, we should just "leave the past behind." The rationale for this flawed belief is often based on a verse found in the Bible in 2nd Corinthians: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, that one is a new creation. the old has gone, the new has come!"

Based on a misunderstanding of these words, many people think that it's wrong for Christians to spend time examining the past or to admit that the events of the past do have an effect on our lives today But we are not like computer hard drives that can just be wiped clean and reprogrammed. In order to be changed, we have to learn new things and unlearn some old things! That verse about being a "new creation," taken in context, is really about choosing to learn to live and think differently when we have Christ in our lives. But it is a choice.

Whenever we try to learn a new way of living our lives, the past actually becomes essential! I'm sure all the teachers we blessed this morning would agree that education is all about building on prior knowledge. And that examining and correcting mistakes that are made in the learning process is essential! A kid misspells a word four times in a composition, the teacher doesn't say, "Well, just keep writing; you'll probably spell it correctly next time!" That's crazy! "Doing the same thing, but expecting different results!" And yet how often do we do this with our lives?

Well intentioned people often say, "Well, O.K. you had some tough times or you made some mistakes. But that's in the past...just move on now." The teaching that we need not worry about the past's influence on us is especially destructive and unbiblical because it forbids bringing the things that are in the darkness into the light and having the grace of God touch them.

What the Bible always asks of us is this: Have the things in our souls - pain, patterns, skills, desires, fears - been exposed to the light of God's grace, truth, and forgiveness? If so, those things are healed and transformed. However, if we don't expose things of the past to the light of God's truth and love, they remain in darkness and are still alive today, keeping darkness alive within us. Unconnected from the transforming power of God's love and light, they take on a life of their own. Whatever has not been brought out into the open still has a life of its own in the past - and you can be sure that it will affect our present relationships. ..with God, with others and with ourselves.

Perhaps the relationship between the past and our lives today could be best illustrated by a big bag of garbage. Picture a huge Glad bag full of the debris from a big party. See the cans and bottles, the crushed paper plates with bits of food and congealed ketchup still clinging to them. Cigarette ashes and butts scattered throughout, sticking to paper and floating in cups. Disgusting, huh! You'd want to unload that nasty package as quickly as possible!

Well, the negative, painful, bitter, harmful experiences of the past are like that garbage. Those things won't just go away on their own! They have to be gathered up and bagged up and disposed of properly or believe me, after awhile, life will really stink!

Unfortunately, a lot of us are like the character in the movie "Apollo 13 " who says to her husband late at night after a big party, "I don't feel like cleaning up. Let's just sell the house!" We ignore the messes left from the past and try to just move on. And it may work for a while. Like another character in the movie "American Beauty" says, "Never underestimate the power of denial."

I know a woman who lived in denial about her past for years. She always claimed to have grown up in a perfectly "normal" (whatever that is!) family. Why, she insisted, she practically had Ward and June Cleaver for parents! She had never suffered any terrible trauma or even really had any problems. And so it seemed hard to explain or to understand her incredible lack of self-esteem, her emotional neediness, her bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts or her destructively impulsive behavior. She didn't want to dwell on the past; she wanted to move on and be the person she dreamed of being...but it just never seemed to happen.

Sometimes that "moving on" we so desire is held back because we don't allow the dark things inside to be brought into the light. God has provided us a number of ways to shed light on the dark things within us. First there is confession. Being honest with ourselves, with God and with others, if necessary. Confession, or bringing things to the light, opens us up to the process of transformation. And transformation is what God is interested in We heard it read this morning, "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.... Everything exposed by the light becomes visible." Confession really is good for the soul.

Secondly, we must give and experience forgiveness. Unless we look at the things of the past, though, we cannot truly forgive. Forgiveness is all about the past. Forgiveness is God's way of making right the things that have hurt us. To know whom and what to forgive, we must know what happened to us, name the wrong, and recognize who is really responsible.

Then there is the need for grieving. Grieving is a conscious process by which we deliberately release our attachment to persons, goals, wishes, or religious systems that we can no longer have. Our attachment to these outgrown things, in fact, keeps us from connecting to new and better things that God has for us. Hurts and losses in our past can keep us stuck emotionally and spiritually if we don't grieve them, thereby releasing them We can be tied to a person who is dead, tied to a person whose love we can't have, tied to the approval of someone who will never give it, tied to a fantasy that is impossible to realize. Whatever it is, an emotional tie to something from the past can keep us stuck in the present. God's way ofdealing with this is through the process of grief, or letting go. We are freed by realizing what we have lost, feeling the anger and sadness and then letting go.

Then, after confession, forgiveness and grieving, in order for our lives to be truly filled with light, there must be healing. Another problem with the belief that we should leave the past behind is its disregard for the brokenhearted. The Bible repeatedly describes how, in the words of the psalmist, God is "close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." A primary way that God heals the brokenhearted is through people. Here, in the church, we are meant to be the hands of Christ to touch each other's pain We are commanded to love and minister to one another with compassion, mercy, confrontation, help and strength. What brings healing to people is God's love brought through God's people and through God's Spirit. When someone has a broken heart, they need the love of others. The Bible says that loving one another is a way of manifesting God's surpassing love and grace. Those who have been hurt by the family they grew up in need the love and care of a new "family," the family of God, to heal their old wounds and give them the love they need.

As it turns out, that was the answer for the woman I mentioned. After so many years of denial and unhappiness, she entered into a relationship with God and with Christ's church. Things didn't get fixed for her overnight, mind you. It was...and continues to be...a process. Along with going into the church, she smartened up and went into therapy. Learning how to pray and learning how to process...those two things are essential to bringing the things that are hidden in darkness out into the light.

Turns out that maybe that "perfect" childhood wasn't quite so perfect after all. There was that prevalent alcoholism in her extended family. There were those experiences of sexual abuse at the hands of several different relatives. There was, it turns out, a lot of family "secrets" and shame around expressing emotions and needs. Not to mention that minor ugly detail of living the lie of her sexual orientation. Having no support or examples of how to cope with adolescence and emerging adulthood then led to a string of unfaithful, emotionally abusive relationships in her twenties and early thirties. Hmmm. Explains a lot, doesn't it!

But with prayer...with processing.. .through the hard and often painful work of confession, forgiveness, grieving and healing, this woman - at forty years old - is finally beginning to become the person she has always wanted to be. Her life is pretty well lit up from all sides these days.

You see, I know it can happen. I know this woman who's lived it. I know her really well. You see, this woman is me!

I share that with you this morning only because I want you to have hope for your own life. Everyone has dark places from the past that hold them back. I am not special or unique or different from any of you in that way. Some of you don't have as many dark places as I had and many of you have a whole lot more. It doesn't matter. The same principles apply.

You may have heard the expression, "Today is called the present because it's a gift." Well, I believe the past is a gift, too. The past can shed light on why today may not be all we wish it was. The past is the gateway to healing and renewal in our lives. It may be garbage that needs to be bagged up and disposed of. It may take a lot of work. But I have to tell you...it is totally worth it.

This has been a series on some of the false assumptions about Christianity. The truth is that living life engaged with God, living as a student of Jesus Christ, is as real as it gets. There are no quick easy answers, it isn't always neat and tidy, it can be painful and it can take work. But I believe it is the path that holds the most potential for genuine peace, for amazing joy, for excitement and freedom...for love and for light. Amen

The text for this sermon and this series comes, largely, from the book 12 "Christian Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy:Relief from False Assumptions by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, Zondervan Publishing, 1995.

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